SP Premium
100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 135,629

Binge Monster On The Loose! BEWARE!

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Saturday, August 02, 2014

I am coming to you LIVE, just moments after I had a surprise attack from the Binge Monster! emoticon I will say it was a battle, and he was winning, boy was he winning! But I managed to stop myself mid attack. That is not usually something I can do! Here's the scoop...

Today was a pretty stressful day. I will spare you all the details but I really really felt the need to stress eat. Not only that, but being on the "Carb Nite plan" that I am on, I was specifically craving carbs. You see, my inner brat emoticon wanted pizza at work the other day, but couldn't have it because of this "stupid Carb thing". (That's why my inner brat called it anyways). I wanted to quit the carb plan and cut loose that day, but I held strong.

Well that pizza craving stuck in my mind... and today at my parents they had left over pizza. Once the stress reached it's breaking point I ended up having 3 slices of pizza. So following this plan, I am supposed to now do the 10 day reorientation to get back on track. I was at a crossroads, I could do the 10 day reorientation phase and get back on track, or I could scrap the entire plan and go back to my calorie counting. I chose to start the reorientation tomorrow, WIN! Or so I thought.

But then something came over me, that all or nothing attitude. Let me tell you that NOTHING good comes from the all or nothing attitude. My inner brat started saying "If you have to go 10 day very low carb starting tomorrow, you better eat EVERYTHING today, because you won't be able to have it for the next 10 days! In fact, this is just the prime opportunity to try that Hella-peno burger you have been wanting to try from Jack In The Box."

I tried my best to shut the inner brat up, but he called his friend the Binge Monster. I can not lie to you, I LET HIM IN! I do not blame the Binge Monster, he can't help his Bingey ways, but I didn't have to let him in! But I did.

Next thing I know I was driving to Jack In The Box to get my "munchie meal". Let me tell you what comes in the meal. First off, it's a bargain at $6, it comes with a drink, 2 tacos, half curly and regular fries, and then the item of your choice. Mine was the "hellapeno burger". I knew it came with stuffed jalapeno poppers and actual jalapenos and I knew that I had wanted to try it.

The entire time ordering and stuff I didn't feel bad. But the very quick 5 minute drive home my conscience finally returned. I started to talk to myself (yes, like a crazy person emoticon). Some of the things I said were the following:

"You are starting to sabotage yourself, things have been going so well and you are getting scared."

"You really don't want to eat like this."

"This is scary, these are the habits that got me so overweight in the first place."

I WISH that those realizations were enough to prevent me from eating the food, but unfortunately it wasn't enough.

I ate a taco, I ate some of the french fries. The hellapeno burger is apparently covered in nacho cheese. Super gross and greasy. I took a couple bites, ate the jalapeno poppers and the meat, and kept eating the fries. If that wasn't enough, I also ordered a 7 piece stuffed jalapenos on the side. I ate 4 of those stuffed jalapenos and really started to feel full, okay okay, DISGUSTINGLY full. emoticon There was a brief moment where I thought about the $$ I would waste by throwing it away. Then I had the realization: The money was wasted the second I bought this stuff. Whether I eat the rest or not is irrelevant. Before I could change my mind I ran to the trash can and threw the rest away. "The rest" consisted of 3 jalapeno poppers, part of the french fries, 1 of the tacos and 85% of the bun and nacho cheese from the burger.

So instead of coming here completely embarrassed by my actions, I am coming to you with the view point that this is a very small victory! Wait wait wait! I know you are looking at me like how in the world is this a victory?! Do you realize how much you still ate? emoticon But hear me out on this one...

Today I was able to stop mid "binge" if you will. That is not something that is easy for me to do. That all or nothing mentality makes it very easy for me to continue to eat until it's gone. So today I stopped myself when about half of the food was already gone. Maybe next time it'll stop after only a small amount of food is eaten, or I will only order a small amount of food. Maybe there will be some other time that I do not even get in the car to go at all! It's all about baby steps. My last fast food binge was after my dreaded "bod pod" results... I am a stress/comfort eater from way back, and I know that it's not going to just go away. But my coping skills can get better and better. So maybe next time I can stop myself before I even get in the car... my stomach would really thank me.

The other good news is, I WANT to get back on my Carb plan tomorrow. I am going to do the entire 10 days of reorientation, even though I'm leaving for Vegas on Thursday. I'm going to be careful. We have plans to go to the buffet once on Tuesday, so that fits perfectly with my 10 day reorientation, followed by my carb day which will be Tuesday. I wanted to give the carb plan at least 2 months, and I am going to follow through.

I learned a lot today.
#1 fast food tastes pretty gross now that I haven't had it very much.
#2 It's super greasy and the calorie amount is ridiculous.
#3. I don't miss it like I thought I did.
#4. I actually enjoy eating relatively healthy, and my stomach agrees.
#5. It is never too late to change your mind, turn it around and do better!
#6. It NEVER has to be "all or nothing". Each day, each meal, each BITE is a decision, and we can always make a better decision!

This was definitely a red flag, that as I am getting closer to my goals, closer to new territories (170s) and closer to the 100 pounds lost mark, my mind is going to start messing with me. I need to be prepared, and I need to stay focused. Some days I feel so unstoppable, but I have to remember I am stoppable if I make the wrong decisions.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Remember what Ben Franklin Said Eat to Live, Don't Live to Eat.
    2304 days ago
    A truthful blog. I have found that going on a program that denies me foods is never success as my thoughts are on the things I cannot have. I have found eating real food in moderation works for me I have been able to eat healthy and I do not do drive thrus as the food is gross after eating well for a while.
    2368 days ago
    2473 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13939073
    The same thoughts have run through my mind too! I think it's awesome how you were able to throw food away (something I haven't figured out how to do) and save yourself! I also think it's GREAT how you are showing us we can learn from our mistakes. Thank you!
    2491 days ago
    It's crazy how those cravings come on quickly!
    2491 days ago
    "There was a brief moment where I thought about the $$ I would waste by throwing it away. Then I had the realization: The money was wasted the second I bought this stuff."

    This is genius....pure genius....
    2494 days ago
  • no profile photo NYLAURA1
    Wow! I am impressed. I have been mid binge, realizing what I'm doing, and still not stop. It is quite an accomplishment to defeat the binge monster. Keep up the good work and congratulations on your featured blog!
    2495 days ago
    Amazing how you combine humor and put a emoticon on my face while sharing such insight on two of my "demons" - binge monster and my own inner brat! Thank you!
    2497 days ago
    Love your blog!! emoticon
    2500 days ago
  • CAROLJ35
    I might binge in my own kitchen but never on "fast food".
    Funny how we all have our own pitfalls.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2501 days ago
    love this emoticon
    2502 days ago
    the binge monster is quite a monster! I will have to look through your blogs to find out about this reconstruction plan.

    2504 days ago
    Keep on keep in on!!! I absolutely agree with what you are saying about celebrating the progress. On this journey we need to see and appreciate the little things. emoticon emoticon
    2504 days ago
    Fun and interesting blog. Glad you caught yourself before it got out of hand. I know I have been there done that. Just to much stress and the food looks better all the time.

    Keep up the good work and blogs.
    2504 days ago
    I know those guys too... great job on your NSV!
    2504 days ago
    wow - i know that monster - he gets around cause he has visited me recently after having not seen him for years...yeah I think it i something about being close to your goal and accepting that you will have to maintain and be careful forever!!! I have been playing around with the same 2 - 4 pounds for over a month...gain, lose, binge....gain, lose... And I have a trip coming up in Septemeber that I wanted to be at my goal weight for...not sure if it will happen..
    One thing that helps is being kind to myself and talking to myself mid binge, as you described in your blog. You might want to read Martha Beck's book, Four Day Win... she talks about us having two entities driving our eating - a wild child, and the dictator... check it out of the library
    2504 days ago
  • KELLEY106
    Love how you write
    2504 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13287288
    I had a higher calorie 2 days, and I was a little anxious about it. I didn't do as badly as if I weren't on a weight loss goal plan, but it certainly wasn;t great.

    And you're right, everytime I deviate from eating well, I feel physically yucky afterwards. My stomach feels bloated, sometimes I get headaches... and then I ask myself "was it worth it?" and the answer always is no.

    You should be really really proud of yourself for stopping yourself, that's hard to do. It's such a slippery slope! You take one step and the body just tumble down, but you stopped, dusted yourself off, and walked right back up towards your goal. WAY TO GO!!!

    Life isn't about the times we will fall, we all fall, even Jesus fell carrying the cross, but the lesson learned it we have to get back up- and that is the mark of a truly remarkable person.


    2505 days ago
    You are right--this was a victory. It's incredibly tough to stop mid-binge I have found. You are in some other place, with a mindset of "It just doesn't matter," and you just keep stuffing the crap in your mouth. Later you realize how disgusting it was, but it's too late then. Good for you for stopping. Now on to better days with better choices. Good luck. We're all in this together!
    2505 days ago
    I notice this too, that I now get sick to my stomach if I have a binge, and I think it's a good thing. Our stomachs have gotten used to better treatment!
    2505 days ago
  • no profile photo SHARONCAPPS
    What a great victory. You did it and it will get easier each time it happens. Good Job.!
    2505 days ago
  • ANGELN325
    Exactly. You are on your way to a breakthrough, to a new level of success. The enemy (your mind) wants to stop you, but you are stronger than that.
    2505 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13026971
    2505 days ago
    Boy, does that sound familiar! I have definitely been there! emoticon
    2505 days ago
    2506 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13912982
    I feel your pain
    2506 days ago
    I loved your blog! You definitely learned something and isn't that what this process is about? Recognizing triggers, binges, problems, etc and then learning how to deal with them in a more positive way.

    You're so correct when you say the money was wasted the second you bought the food. But ultimately--buying it is what helped you figure this all out so it's not really a wasted effort.

    emoticon emoticon
    2506 days ago
    2506 days ago
    2506 days ago
    Thank you I think something was leading me to read this today. Way to go!!
    2506 days ago
    2506 days ago
    emoticon !!

    You spoke for a majority of us!!
    2506 days ago
    I enjoyed reading your post. You did good. Like you said baby steps. emoticon
    2506 days ago
    This was awesome! Stopping mid binging is huge...which is what I DID NOT DO on Saturday, but I got back on the wagon and have been going strong since! Thank you so much for sharing that even though it's going downhill you can always put the brakes on!
    2506 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2506 days ago
  • ASCHU2
    It was an ENORMOUS victory to stop mid-binge!!! This is the biggest possible victory-you broke your all-or-nothing mentality!!!
    2507 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Thank you for sharing! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2507 days ago
  • VIENNA61
    Thank you for making me laugh...at myself and the binge monster in your photos. I think I could use a photo of him handy, to help me laugh the silliness of my binge-cravings away. Because they are just as humorous as that muppet you caught on film, and it's more fun laughing him off than taking my cravings so seriously!
    2507 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13738302
    Some great realizations! Always glad to be sharing this journey with you!
    2507 days ago
    You have inspired me. I have done the same thing. And you are right . It is hard to get back on the wagon. You know you are making progress when your conscience gets the best of you. I know that years ago I wouldn't have cared about binging but I do now so I know I am improving mentally which is a good thing. I appreciate you blog cause it helps.me and I am sure many others. I also love the pictures. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2507 days ago
  • SUNSET09
    Oh emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2507 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2507 days ago
    Excellent blog! emoticon
    2507 days ago
    Sounds like a victory to me!! I have never been abel to stop mid binge. My inner demons would just push me and I would tell myself, "It's okay, I will eat all of this now, and start fresh tomorrow."
    2507 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12998504
    stress eating is the worst kind, not only because of WHAT we're eating, but because all the fats and carbs add more cortisol pumped into our bodies which then puts more fat on around the middle. and HOW wer're eating adds to that, like not even being aware of bingeing (you at Jack in the Box, and me with almost anentire tub of ice cream) and then luckily, both of us realized what we were doing (mindfulness is a good thing) and stopped. neither of us was happy from that binge, neither of us felt good after that binge, but neither of us stayed on that binge. why do we do it when we know we're:
    a) not going to be happier or lee stressed because now we're stressing about the eating, too
    b) going to feel lousy physically afterward
    c) not going to even like what we're eating.

    you said it best when you described the food you ordered as "super gross and greasy" and "disgusting". Here is your NSV - you have changed your eating habits so much that things you would have not thought twice about eating are now "super gross and disgusting" to you. that, my friend, is mindful thinking and we both need to practice that more! emoticon
    2507 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14082626
    emoticon Good job on stopping before you ate it all. That is hard to do I have an inner binge monster living near by too. One day at a time One step at a time and your goal will be reached.
    2507 days ago
    2507 days ago
    You are so right! Fast food no longer tastes good after having good foods.

    I still find myself eating things that don't taste good too. Then I get irritated at myself because I don't even enjoy it.

    I would also called this a victory- you stopped half way- the next time- it will be less.

    If you don't- well- your body will sure tell you that it wasn't happy with all that you ate.
    2507 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    2507 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment
    Member Comments Page (185 total): 

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.