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Sunday, October 12, 2014

I don't know where to start. I always read all these amazing inspirational blog entries and think to myself, "I wish that were me." Well, I have come to the point that I am inspiring myself. And that's not terrible. My husband went and got a weight loss surgery. He has lost a whopping 100lbs in four months! What!? And here I am, proud to have lost almost 40 lbs in 6 months. But you know, I worked super hard to get from 304 to 264! So yay me!

It's been a very difficult few years for us. I know that I eat for comfort. That was a huge lesson for me. I have the boys and I constantly want to offer them food. "You passed a test! Here's a cake!" "You didn't have a good day? Candy!" "You are the greatest son in the world? Chips for all!!" "Your new braces are hurting? Ice cream shake." See what I mean? My mom is the same way. She totally shows love through food. Which is ok sometimes, but you know what it gets in the end? Emotional eaters. My brother is an alcoholic, my sister a recovering drug addict, me? Food addict. Yes, my name is Jaci and I am slowly recovering from food addiction.

I am doing much better. Last night I binged but instead of beating myself up I moved on. I evaluated what happened (kids and hubby having fun while I'm at work. Again.) and decided to let it go. One slip is just that, one. I have lost a good amount of weight for the first time in years and I don't really want them back. That feeling I get when people notice seems shallow but to me it's a nice reward and motivation. I am beginning to care about me again.

I get to buy new scrubs in an almost "normal" size. I will be down more by my bday. I am setting and obtaining goals. Am I perfect in what I am doing? Hell no! However, I am working so hard. The husband is getting better at supporting me. You would think it would be no big deal, what with his weight loss but he loves to spoil me. And I LOVE CHOCOLATE! But now I tell him no very firmly and to buy me a book or something instead.

I can't honestly say I will be more active here. I work full time now and unfortunately just can't seem to find the time. I do hope to try though. I start school again in the spring and am looking forward to exercising my mind and body. If you read this I hope you are finding your path easy. Don't give up! You just can't do it in one day and that's the biggest lesson I have learned. It takes time and effort.

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