Thursday, April 03, 2014
Every Thursday is bagel and cookie day at our office. We get Panera bagels and cookies. They sit in the kitchen right outside my office door. I smell toasting bagels and sweets all morning long.
I have been doing pretty good staying away from them or just breaking off a piece of a cookie. Today was different.
I walked by those cookies at least five times this morning. I looked in the box to see if my favorites were there. Yep, they were. Later on the toffee cookies were gone, but the shortbreads were still there. Hmmmmmm, over 300 calories in one of those cookies. Not in my calorie count unless that cookie IS my lunch. I walked by.
Self talk begins..... you did so good last month, you DESERVE that cookie. Funny how seeing what my mind says is the right number on the scale gives me the stamp of approval to eat something clearly not in my meal plan! Yep, reward yourself with the very thing that brought you to this place of unhealthiness and unhappiness. Makes perfect sense, right? and then it's the voice that says, quick grab it before someone else does! like it is the last shortbread cookie of all time! Hmmmmm, there will be more on the shelf in Panera if it is gone, no need to panic. Oh ya - and then there is the oooooohhhh remember how good they taste, how buttery they are. mmmmmm. ok, keep going, how afterwards you need to get rid of that buttery stuff in your mouth by eating something else or washing it down with a fizzy soda. Makes even more sense, right?
So guess what?
I ATE IT!!! and washed it down with a diet soda.
And now guess what, the shame gremlins are bantering back and forth. Hah, no willpower. I knew she'd cave. She will NEVER hit her goal weight. That's about a 45 minute walk on the treadmill, or more just to break even.
Feelings and emotions are on a sugar frenzy, anger, guilt, shame, regret, remorse, more anger, frustration, bewilderment, feeling weak and defeated - and my self worth slipped a notch. UGH! And then my coworker who lost the 17 lbs on her Jumpstart to Skinny says "No way am I eating one of those, I worked too hard to get here to throw it away with a cookie"...... more guilt.
OK Barb. Let it go. The cookie is gone. The soda is gone. There are more choices to be made. You are going to need your strength to walk those three miles tonight, don't waste it.
What would you tell a Spark Buddy who ate the cookie? Would you tell them they will never see their goal? Nope. You'd say "Get back up, come on, we have places to go" So quit telling yourself that crap and let's get moving. Quit punnishing yourself. It's over. Your self worth has nothing to do with what you eat.
Wow ---- all that from eating a cookie. Reading it, I couldn't help but chuckle. I bet none of the skinny girls in the office ever think ANY of those thoughts when eating a cookie!
OK, now I am laughing, the tears are gone - actually I might have a few laughter tears. Yep, moving on. Places to go!