I have to say, at 28 years old, I have allowed my weight to hold me back from doing SOOOOOOO many things. I know that it was my fault and my choice... all of it was. I am responsible for the weight gain, and I am responsible for missing out on things because I was too upset or embarrassed about my weight. There are overweight and obese people that are living life everyday, and living it to the fullest... I unfortunately was not one of those people.
I was never (and am not currently) a party animal. Drinking, partying, clubbing, etc. never interested me. Whether I had been a skinny stick or my overweight self it wouldn't have made any difference... those things just weren't for me. I like to do mellow things: going out to eat (of course, right?
) going to the movies, the mall, etc. The thing of it was, going out to eat wasn't fun, because I always felt like people were watching and judging me. At 272 pounds, I was often the biggest person in the restaurant, and that can bring unwanted attention. I also felt that it didn't matter what I ate, they always had an opinion. "Oh she's eating a salad, what, does she think one salad will make her skinny?" Or the exact opposite "does she really need that double cheeseburger?"
That mall was fun, but really, where is there to shop? I was never big on shoes, I do have a lot of purses and that is because they always fit.
There would be 1 or 2 plus size stores that I could look through, and even those weren't necessarily fun to shop in. Don't even get me started on the movies... I don't think it is as bad now, but 10 years ago going to the movies and having to possibly stuff yourself into one of these seats was never a fun thing!
So I just avoided things. I was not afraid of leaving the house or anything like that, but I just did the essentials after a while... it was just easier that way. As I started to lose weight and gain back my confidence, I really got the "who cares what you think attitude" down pat. If people were looking at me, I didn't care... judge me all you want, I have other things to do. I never really got super adventurous, but I did start to do more.
As the weight started to came off and walking became easier, that opened up a bigger variety of things I could do. I did Disneyland once with friends (5 years ago now), I did Magic Mountain however was mortified when I had to sit in the "special fat girl chair" In order to fit on a roller coaster. (That was at about 240 pounds). The really wazoo roller coasters make me nauseous now anyways, so Disneyland is more my speed... but it was truly something I will never forget. I went to the Santa Monica Pier and things that involved more walking and that was great... but I realized recently I am ready for more.
I am not one of those people that has a ton of friends who I see all the time... that's just not how it is with me. The ones I do have live kinda far, and with traffic it makes getting together hard. Not only that but I work weekends and at night, so when the rest of the world is out I'm at work or sleeping. I also am lucky enough that I have enough $$ to go and do things, and not everyone is able to do that kind of stuff all the time. Even 2 years ago (around my highest weight) I would have NEVER imagined going somewhere like the Zoo, Disneyland or even a movie by myself. It was just something I didn't think I could do. But something inside me snapped and I realized I can do whatever I want, and it doesn't matter if I'm alone.
So 2014 is the year that:
Joined a walking group, and went alone. (Okay okay, I haven't been in a month, because of work and knees hurting, but I do intend to go back, they only meet once a week).
I JUST bought a year pass to the LA ZOO. I live 20 minutes away, and although it will interrupt my normal sleep pattern to get up, I can go and do some walking and enjoy the animals. I got a pass that allows me to bring 1 person with me each time, my dad will go sometimes, and maybe my brother or a friend, but I won't mind going alone and having a good time. I am going this week for the first time with my dad and I will be sure to post some pics.
DIsneyland! Okay I shouldn't count my
's before they are hatched, but I'm going to get a little over confident here. WHEN I reach my Disneyland goal, I am going to be going with my coworker, sometimes my uncle, sometimes a friend, but I think going by myself once or twice during the year is going to be fabulous for me. No one arguing about what to ride next? Sign me up!
Flying to the other side of the country. This is huge... for many people it's nothing big, but I have only driven to Arizona and Nevada, that's it! So flying to Florida alone is going to be a big deal for me. I will have people waiting there for me when I arrive, so it isn't an "alone trip", but I think the actual part of flying alone will help give me confidence to know that I can do anything.
This blog is probably making me out to look like a terrible loner.
I enjoy spending time with certain people, and wouldn't necessarily choose going alone vs. going with someone. It's just this powerful feeling to know that I can do things alone, and with my schedule I have 3-4 days off a week... if I have the time to do so, why not enjoy them? Is going to the Zoo alone the greatest victory known to man? Of course not. But is it a great victory to me knowing how far I've come? You betcha. Just knowing that I am not letting my weight or anything else stand in my way is a great and powerful feeling.
If you can take one thing away from this blog, I hope it is that you understand we all deserve to be happy NOW, to start living NOW, to do what we want NOW, and to not "wait until..." It doesn't matter what the until is... whatever it is doesn't deserve to hold you back. Enjoy your life and yourself now. Whether you are at goal, 10 pounds to lose, 50 pounds to lose, 100 or even 200+ pounds to lose you are beautiful NOW, fabulous NOW, and you deserve to live NOW.. If you are already doing that then keep up the good work, and if you are not it's never too late to start!
^This one is going on my Spark page for sure.