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Worries r getting to me today and it makes me feel a little selfish!

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Worries are especially getting to me today. Tomorrow, I go back to school and have always doubted my choices. I am not good at the things that would be practical and worry that I am setting myself up for doom. It sounds so ridiculous out loud. I can be positive for an hour or a day or if I am luck, a week. It is so hard to deal with and explain to people who don't go through it. My friend is almost done with her classes and then will go into credential courses and become a teacher. We both always wanted to be teachers, just at different grade levels but my mind changed and it's not that I think it's a bad career. I just lost interest in the subject I planned to teach and didn't think I could handle working with children because they are balls of energy and I still get tired from thyroid issues. Now I am in school but I am still afraid I won't ever be anything..and it makes me sick to my stomach. I throw up sometimes, I get panic attacks and I am working on it but it's hard. Some dats are better than others. I worry about the future and that I won't have any $ to pay bills and stuff. My friend doesn't know if teaching will workout for her but she is still trying. I don't know what pushes me to go to school .
I have all of these doubts that I am not good enough, smart enough, and fears that I'll never succeed. :(

I am nervous and I have mixed feelings about being around people. Sometimes, I enjoy the interaction and sometimes, I want to run away and hide. The students are mostly a little younger than me and it makes me feel weird. A could days ago, I felt a little ore positive but today I just feel down. The worst part is I feel selfish to be worrying about this when another friend of mine is going through much worse things. Her families house is getting put up for auction :( and I feel really bad for them. She goes through a lot of the same anxiety I do.

And that's just the way I feel right now. Anxiety is exhausting and solves nothing but it's still there.

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  • no profile photo CD13416738
    I understand where you are coming from . I have been singing specials in church for about 35 years and now i hate to get up front but dh plays bass and sings some with me and loves it so i do it for him and of course the Lord . Everything that bothers us the Lord cares and understands no matter how small it seems to us ! When i get overwhelmed i can sing a favorite gospel song even in my mind and it calms me . Praying for you on the team GOD ANSWERS PRAYER my friend ! GOD WILL BE THERE FOR YOU AND SO AM I !
    2628 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13415521
    awe im sorry that your having all those feelings of doubt and insecurity emoticon my pastor told us sunday that we need to quit thinking so much and just do what we set out to do ...if its Gods will it will come to pass if not then he will change the course for you
    2629 days ago
    Sorry you are having a not-so-good-time. I can understand the age difference concern.. I had been out of school for 10 years when I decided to go to college. I graduated with a BS in Elementary Education with a math minor... Finally landed a job in a factory, less than a year later I was pink-slipped and got an office job. Part of the reason I landed the office job was because I had completed my 4 year college degree. Although the college education had absolutely nothing to do with my work in that office. Sometimes we just have to have faith in ourselves and God's plan for us.
    2629 days ago
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