Friday, October 17, 2014
I can't help but be angry. I am angry that I have to struggle with my weight. Angry at my genetics (yes my genetics for all the good it does me). I long more than ever to be that kind of person who can eat whatever, work out whenever and still maintain the same weight. I'm angry at the people who do have that luxury even though they have harmed me in no way, shape or form. I hate that I have to work so hard to maintain even a normal weight, let alone be considered thin or beautiful. I hate that I am not considered beautiful by the masses when I am at my ideal weight because I certainly think that I am. Other people don't have to work so hard to live a normal life, so why do I? I know this anger and bitterness does me no good. I know it doesn't do anything but hinder my progress, but I can't help it. It does me absolutely no good to be angry about the things that I cannot change. I need to change my thought process, accept the fact that I can't eat what I want or do what I want if I want to maintain a normal weight. This time I know I can't go on a crash diet and then back to business as usual. My lifestyle need to change for good, this has to be forever, and that is the hardest thing for me to accept and the thing that always allows for me to give up.My biggest fear is putting all this work in to loose this weight just to fall off the wagon and put it back on. There is no bigger defeat for me, there is nothing that makes me feel more hopeless. I want this to be for good.