My chains are gone
Friday, September 12, 2014
I quit my job on Tuesday. After 19 years, I walked in, packed my desk and resigned. I was freaking scared out of my mind but I knew it was the right thing to do.
I equate my job with an abusive relationship. As bad as it was in my office, at least I knew what to expect, there was some comfort in that. Outside of it, there is the hope that things could be better, but on the flip side, things could be worse. Leaving is scary.
I won’t go into all the details of why it was so bad, but I will say that the last 4 years have been pure torture and stress. My health, both physical and mental have taken a beating. My relationships and my running were really suffering.
Running, my stress-reliever and source of joy had become just another thing to worry about. The last month, I started having anxiety attacks while running.
I was becoming a slave to depression, stress, fear and anxiety. My chest hurt ALL the time. (I just had a physical - I’m in perfect health - its all anxiety/stress) I cried all the time. The littlest things would piss me off. I can live like that. I don’t want to live like that. My husband doesn’t want to live like that. I lost everything carefree, light-hearted and joyfulful. How sad is that. Anxiety was dominating my life. I finally realized both me and my family deserved better. I said, ‘When.’ (Regarding Henry reference)
Today, I went for a six mile run. For the first time in a year I really, truly, honestly ENJOYED it.
My chest didn’t hurt. I didn’t stress about time or piriformis issues. I just ran.
I did a 3 mile out ‘n back bike trail. The first 3 miles are all uphill but that means those last 3 are all downhill. Oh my gosh was it fun!!
I was booking it down that hill. I was so relaxed, I finally felt free. I started laughing and just having a grand ol time… I even stuck out my arms and did airplane wings down the hairpin portion. It was FANTASTIC!!
I don’t know for sure yet what my next career step will be, but I’m not afraid anymore. I just know that after 19 years I am finally ready for a new adventure. I’m so blessed to have a husband who is willing to give me time to work on me and recover. He may have to pick up a couple of extra shifts the next few months to make up the income difference. But he’s okay with that. We talked about it a lot the last couple of months.
I love him so.
My chains are gone. I’ve been set free. My God, My Saviour has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns. Unending Love. Amazing Grace.