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I Don't Have 32 Pounds To Lose...

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Friday, October 03, 2014

I just have to lose 1 pound, 32 times! emoticon I shared that as my status update earlier, and I'm so glad that no one thought I was super dooper silly! For someone who has last 80+ pounds, you would think 32 pounds would be a drop in the bucket. What's even more frustrating is it was 21 pounds before I gained 11, but live and learn I guess! emoticon So I don't know what it is about 32 pounds that overwhelms me. I am more than 3/4 of the way done with my weight loss, but for the life of me, I can't just get this thing done. When it comes to how I feel about "finishing" the weight loss part of the journey... I go back and forth between:

What's the hurry? I'm enjoying life, I will get to my goal weight when I'm good and ready. As long as I keep moving forward, I'll get there.

And...

OMG, why don't you just hurry up and finish this thing already? If you would get on it and lose weight each and every week you could be done and get to maintenance already!

It amazes me that my mindset can go from one extreme to the other on any given day. The truth of the matter is this... I am ready to finish this thing. Now when I say finish, I mean the weight loss portion. This journey is a lifestyle and it never ends, and I am going to have to work on transitioning into maintenance... so that is why I often have the feeling of what's the hurry? This is a life long journey with no end, so there's no need to hurry.

But here's the thing... I want my tummy tuck to happen October of next year. That is 1 year away! I clearly want this because I have gone as far to save the money, to take my vacation time based on when I want this to happen, and I have been very careful with not taking days off so that I can have my sick hours saved up. I know when I want to do it, I have not gone to see any doctors yet because I am not where I want to be. Regardless of if I'm where I want to be, I will meet with a doctor at the beginning of the year. Maybe if I hear a doctor say "Yeah, if you lose 20 more pounds your results will be better", then I will get on it?! I don't know, but I already know that I want to be in the 160's and maintaining for 6 months before having the surgery done.

So that means I need to be in the 160's by the beginning of April. I would even settle for 169, because while I'm maintaining for the 6 months I could creep down farther to the magic 160 number. What bugs me the most about myself is, I'm obviously serious enough about this to look for doctors, save the money, save the time at work and plan when is a good time to do it... so why am I not willing to do the most important part? Which of course is to lose the rest of this weight.

Sometimes I frustrate myself so much... do you know what it's like to be annoyed with yourself?! emoticon It's the worst! emoticon

I have a motivational board, and I don't change it or update as much as I should... but for a while I would put 80 pounds lost, 32 pounds to go as an example. At first it really motivated me to see the pounds lost getting bigger and the pounds to go getting so much smaller... but I think it is going to help me to look at these last 32 pounds as a journey all on their own. I will never forget what I have already accomplished, but I think looking at these as 32 mini 1 pound battles is really going to help me.

I'm going to mark them off as I go!



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