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Time To Start LIVING!

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Sunday, June 01, 2014



I have to say, at 28 years old, I have allowed my weight to hold me back from doing SOOOOOOO many things. I know that it was my fault and my choice... all of it was. I am responsible for the weight gain, and I am responsible for missing out on things because I was too upset or embarrassed about my weight. There are overweight and obese people that are living life everyday, and living it to the fullest... I unfortunately was not one of those people.

I was never (and am not currently) a party animal. Drinking, partying, clubbing, etc. never interested me. Whether I had been a skinny stick or my overweight self it wouldn't have made any difference... those things just weren't for me. I like to do mellow things: going out to eat (of course, right? emoticon) going to the movies, the mall, etc. The thing of it was, going out to eat wasn't fun, because I always felt like people were watching and judging me. At 272 pounds, I was often the biggest person in the restaurant, and that can bring unwanted attention. I also felt that it didn't matter what I ate, they always had an opinion. "Oh she's eating a salad, what, does she think one salad will make her skinny?" Or the exact opposite "does she really need that double cheeseburger?"

That mall was fun, but really, where is there to shop? I was never big on shoes, I do have a lot of purses and that is because they always fit. emoticon There would be 1 or 2 plus size stores that I could look through, and even those weren't necessarily fun to shop in. Don't even get me started on the movies... I don't think it is as bad now, but 10 years ago going to the movies and having to possibly stuff yourself into one of these seats was never a fun thing!

So I just avoided things. I was not afraid of leaving the house or anything like that, but I just did the essentials after a while... it was just easier that way. As I started to lose weight and gain back my confidence, I really got the "who cares what you think attitude" down pat. If people were looking at me, I didn't care... judge me all you want, I have other things to do. I never really got super adventurous, but I did start to do more.

As the weight started to came off and walking became easier, that opened up a bigger variety of things I could do. I did Disneyland once with friends (5 years ago now), I did Magic Mountain however was mortified when I had to sit in the "special fat girl chair" In order to fit on a roller coaster. (That was at about 240 pounds). The really wazoo roller coasters make me nauseous now anyways, so Disneyland is more my speed... but it was truly something I will never forget. I went to the Santa Monica Pier and things that involved more walking and that was great... but I realized recently I am ready for more.

I am not one of those people that has a ton of friends who I see all the time... that's just not how it is with me. The ones I do have live kinda far, and with traffic it makes getting together hard. Not only that but I work weekends and at night, so when the rest of the world is out I'm at work or sleeping. I also am lucky enough that I have enough $$ to go and do things, and not everyone is able to do that kind of stuff all the time. Even 2 years ago (around my highest weight) I would have NEVER imagined going somewhere like the Zoo, Disneyland or even a movie by myself. It was just something I didn't think I could do. But something inside me snapped and I realized I can do whatever I want, and it doesn't matter if I'm alone.

So 2014 is the year that:
emoticon Joined a walking group, and went alone. (Okay okay, I haven't been in a month, because of work and knees hurting, but I do intend to go back, they only meet once a week).

emoticon I JUST bought a year pass to the LA ZOO. I live 20 minutes away, and although it will interrupt my normal sleep pattern to get up, I can go and do some walking and enjoy the animals. I got a pass that allows me to bring 1 person with me each time, my dad will go sometimes, and maybe my brother or a friend, but I won't mind going alone and having a good time. I am going this week for the first time with my dad and I will be sure to post some pics.

emoticon DIsneyland! Okay I shouldn't count my emoticon's before they are hatched, but I'm going to get a little over confident here. WHEN I reach my Disneyland goal, I am going to be going with my coworker, sometimes my uncle, sometimes a friend, but I think going by myself once or twice during the year is going to be fabulous for me. No one arguing about what to ride next? Sign me up! emoticon

emoticon Flying to the other side of the country. This is huge... for many people it's nothing big, but I have only driven to Arizona and Nevada, that's it! So flying to Florida alone is going to be a big deal for me. I will have people waiting there for me when I arrive, so it isn't an "alone trip", but I think the actual part of flying alone will help give me confidence to know that I can do anything.

This blog is probably making me out to look like a terrible loner. emoticon I enjoy spending time with certain people, and wouldn't necessarily choose going alone vs. going with someone. It's just this powerful feeling to know that I can do things alone, and with my schedule I have 3-4 days off a week... if I have the time to do so, why not enjoy them? Is going to the Zoo alone the greatest victory known to man? Of course not. But is it a great victory to me knowing how far I've come? You betcha. Just knowing that I am not letting my weight or anything else stand in my way is a great and powerful feeling. emoticon emoticon

If you can take one thing away from this blog, I hope it is that you understand we all deserve to be happy NOW, to start living NOW, to do what we want NOW, and to not "wait until..." It doesn't matter what the until is... whatever it is doesn't deserve to hold you back. Enjoy your life and yourself now. Whether you are at goal, 10 pounds to lose, 50 pounds to lose, 100 or even 200+ pounds to lose you are beautiful NOW, fabulous NOW, and you deserve to live NOW.. If you are already doing that then keep up the good work, and if you are not it's never too late to start! emoticon emoticon


^This one is going on my Spark page for sure. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo GRAMPIAN
    Well said. emoticon
    2448 days ago
  • WHITEANGEL4
    Great blog so much going for you
    2484 days ago
  • SWAN47
    Great attitude and inspiration. I know you are enjoying your journey and that is what life is about. emoticon
    2532 days ago
  • MAYBER
    emoticon Thank you for sharing your thoughts you never will know how many SP you inspired one day at a time emoticon
    2544 days ago
  • SUPERSYLPH
    emoticon
    2560 days ago
  • AMBER461
    Great blog, thanks for sharing.
    2562 days ago
  • CORNERKICK
    emoticon
    2564 days ago
  • MIMI315
    That's a great feeling to realize some of the obstacles you've overcome and realizing all of the progress you've made. Keep it up!
    2568 days ago
  • LEANMEAN2
    Thanks for sharing
    2568 days ago
  • MARYINFL2000
    You could have been writing my own words! I too have spent most of my life overweight, wanting to join in but making excuses because of my embarrassment and chose to avoid the awkwardness. I have become an overweight homebody who has let life pass by while I look out the window.I am now in my early fifties, full of regrets and wishing I had taken care of myself much earlier. I am happy to hear you are making better choices and while you are still younger. Just remember you didn't get overweight and out of shape over night, don't give up! Failure is never trying, success is taking steps. You can not change yesterday and you don't know what tomorrow will bring, but you can control right here, right now. I myself am working on me, one baby step at a time. You go, girl!!
    2569 days ago
  • ROXYHON
    I just LOVED your blog! You CAN do anything, and you will. You have achieved so much!!! Way to go! You are that little kitty in the photo ... you are UNSTOPPABLE!

    Keep inpiring us with your willingness to show your vulnerability, and your bravery to go on in the face of uncertainty or fear.
    2571 days ago
  • THESHELBSTER
    You forgot to mention the part where you hop over to GA to spend 2 nights with your Spark BFF that you never met before after the Florida trip. DOH! I feel your happiness and it makes me smile. :)
    2572 days ago
  • EVRLNGFOO
    way to go!
    2572 days ago
  • MOONGLOWSNANA
    And to think that you are young enough to DO SOMETHING with your new realization is a wonderful thing! You are young enough to enjoy all the things you can think of because you are YOUNG! The world is your oyster. Taste as much as you can. Sample the world at your fingertips and beyond!

    Seriously, that you have discovered Spark People and all that you can do to make your life better while you still have a long life full of possibilities is the icing on the cake of life! Enjoy!!! Live life to the fullest, Grab that gold ring on the merry-go-round and hang onto it! Make the most of each new discovery! Live your life!!! WooHoo! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2572 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13939073
    Amen sister!!! emoticon
    2573 days ago
  • IAMAGEMLOVER
    Wow, I have to do things alone too. I hate doing things alone. My BFF is away so much being a tour director. My Mom is 88 and my friends all have boyfriends or husbands. I guess I can do things alone and have a good time too. I don't have to sit home by myself. Great blog.
    2573 days ago
  • KATHIC2
    Great blog. I can really empathize.
    2573 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13026971
    emoticon
    2574 days ago
  • no profile photo SUZYALLDAY
    Going anywhere by your self is a very big deal and not something that everyone is capable of doing way to go
    2574 days ago
  • BLUETIFFANYS
    emoticon
    2574 days ago
  • LAVENDERLILY13
    Thanks for sharing!
    2574 days ago
  • PENOWOK
    I think you are doing a great job stepping out of your comfort zone...who knows what God has for you with all this great stuff!!
    2574 days ago
  • JUSTYNA7
    I have begun trying something new every year... and more and it is empowering to realize I can do so much more than I realized. Great blog. I love that you are focusing on what you are able to do too. We have to find things that work for us.. and when they do.. repeat them! Good job!
    2574 days ago
  • BLUEJEAN99
    emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Wonderful! emoticon Thank you for sharing!!
    2575 days ago
  • CICELY360
    good blog
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13738302
    emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13738302
    You know that I am rooting for you! emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10676776
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • EMMACORY
    It is good that you are comfortable with yourself. I do not mind doing things by myself either. Enjoy all those outings! emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • ROCKYCPA
    emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • JUSGETTENBY42
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    2575 days ago
  • NEWBERRYBEAR71
    Thanks for your great blog!! I've been dealing with some terrible depression, but I'm trying to push through to the other side. For now I'm just trying to stay on SP every day. Your blog brightens my day!
    2575 days ago
  • HYATTI1
    Oh my gosh girl you are on a roll keep it up. Can't wait to see how it all turns out for you.

    Joanna
    2575 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    I'm glad you are working on getting down to your goal weight. I'm 64 and today I was at the park with my 2 yo GD, Grace. I sat down on a bench where at the other end was a GM, who had a walking three-point cane. I got into a conversation with her and told her about Sparkpeople. She told me about all of her health problems, heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, etc. She was 61. After the conversation when on and I told her I was at 175#, she said to me "Oh, how I wish I was as I'm 281# last time I was at the doctor's for my diabetes check." She looked so miserable. I thought she could do so much more for herself if she was just at a normal weight. I do hope she looks up Sparkpeople.
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo BANNERMAN
    Thanks for sharing.
    2575 days ago
  • RUFFIT
    emoticon I remember a time on the plane to Disney Land I was given a seat belt extender. How embarrassing. I still did not care until I joined Spark in 2009. What a change in my life. Yes I do love my life and yes I live it every day!! Enjoy your journey - I know I do!! Hugz,

    2575 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    Go for it!

    emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • CHEBBA
    What a lovely positive set of thoughts and decisions. With those in your armoury, you can only go from strength to strength, reach your goals and be what and who you want to be.

    Well done, you!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13294109
    Great job! And I totally agree, Live NOW BUT DON'T give up on your goal. Being fat is never fun so no matter what we say or do, we do want to be healthy and from that we will make ourselves happier. I have always been overweight and never Shy but I was hiding behind that. Since I became serious about SP, life is changing week after week. I LOVE the SP diet plan and substitute where I need to as I try to follow a lower carb program as much as possible. Fad and quick weight loss diets are never the answer and SP might not seem exciting BUT it will get you to that goal that is yours. Hugs and good luck. Jude/daisypetal co leader of Females 55 +.
    2575 days ago
  • GRLTAZ
    Maybe, just maybe, by living in the now, you may meet someone new to do things with but being comfortable with yourself, makes you comfortable with others so win- win in my book. Keep pushing !
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13669487
    emoticon emoticon Very AWESOME blog and SO TRUE!!!!!!! One of the reasons I had to switch BLC teams. I don't want to despise my journey, I want to ENJOY my journey EVERY STEP of the way and ENJOY LIFE NOW!! Not despise who I am now!!
    2575 days ago
  • WHITEANGEL4
    A great blog. You are on a great journey to transform yourself. Congratulations on being a person that can do some things alone. Many are not able to do anything alon
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14409128
    It seems that you have gone to different restaurants in a different place, as even when I topped 300 lbs, I rarely was the biggest in restaurants around here!

    You have made the right steps for you are are ready to fly. That being said, you don't have to be the "life" of the party, just enjoy it.


    2575 days ago
  • NEWTINK
    Once you loose the weight that we have something inside changes and you start seeing yourself without others. You are no longer the fat girl that makes the other girls look better or the fat girl that keeps everyone laughing. Sometimes I find it easier to do things alone than to continually explain things to a group lol. You are doing great emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • GONNALOSE5
    What an inspiring Blog post. You offer no excuses or place blame. Continued success on your to better health and a better life. emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • BABYBARNEY
    You hit the nail on the head! Now is where it's at!!! Kudos to you for realizing that you deserve to be happy...you keep letting your light SHINE!!!!

    Sandi emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • PATRICIAANN46
    emoticon for the wonderful words of wisdom. You are so right. emoticon
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo NONNAOF2
    This was a wonderful blog! You are doing for yourself and that's what counts! Get out there girl and have a blast with your life!! :-)
    2575 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13150933
    emoticon emoticon blog!!! Life will pass you by if you let it. You are NEVER promised a tomorrow, so you should enjoy it NOW while you can!!! emoticon emoticon
    2575 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.