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Perfectly Timed Perspective...

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Monday, July 07, 2014

I have been struggling for quite a few days now... I am not panicking yet... but it is getting close to that emoticon zone. So what happened today could not have come at a better time. But to paint a better picture... let me give you a little extra insight into today...

I am feeling bloated, crummy, TOM is coming any second, I feel like a fatty-mc-failure... made terrible food choices, and just feel all around blah! emoticon But then something happened... something that definitely threw me for a loop. A coworker that I don't see very regularly saw me, in free dress (so jeans and a tshirt instead of a baggy uniform) and said "Wow, you have lost so much weight! You look like a different person! I'm kind of freaking out right now, lol, it's amazing!"

I thought it was so nice of her, but being honest I always just blurt stuff right out... so I said "I've gained like 10 pounds!" Okay, exaggeration, I've gained about 5, but it just came out... and being me I made a joke "I can't even button my pants!" We had a good laugh... and I asked if they wanted anything from Starbucks, and yet another joke "because that's what I need when I can't button my pants, Starbucks." Another coworker having lost a lot of weight himself said "You still look amazing, you can have some cheat days now and again, you are doing great!" I thought that was so kind, I wanted to say I've had one too many "cheat days" this week, but I decided to take the compliment with kindness and not make a joke. It is just in my nature to crack a joke like that, but I do appreciate the compliments and always say thank you.

emoticon It really was eye opener, and a much needed one! I am not a failure, not in the least. I'm still "successful" at weight loss. Until the day comes that I throw in the towel and gain back all 80+ pounds, I am clearly doing SOMETHING right. I needed that reminder today, I needed that reminder that I look VERY different to everyone who knew me at my highest weight. Even if I don't feel amazing today, it doesn't mean I haven't accomplished some amazing things. It reminded me to be proud of what I have accomplished, and it reminded me that I need to have confidence in myself. Not just confidence in the way I look or the person I am, but confidence that I *KNOW* how to lose this weight. Every time I start to gain back some weight, I question everything. I question why I'm doing this, how I'm doing this, whether or not my plan works... but I have no reason to doubt myself or my plan. My plan works, when I do it... when I start gaining it's because I'm not following "my plan", plain and simple. I don't need a new plan, I just need to do it.

The other interesting thing about perspective is, to others, they see someone who has lost 80+ pounds, I see someone has recently been off track and has gained back 5 pounds. It is not because I think lowly of myself, it is because I need to keep things in perspective. I could easily shrug off 5 or 10 pounds stating "I've still lost 80 pounds"... I could be in denial about the weight gain and say "Everyone says I look great, so I don't need to worry about that", and I could do that all the way to where I've gained back 80 pounds going "how did I let this happen?!"

So just as balance is important in a healthy lifestyle, and honestly for most things in our lives... balance is important here. I have to find the balance between being proud of what I've accomplished, but not so much so that I turn a blind eye to regained weight. I can be happy to receive compliments, but I can't allow the compliments to justify my poor eating. I can't take it lightly that my pants are getting tight, but I am also not going to beat myself up for it either. I am going to take control, continue to attempt to get things back on track.. and continue to TRY each and everyday. All I can do is keep trying... I will keep trying to lose the weight, and one day I will have done it. Then I will try to maintain, for a lifetime... There will be fluctuations, there will be horrible awful days, but there will always be good, fabulous on track days too! I just need to remember that being healthy (and looking fabulous, I can't even lie emoticon) is something that I want so badly, that I will never stop trying! (And yes, you Star Wars people would say Yoda says "Do or do not, there is no try", but I'm not a Star Wars person emoticon emoticon)

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    learning to not always look at how far we have to go takes some doing, accepting that we are indeed succeeding is also hard sometimes.
    2533 days ago
    Not only do you look fabulous, but you are an excellent writer. Even when you're not quite following your plan, and you're having a bad week, you still manage to post a blog that resonates with so many people. That in itself is a huge accomplishment. You are so motivational. Keep trying and keep writing. Take us along with you on your journey. And never forget just how AMAZING you are.
    emoticon emoticon
    2537 days ago
    Wow. So many comments. Not only is your blog helpful, the comments are too. All th efforts we've put into our journeys... and yet, we struggle to see how far we've come and we focus only on the "how far we still got" part. I used to think about it as a diet and not as a lifestyle change thought I read about it on SP and everywhere else. What changed? Perspective. There will be bad days and there will be times when I want to give up. But how can we give up on ourselves? on life? Do we really want to stop living because of how we think?
    Sometimes, you just have to think outside the box. Perspective.. thank you for sharing!
    Isabelle ☼
    2538 days ago
    It really is a perspective....and the coworker summed it up...with such great timing for you! Sometimes our internal "feelings", like bloated, crummy, fat,blah, is just that....internal, but from others who are on our outside, it just isn't true!
    You can do this...we can do this...let's walk it together and help each other through!
    2539 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2539 days ago
  • MALAMI518
    Thank you so much for another wonderful blog! Congratulations on WOWing so many people.

    This is what I really needed to read: "The other interesting thing about perspective is, to others, they see someone who has lost 80+ pounds, I see someone has recently been off track and has gained back 5 pounds." I tend to forget how much I've lost and see only what I've recently gained back or that I'm not quite where I want to be. I think I still envision myself as much heavier than I am, too. I need to remember perspective! Thanks for the reminder.

    Great job getting things in perspective and getting back on track!

    emoticon emoticon
    2539 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    Yup. Just do it and don't stop!
    2539 days ago
  • ADF1981
    You definitely are successful! Keep trying! Like Dory says, just keep swimming LOL. It is easy to settle into justifying bad choices at this point I think. The point where I have come so far, but not quite where I want to be yet. I've been at this point before and ruined it in the past. This time I am hanging on, but I recognize that I have gotten a little relaxed about somethings with myself like tracking. We can do this!
    2539 days ago
    those "Wow" compliments are really so welcome, aren't they

    sometimes they're all you need to veer off into the healthy choice when you're chugging down those bad choice backstreets.

    2539 days ago
  • JAMER123
    You are still WOWING people not only here but in real life.
    You are struggling with the positive and negative feelings.
    You are NOT a failure! The only failure we have is to quit!!
    You are not a quitter!! Keep that chin up &work on that 5-10#.
    You will set your goals so they are obtainable.
    You ARE beautiful!!
    You ARE kind and loving!!
    You are AWESOME!!

    Take this and run to the emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2540 days ago
    Thank you for your well-said words. I am just starting on this journey, and I did have exactly the reaction some other have had to your success: "Wow, 80 lbs. She's amazing!" And as far as the regain, I'm a dedicated watcher of weight loss shows, and I think those shows sometimes give me the wrong idea. Who has the time to work out 4 hours a day? Who consistently drops over 10 lbs. per week? People on T.V., that's who. We "real people" are going to have bad days, and I think you do a good job of showing that those days happen but are "beatable." Keep at it! You are encouraging to me.
    2540 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2540 days ago
    Score for NSV's!
    2540 days ago
    Thank you again for how well you put into words your insights. I felt like I was hearing my own voice so much while I was reading this. I also work to remember my success and take confidence from that but also to keep up new lifestyle habits.

    I have also said many times to both myself and others that maintenance is a huge success!!

    You have already lost 16 times the amount of 5 lbs. emoticon

    I so understand the struggle with striking a balance with confidence, realism/awareness and not berating oneself. One day I will regain a few pounds, notice this and simply take the appropriate actions, there will be no need for all the mental gymnastics.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Just wanted to add instead of seeing it as just keeping yourself afloat see it as a brief stopover at an island, or something similar, both can be true but one feels much more positive.
    2540 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/7/2014 6:13:18 PM
    You have company in this leaky boat. Why don't I want to allow myself to lose any more weight? What has happened recently? What is going on? I have recently crossed one of those 10 pound mile markers. I have also dropped two clothing sizes. I have seen an improvement in my overall appearance. I am about 25 pounds from one of my major goals.
    It feels like I've hit an invisible wall. I can't move forward until I get everything in alignment and I can't get a handle on what is out of kilter so I don't know what to do. For now, I am just trying to hold the line. It helps to know that I'm not the only one trying to stay afloat.
    2540 days ago
    You said the key word in your sentence...."all I can DO is try" so see you're part Yoda too. Lol

    I'm like you, I'll never give up.

    Just keep focusing on the fact that you're no longer where you started.

    2540 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    Both perspectives are accurate and both are needed in order for you to keep moving forward. That reward, the acknowledgement from your coworkers, warmed your heart and I bet it inspires you to tighten down on your choices (food/movement/use of time) so that 5 pound gain doesn't sneak upwards. Once 5 pounds is ok, 7 is easy and 10 is here before you know it. (I did let that happen and I am now right back where I started...)
    2540 days ago
  • GINA180847
    It is true, your stuff is so great to read.
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13708081
    Awesome read again! You should write for a living! Seriously!

    Obviously, we don't give ourselves enough credit for how far we have come. You are absolutely right that we will all have good days and bad but that doesn't mean it discredits any of the work we did to get there.

    Great job!
    2540 days ago
    Wonderful! Well Said!
    2540 days ago
  • VEG954
    Great post emoticon
    2540 days ago
    p.s. LOVE that perspective quote!!
    2540 days ago
    'By George, I think she's got it!' (and in case you are too young to recognize that, its from 'My Fair Lady'.) EXACTLY!! You are defined by your success, not by a pesky 5 pound gain. Of COURSE you have to get back on plan to lose them again because as most of us 'career losers' can tell you (and as I'm pretty sure you know) if you don't they will be joined by some of their friends. But to the people SEEING you they DO NOT see those 5 pounds!! They see the BIG picture. So smile and say 'Thank You' ok?? Hugs, Marilyn
    2540 days ago
    Your friends and co-workers see the positive results of your hard work: 80 pounds lost.

    emoticon emoticon
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13150933
    I can identify with what you're saying. It has always been hard for me to take a compliment, so I would always have a silly remark as a response, it sounds like you do too. I had to re-train myself to just say "Thank You" and let it go at that.

    Stephanie, you are an emoticon person and you should be proud of who you are no matter how much you weigh. Here are the reasons I think this: (1) You NEVER quit, even when you have bad days; (2) You NEVER give up!!! Our weight will always fluctuate, probably on a weekly or daily basis, so treat yourself as you would a best friend. There is no doubt in my mind that you are going to make your goal. After all, Disneyland is waiting for you!!! emoticon
    2540 days ago
  • MINEA999
    Thanks for the reminder - I'm in that 'gained 10 lbs back' category while people are still telling me I look great. I have still accomplished a 60 lbs if not 70 right at this moment and have to remember to be proud of that!
    2540 days ago
    Great perspective! emoticon . Just keep pushing forward. You've got this girl. emoticon
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12915013
    emoticon for those coworkers!! You needed a mind set change and they gave you that. emoticon . You know what you must do and not to do but stop being so hard on yourself. You are so emoticon so emoticon emoticon snap my jean day is on it's way!! Have a great Monday. emoticon
    2540 days ago
    Yay for your co-workers noticing and letting you know. It does sound like you needed to hear it ... and you are doing great! emoticon
    2540 days ago
    Really profound blog!! It's emoticon that you're learning so much about yourself on this journey!! emoticon emoticon
    2540 days ago
    Be proud of what you have accomplished. I think you are emoticon and emoticon .

    2540 days ago
    You know, Steph -- it's the old "the Starbuck's cup is half full or half empty" sort of thing! While it's important to keep your eye on the prize so to speak -- it's also important to recognize and acknowledge all you've accomplished. When you find yourself starting to panic or berate yourself -- stop and think about what you would say to a friend who is in the same predicament. I doubt you'd say, "Well you've sure made some bad choices, McFatty!" -- even though you(we) are probably guilty of talking like that to ourselves! No - you would probably say something like "Hey! So you've had a little setback! Did you forget you also lost 80+lb up to now, exercise more than you ever have and have made numerous changes to your life? We all slip and slide sometimes but what's most important is we get back up! You've done that and will continue to do that. I have all kinds of faith in you. You need to work on finding that for yourself! Have a glimpse at an old picture (a "before" pic) and see and feel how successful you've been! Disneyland awaits you! I for one am waiting for the pictures!!!! emoticon
    2540 days ago
    You have come a long way..... emoticon .
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13354694
    2540 days ago
  • PEGGY11
    Your "perspective" is great and a perfect reminder to us all. Thank you.
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13384562
    It is not the five pounds that creates the problem, it's the not stopping there that does. You've got this under control and will be fine!
    2540 days ago
    One of the hardest things for us to do is to stop looking at how far we have yet to go and instead realize how far we have come. It's so easy to be down on ourselves. It's harder to lift ourselves up. Try focusing on each day instead of the end goal. Did you make a good choice just then, can you change it if you didn't? Can you make a better choice next time. Did you give your all in that workout or did you just phone it in? It's hard to work out when we are tired or riding the crimson wave or just cause that jerk cut me off on my way home and now I'm in a bad mood... Those are the times when we should push through when we should make ourselves go do that workout, cause when you've given everything you have to that workout, when you are done and sweaty, your mood will have changed. You WILL feel better about yourself! You WILL feel accomplished! You WILL feel better and KNOW that you have done something amazing for yourself. You are such a strong woman. Keep Pushing, You've got this! We will get to our goals no matter how long it takes. That time will keep passing whether we work toward our goals or not. Might as well get off our duffs and do something!

    Much Love, My Friend! emoticon
    2540 days ago
    That is a good comment about needing to find the balance in weight perspectives. Yes, you need to stay positive and appreciate all of the healthy changes you have made by losing the 80 pounds. Yet, you also need to work on not letting 5 pounds turn into more and to not ignore them. I think the key is acceptance of yourself as having times when the scale will go up a few pounds.
    You are doing a good job of staying positive!

    2540 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Well Satd. Keep Pushing Forward!!! You Can Do It!!! We are Behind You!!! Keep It Up!!! Love The Quotes.
    2540 days ago
  • -LORI-B
    We seem to be our worst critic. Sometimes it takes others to put things in perspective.
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13203216
    The big picture does say it all!! That is wonderful to have people in your life to make those compliments to remind you.

    You rock!!
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14386678
    That's my girl Stephanie back with a bang.... Yes you can and you will.... so true it's all about looking at the glass being half full not empty.... so you have lost 80+ lbs and that is what matter.....

    Love you loads sweet heart.... don't ever ever ever give up.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2540 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    emoticon emoticon Sometimes we get bogged down in the details and we lose sight of the big picture!! Remember the scale # is only one element of a healthy lifestyle, don't worry or panic at tighter jeans, but evaluate energy and stamina too. Just keep moving in the right direction at your own pace!! emoticon
    2540 days ago
    but you are now aware of them! So give yourself a break and get back on that taking care of yourself
    2540 days ago
    2540 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9138422
    Woot Woot!!!! What awesome compliments! And you ARE moving in the right direction....every road has a few twist and turns, bumps and potholes along the way, but we don't turn around and go back from where we come from because of it. We carefully tread until it smooths back out again and we can begin to speed up once more ;) As long as you are still moving FORWARD, you WILL get to your destination.
    (And all that thought out just for you...before my first cup of tea! heehee!!) {HUGS!!!}
    2540 days ago
    Yep, it all boils down to: "to try or not to try" - so lets decide to try today! All the best for today!
    2540 days ago
    I knew you would bounce back! emoticon
    2540 days ago
    Keep on keepin on!
    2540 days ago
    just keep at it we are rooting for you
    2540 days ago
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