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left, right... left, right, left.... more self talk

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Can you hear the drill sergeant calling it out? Me too. I am marching to the cadence. One foot in front of the other.

I am just not feeling it today. I don't wanna. Maybe I don't wanna because I have had a less than stellar week adhering to my eating/exercise plan. Maybe I don't wanna because I haven't in some areas. Maybe I really am tired and need to slow up a bit. Maybe I am just being a slacker and need to dig deeper. I honestly don't know. I just know that I am NOT feeling it. I also know I am able. I just don't wanna.

However, I am. I am marching. One foot in front of the other. Got 3.5 miles on the treadmill this morning, even though I wanted to stop after one tenth. I talked myself through every one hundred steps. "Just do one hundred more and if you still want to quit Barb, you can." "Quit? Uh, that is not acceptable. You are not a quitter. You have come too far to quit." It worked until I had to quit to get ready for work.

My walking buddies at work encouraged me to walk with them - so I did. I wanted to say no, I'd rather sit in the lunchroom and watch tv - but I did it. I didn't want to.

I ate a healthy lunch. I ate a healthy breakfast. I am on track. I have a healthy dinner planned.

I'd love to say that by just putting one foot in front of the other I found some momentum and motivation - I haven't.

I keep listening to the drill sergeant in my head and going through the motions. Somewhere, somehow while doing this I will find my spark again. I know if I quit - the spark will go out.

I know if I quit that 7 on the scale that became an 8 will become a 9 and then back to 200.

I know that those smaller clothes I am buying will become too small and get shoved back into the corner of my closet only to remind me of my failure.

I know that the good feeling I had a couple weeks ago will not return - what will return is shortness of breath when climbing stairs, the pinching of skin when I bend over to tie my shoes, even more achey knees.

I know when I look in the mirror and normally say "I love you, you rock" I won't believe it.

I know I will never complete my virtual walk to Arizona!

What? That is just not acceptable! I am in the great state of Kansas! 685 miles from home in Michigan where I started on May 1.

And I kinda like being able to tie my shoes and climb stairs. I am grateful my knees don't hurt like they used to (unless I put in a killer workout), I like my new clothes and remember how difficult it was trying to find things to fit! I don't want to see those other numbers on the scale! I want to get out of the obese category and become just plain ol' overweight - and even better - a healthy weight.

So, I keep going one foot in front of the other. Even though I am not feeling it right now - because I know this is the direction I want to go! I know my goal is just not clearly in my sight right now - but I believe it is out there, just around a bend in the road. I am not going to get sidetracked and take some shortcut to nowhere.

There is a poem that they say was found in a concentration camp after WWII - "I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining. I believe in love, even when there's no one there. I believe in God, even when he is silent. I believe through any trial there is always a way."

There is ALWAYS a way! Onward towards my goal. Come on self, get on board! You CAN do this Barb. You WILL do this Barb.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STILLMENEWBODY
    You truly have it in you! You keep on, even though you are tired! Thank you so much for writing today. Or whichever day it was..lol, just reading it now. I absolutely loved the little poem. SO TRUE! I look forward to cheering you on as you finish that virtual walk to Arizona! You can do it!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2510 days ago
  • NEWSUE45
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2511 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14801182
    I really enjoyed this blog. It fits exactly what I am going threw at this very past week.
    2514 days ago
  • JENNEINAZ
    Fake it until you make it really does work. You can do it. Your drill sergeant knows you too!
    2514 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13423552
    You know Barb, there are days. Some days are easier than others and some days I am just not feeling it. Last week I was so tired and needed to go for a run. I was laying on the couch and told my husband I was going to try and go for 4 miles and I might be back sooner or it might just be a walk. Once I got started I was OK. But I thought I was almost done and that darn lady on RunKeeper announced 3.5 miles - are you kidding me?? Oh well, I did have a half mile left in me. Some days I surprise myself and you probably do too. Look how far we have come!
    2514 days ago
  • KATELJM
    A tv host asked Jack LaLanne why he loved exercise so much. Jack responded, "I don't like it that much, but my body NEEDS it to perform!"

    Another from LaLanne:
    "Your body is your most priceless possession; you go take care of it!"
    2514 days ago
  • LIVINGLOVINLIFE
    Barb that was a really good blog. I know I have been in the 'one foot in front of the other' for a while now. But I know eventually I will get out of this slump. It is a lot better than admitted defeat. That isn't going to happen. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2515 days ago
  • SARAHL817
    Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is all it takes. Even if you're not feeling it right now, keep doing it, and eventually it will all feel right.
    2515 days ago
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