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STEPH-KNEE
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I'm Guilty As Charged!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

So it was only just Friday when I posted that blog about how others see us vs. how we see ourselves... and how we are so much harder on ourselves than we are on our friends, loved ones, or even strangers! I was really learning from that and working on loving myself, and accepting certain flaws... or at the very least, not pointing them out to everyone that was willing to listen.

But I posted a status update yesterday that read like this:

My self esteem got kicked in the gut literally! Nothing like seeing your pics and finding one where it looks like you're sporting a baby bump. PMS isn't helping things. :(

I will like to say that the PMS and the hormones were really flowing... and that didn't help things. But it reminded me that even though I've taken a lot of steps in the right direction with being kinder to myself, I am not completely out of the woods yet. I got some very sweet comments, and you all are always so supportive it's great! Some even mentioned that I didn't look pregnant in the photos... well the thing is, I didn't post the photo I was talking about. It's on my facebook... but I had thought about deleting it.

I think the biggest shocker was, I was pretty accepting of most of the other photos... and I didn't really talk a long hard look at it initially, but later on I was like "OMG, I look like I'm pregnant with Daryl Dixon Jr.!" The angle and everything about it screamed baby bump to me. But the thing of it is, I felt so good that day. My shirt was a little out of my comfort zone with the fit, but it was The Walking Dead Tshirt and I was dying to wear it to Universal and I was bound and determined if anything was going to stop me.

No one looked at me weird all night, their were people twice my size there (no judgement here), and everyone was having a good time. In fact, I was so free and fun nothing could bring me down! I was cracking jokes, I almost hugged one of the scare actors... he came right up to me stopped right in front of me which forced me to stop walking and raised his arms up. I thought he wanted a hug, so as I put my arms near him touching his jacket, he snarled and ran away. I guess I misread the signals. emoticon But if you don't want me to hug you then don't get right up on me and put your arms in the international hug symbol. emoticon

They had a DJ for one of the looooooooooooooooooooong lines and I wasn't dancing like it was a club, but I would wave my hands in the air at certain parts or sing along or even wiggle a little bit and I didn't care. My uncle and brother laughed at me which didn't bother me... but here's the best part. IF anyone else in that place gave me a weird or dirty look, I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE! I never once cared "what if someone is looking at me?" In fact, if I knew someone found me odd, I probably would have done it even more. emoticon So it's funny to think that I was brave and strong enough not to care what anyone else thought of me, but then I decided to be negative towards myself... crazy now that I think about it. emoticon

So I think that the hormonal roller coaster that comes with being a girl made the "pregnant picture reaction" even worse... but I will be honest to say that I am guilty! I am guilty of being too hard on myself, even when I try to remind everyone else not to be. Oh the irony! emoticon So I'm going to keep working at it, and continue to get better at it! I also don't think that it's any coincidence that I have had 2 bad eating days after this event. I really need to get it together, stats for my game are now 6/9!

Anywhosies, since I'm guilty as charged, I will submit my evidence. Exhibits A-I are the fun awesome pics that reminded me of a good time I had, and Exhibit J is the one that managed to kick me while I was down.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Exhibit D:

Exhibit E:

Exhibit F:

Exhibit G:

Exhibit H:

Exhibit I:

emoticon Exhibit : J





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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SIMONEKP
    All I saw was the smile on your face
    2453 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13287288
    I swaer, sometimes I go out and I look in the mirror and think- "wow, I look pretty good" and then someone takes a photo of me, I look at it and wanna say "DELETE THAT!!! EEEK"
    I do believe the camera does make people appear a little heavier than they look in person.
    I did look at your pictures, and I will be honest, I did not see anything that resembled a baby bump! and when I looked at your photos the first thing my eyes were drawn to was your big smile, and how much slimmer your profile is!

    I absolutely think you look great, I truly believe WE are our own worst critics... we notice things in photos that no one else sees... maybe it's not even really there,

    Thanks for sharing your photos, and so glad you have been having so much fun- good for you!!!!
    Lisa
    2456 days ago
  • MALAMI518
    I don't think you look pregnant in Exhibit J. It's not the best angle, but you do not look pregnant. And, WOW!!! Did you see the rest of the Exhibits?! Especially F and I!

    emoticon
    2456 days ago
  • MALAMI518
    I don't think you look pregnant in Exhibit J. It's not the best angle, but you do not look pregnant. And, WOW!!! Did you see the rest of the Exhibits?! Especially F and I!

    emoticon
    2456 days ago
  • NIKKICOLE83
    We will chalk that photo up to a bad angle because you look so good in all of your photos. Forget the weight aspect, if you compare your photos from two years ago to these, there is clear, cut evidence that you are HAPPIER today than you have been in a long time. I am over the emoticon for you!!
    2458 days ago
  • SLLYONS51
    You look great! Its hard not to worry what others think but you are a true leader! I must also admit to a few bad eating days. Always happen when I travel.
    2458 days ago
  • JAMER123
    WOW!! You look great and don't scoff at your pictures. As we talked about last time, we all seem to try to get into the background or no pictures at all of us. You are awesome with the pictures!! Keep the positive going!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2458 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    As you ended this blog, you are amazing. Don't beat yourself up!
    2458 days ago
  • KOHINOOR2
    You're looking fabulous. I'm glad you are enjoying yourself. emoticon emoticon emoticon Thanks for sharing.
    2458 days ago
  • JCMSMILE
    Your quote on the bottom says it all: you are truly amazing(or as I like to say "you are frickin' AWESOME)!!
    2458 days ago
  • KONRAD695
    Sorry, didn't see it. Was too busy looking at all the cool stuff you're doing, I've never done, and I'm jealous about.
    2458 days ago
  • POLSKARENIA
    What we all see is your huge, great SMILE!!!
    2459 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13669487
    Again, all I see is a vibrant, happy, and BEAUTIFUL, smokin' hot babe with one FABULOUS and WINNING personality!!!!!
    2459 days ago
  • SENIORSAXLADY
    Hi Steph, Thanks for your wonderful, honest blog. I agree with the others..you are beautiful and show that you are having a blast. I see a bad camera angle and lighting...not a baby bump at all. Certain angles make us seem heavier than we are. The people on TV have to be so careful what colors and patterns they wear because the camera always makes them look heavier. A camera angle can sometimes at least 5 pounds if they are not careful. It's just the way it is.

    If you don't like a particular picture, delete it. Just don't believe that you look like you do because of a bad camera angle. emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • no profile photo DIASTER
    Oh my gosh girl, you are a beautiful young vibrant girl on life's journey. Please give yourself a break and take a look at yourself as others see you. Beautiful.
    2459 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    Oh, boy, you are so much braver than I am, even if you are being overly critical of yourself. The pictures show me that you had a great time!
    2459 days ago
  • BEACHCALSIX
    You look AMAZING in ALL the pictures! I was waiting to see the baby bump and never saw it. It really is true that we judge ourselves so harshly. I am self conscious over my arm flaps, my friends think I'm crazy "what arm flaps??" emoticon
    Anyways, looks like you had a blast at universal! We are going to knotts near Halloween as well. Have a great month!!
    2459 days ago
  • ICECUB
    HI STEP, I THINK YOU LOOK TERRIFIC INTHE PICTURES. YOU LOOK SO HAPPY AND IF YOU WERE HAVING THE TIME IF YOUR LIFE. THANKS FOR SHARING. YOUR BLOG IS ALWAYS GREAT.
    2459 days ago
  • DSHONEYC
    Be emoticon in your own mind!
    2459 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13892556
    I think you look great AND I have to say if I was pregnant with Daryl Dixon Jr. I sure wouldn't mind. emoticon emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • SUBMOM2
    Well I have been known to eliminate a photo or two in my day...

    What matters here is that you are recognizing the negative self-talk and making an effort to stop it. Exhibit J is an outlier. You look happy in all of the pictures. Best of all you are living your life with glee and looking forward to your next adventure. That's success!!

    emoticon emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • SUSIEMT
    Stephanie! I really enjoyed this blog! In your defence, until I had excess skin removal all of my pics in t-shirts looked like exhibit J. You rock!
    2459 days ago
  • BEATLETOT
    This blog made me smile! =)
    2459 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    LOVE the pic in from of te GA Correctional Ctr. Hope no rooms were available! LOL

    Self-love is a constantly evolving journey!

    HUGS
    2459 days ago
  • WENDYANNE61
    You are a butterfly emerging from her chrysalis - that is all, sweetie!
    2459 days ago
  • JAB2010
    Great pictures, stay happy!
    2459 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13354694
    emoticon pictures!!! emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • TIME-4-TINA
    Whenever I post a pic of myself on FB my friends say, "do you ever take a bad picture"? I'm like, "of course I do, but I don't post them!" Why would I? My friends and family credit me with being so photogenic. But honesty, it's only when I pose for pics that they come out good. Action shots, not so much.

    Also, sometimes clothes are like trick photography. Sometimes two dimensionally fabric could look like flesh. I was out with friends and wore a new shirt. I really liked it and thought it was flattering. It's one of those shirts that crisscrosses in the front but it's not tight. It hangs down a little bit and looks sort of like a sling. (do you know what I'm talking about?) Anyway, we took photos. The next day someone tagged me on FB. I looked pregnant! I loved that shirt but now I don't want to wear it anymore. I mean not just pregnant, but it looked like I had a big hanging belly.

    In your exhibit "J" I get what your saying. And if that was the only pic posted I would have been concerned too that people would think that was me and not just the shirt. But the other photos look great. Exhibit "D" and "I" are side views too and your shirt looks normal. "J" is just a bad angle! The other photos you look thin! You look, what I always strive to be, normal!!

    I mean look, it happened to your friend in the blue sweatshirt too!! Look how big she looks in "A" and then in "B" she must of had the baby because she looks normal again!! Bet you didn't even notice her, did you? You were too busy looking at your own imperfections. My opinion, and you know I tell it like it is, you get prettier every time I see you! Not a compliment, just a fact!! You face has some much happiness and life. Your before photos did not show this. Your smile is your best accessory! Ok, here' me telling it like it is again, I want to see a photo of you dressed up!

    omg, sorry, this was long. I didn't realize.
    2459 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/30/2014 8:02:38 AM
  • BLACK_CANARY19
    Great pictures. You looked like you had a fantastic time. I can sit here and say you don't look pregnant all I want but I also know that it wouldn't have changed your mind. So let me say this instead...you looked HAPPY. In none of those pictures did you look uneasy or shy or self conscious....in fact even in the so called "bad" picture you look thrilled to be there and getting your picture taken. Just remember how far you have come and remember..it's how you feel not always how you look.
    2459 days ago
  • MISCHAKEO
    You look great and happy in your photos. I have had my students ask me if I was pregnant when I was overweight. I am glad you had a fun time. I know you will keep being successful and will be compassionate with yourself!

    emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14895051
    The tendency to be critical of the self can be such a drag on our happiness; great job of thought-stopping! Don't let a bag angle get you down!

    emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • LIMOM2TWINS
    love - love the pictures - it looks like you had a great time and your happiness shows through on every picture - emoticon

    Even models have photoshop to enhance their body so they are not "real"

    You have you - the real you in every angle, pose and direction the camera was taken - & you are beautiful!! emoticon

    emoticon Limom2twins emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • WISHICOULDFLY
    You look great AND you look HAPPY. Exhibit J is a bad angle and optical illusion with the handbag strap and it does not do you justice. I'm glad you are feeling better. Those hormones magnify everything! emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    You are hormonal, ignore all nasty thoughts about yourself, it's hormones!! No baby bump anywhere!! emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14386678
    You look lovely....can't see the baby bump at all....don't get over critical about yourself sweet heart..... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • TORTOISE110
    In my opinion there is nothing wrong with eliminating pictures we don't like of ourselves. We take so many with digital photography, they are not as precious as they used to be.

    You are gorgeous. Take your best shot and trash the rest!! I'm just sayin...
    2459 days ago
  • AKPIPER
    All your pics are great and your an emoticon individual. Keep being positive! Have a good week. emoticon
    2459 days ago
  • BESSHAILE
    Oh funny. I saw that photo. I thought you looked cute and then I thought - she needs a platter with a head on it so she could be part of the act- a sort of horror restaurant waitress.

    Fall down once get up twice

    that is called maintenance. hugs
    2459 days ago
  • BLUEJAY1969
    You do not look like you have a baby bump! My DD is preggers -now SHE has a baby bump! You look like your shirt got un-tucked is all! I'm just sayin'! And you look like you are having a blast so phooey on one silly picture that you look sloppy in! Kudos for realizing what you were doing and attempting to stop it in it's tracks! You are so beautiful both inside and out my dear!
    Hugs to ya!
    Jeanne
    2459 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/30/2014 3:27:20 AM
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