Thursday, May 08, 2014
So, for several months, I have been working with a personal trainer. I LOVE it. I have gained so much! My balance is better than it has ever been. My strength is regained enough that I can work outdoors in the yard after a winter off without frequent breaks. I can bike better than I ever could (not my previous favorite activity, but I am learning.)
I have seen a few negative things. My trainer hasn't encouraged my weight loss efforts and with my brooding after my foot surgery as well as muscle gain from the workouts, I have put on 15 pounds the past 6 months. This isn't her fault, it is mine, but it is a fact.
I also was so worried about my feet for so long, that I had a few mini panic attacks during our preliminary workouts. I thought little of it since we were being careful of the feet and she let me stop when I "couldn't" do the exercise.
Two weeks ago, I wasn't so lucky. I had a full fledged panic attack and hyperventilated, my muscles wouldn't hold me up and it was awful. I have had super anxiety every day since. I went to the gym and did my workouts, reducing the load when I felt overwhelmed. I rode the bike. I am even getting more and more steps everyday with my spark=tracker.
Still, every time I begin to get close to the gym, my heart races and my breathing intensifies.
Last Friday (Training day) I was physically ill and cancelled on the trainer. My stress level is causing physical ailments. Exercise is supposed to make it go away, not increase it.
Yesterday I forced myself to go to the gym alone again. I chose one of her earlier suggested workouts. I simplified her regimen when needed and kept the heart rate down during the warm-up. Still, I wanted to test things a bit and tried to push the exertion rate. I started to feel my chest constrict, breathing faster, I stopped and tried to walk it off. I was able to walk it off, but it scared me.
So, when I came home, I googled it. Exercise phobia is a real thing. Apparently the fast breathing and fast heart rate of exercise reminds the body of a panic attack and it remembers the fears and heads straight into hyperventilation. The only way to deal with it is to listen to your body and stop when it insists on it. Another challenge for me to hurdle.