Worries r getting to me today and it makes me feel a little selfish!
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Worries are especially getting to me today. Tomorrow, I go back to school and have always doubted my choices. I am not good at the things that would be practical and worry that I am setting myself up for doom. It sounds so ridiculous out loud. I can be positive for an hour or a day or if I am luck, a week. It is so hard to deal with and explain to people who don't go through it. My friend is almost done with her classes and then will go into credential courses and become a teacher. We both always wanted to be teachers, just at different grade levels but my mind changed and it's not that I think it's a bad career. I just lost interest in the subject I planned to teach and didn't think I could handle working with children because they are balls of energy and I still get tired from thyroid issues. Now I am in school but I am still afraid I won't ever be anything..and it makes me sick to my stomach. I throw up sometimes, I get panic attacks and I am working on it but it's hard. Some dats are better than others. I worry about the future and that I won't have any $ to pay bills and stuff. My friend doesn't know if teaching will workout for her but she is still trying. I don't know what pushes me to go to school .
I have all of these doubts that I am not good enough, smart enough, and fears that I'll never succeed. :(
I am nervous and I have mixed feelings about being around people. Sometimes, I enjoy the interaction and sometimes, I want to run away and hide. The students are mostly a little younger than me and it makes me feel weird. A could days ago, I felt a little ore positive but today I just feel down. The worst part is I feel selfish to be worrying about this when another friend of mine is going through much worse things. Her families house is getting put up for auction :( and I feel really bad for them. She goes through a lot of the same anxiety I do.
And that's just the way I feel right now. Anxiety is exhausting and solves nothing but it's still there.