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THE cookie

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Every Thursday is bagel and cookie day at our office. We get Panera bagels and cookies. They sit in the kitchen right outside my office door. I smell toasting bagels and sweets all morning long.

I have been doing pretty good staying away from them or just breaking off a piece of a cookie. Today was different.

I walked by those cookies at least five times this morning. I looked in the box to see if my favorites were there. Yep, they were. Later on the toffee cookies were gone, but the shortbreads were still there. Hmmmmmm, over 300 calories in one of those cookies. Not in my calorie count unless that cookie IS my lunch. I walked by.

Self talk begins..... you did so good last month, you DESERVE that cookie. Funny how seeing what my mind says is the right number on the scale gives me the stamp of approval to eat something clearly not in my meal plan! Yep, reward yourself with the very thing that brought you to this place of unhealthiness and unhappiness. Makes perfect sense, right? and then it's the voice that says, quick grab it before someone else does! like it is the last shortbread cookie of all time! Hmmmmm, there will be more on the shelf in Panera if it is gone, no need to panic. Oh ya - and then there is the oooooohhhh remember how good they taste, how buttery they are. mmmmmm. ok, keep going, how afterwards you need to get rid of that buttery stuff in your mouth by eating something else or washing it down with a fizzy soda. Makes even more sense, right?

So guess what?

I ATE IT!!! and washed it down with a diet soda.

And now guess what, the shame gremlins are bantering back and forth. Hah, no willpower. I knew she'd cave. She will NEVER hit her goal weight. That's about a 45 minute walk on the treadmill, or more just to break even.

Feelings and emotions are on a sugar frenzy, anger, guilt, shame, regret, remorse, more anger, frustration, bewilderment, feeling weak and defeated - and my self worth slipped a notch. UGH! And then my coworker who lost the 17 lbs on her Jumpstart to Skinny says "No way am I eating one of those, I worked too hard to get here to throw it away with a cookie"...... more guilt.

OK Barb. Let it go. The cookie is gone. The soda is gone. There are more choices to be made. You are going to need your strength to walk those three miles tonight, don't waste it.

What would you tell a Spark Buddy who ate the cookie? Would you tell them they will never see their goal? Nope. You'd say "Get back up, come on, we have places to go" So quit telling yourself that crap and let's get moving. Quit punnishing yourself. It's over. Your self worth has nothing to do with what you eat.

Wow ---- all that from eating a cookie. Reading it, I couldn't help but chuckle. I bet none of the skinny girls in the office ever think ANY of those thoughts when eating a cookie!

OK, now I am laughing, the tears are gone - actually I might have a few laughter tears. Yep, moving on. Places to go!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD14148396

    LOVE this. It so explains the whole shame process of the emotional eater.
    Maybe one day we will learn to give ourselves a little goodie once in awhile without allowing it to derail our inner thinking. I mean really, it's just 300 calories!

    Love you, Sue
    2638 days ago
  • LE7_1234
    I've been at different stages with cookies/sugar. Sometimes I do better if I ignore them completely. I just feel better. It's not the guilt--I just feel healthier without.

    And sometimes it's more important to my progress to allow an extra cookie into my life. BUT... when I do, it's very important to me to take the extra time to actually enjoy the heck out of that cookie. The part of me that used to binge says "eat it quick, so no one sees, so you can't stop yourself". When that's my inner dialog, it actually helps to say "I will have that cookie if and only if I'm willing to eat it in front of people, slowly, noticing the taste and texture... enjoying." Sometimes allowing myself to have it is enough to make me not want it. But if I do, eating it slowly and mindfully is enough to let me notice when I've had enough.

    Since this is a regular thing, you might be better off skipping the cookie at work... but don't ignore the part of you that's saying you "deserve" it. You DO deserve something. What have you done to reward yourself lately?
    2638 days ago
  • CINDYT63
    I had a cookie issue myself today. It was a bigger moment than it should have been. But I had one cookie! I have a new mantra, it's "it's done. Move on". It's so easy to catastrophe and get in a punish punish repunish cycle. You are doing great. Next time it's cookie/bagel day, call in a bomb threat to the store or call and tell them their cookies have been recalled. Say you are from the health department. Problem solved! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2638 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13482548
    When the temptation is right there and then you have to think this over is really hard. One thing your life did not end because of that one cookie. And while contemplating what to do you did walk some steps before you had the cookie!
    2638 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13423552
    Yep, moving on. It was on cookie, one diet soda, not the end of the world. Moving on. You know how this works!
    2639 days ago
  • MOM2ACAT
    I can relate; when I use to work, at my last job, every Friday was "donut day". Most of the time I was able to stay away, but every once in a while I gave in and ate one. But I tried to just learn from it and move on, instead of having regrets.
    2639 days ago
  • SLIMMERJESSE
    I always make myself not regret whenever I eat yummies. Just relax. You'll do fine. After all, we have to have some enjoyment in life.
    2639 days ago
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