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The suspense...

Friday, March 21, 2014

So, I'm really a giant ball of anxiety lately. I've been trying to busy myself and keep my mind occupied otherwise I'll fret myself senseless.

I was weaned off progesterone at 16 weeks and I'm 18w3days today. The Dr. hasn't bothered to check my hormones, hasn't given me the results of my prenatal panel two weeks ago and he's treating everything like normal. I've got two weeks until I see him again and yesterday when I experienced my apparent first batch of round ligament pains the Dr. never called me back...while his nurse was very reassuring and explained to me how to tell the difference between those and contractions...he didn't call like the nurse said he would. I contemplated storming up there and letting him feel the wrath of my pregnant rage...but, the pains were A) nothing more than feeling like I pulled all my groin muscles on leg day and B) completely gone in like 30 minutes. None-the-less the reassurance from the man taking my money to help me have, maintain, and birth a healthy baby would be nice.

I know I probably shouldn't worry but, until I clear the 5 months 21 day mark which is the farthest I've ever carried too I will worry. I will worry despite my husbands attempts at reassuring me that was 10 years, 200 pounds, and not with his "super healthy Viking child". I will worry simply because all I can do is wait and attempt to have faith in my PCOS riddled body that has let me down plenty.

I'm still keeping tabs on my eating and I'm up somewhere between 6 to 9 pounds depending on the scale. However, upon mentioning ice cream and cheeseburger sounded awesome my Dad loaded me up with 1,300 calories of junk food in the form of a large Sonic blast with extra m&m's and a cheeseburger...I'm not used to eating things like that...oh dear lord did I pay for it too! My stomach bubbled and made terrifying sounds...thank goodness it only did that. Though...the cheeseburger he can buy me but, when I asked for watermelon for a week no one found any of that.

I'm still walking everyday 30 minutes minimum in the evening after doing all my household chores, yard work, or whatever activity I've planned. I'm the crazy chick with the beginnings of a baby bump walking down the gravel road talking to it. Meh, it's soothing even if I look completely nuts.

I just keep telling myself everything is fine and I'm going to have this baby. I have to admit though without the progesterone making me too exhausted to feel anything I'm starting to feel the roller coaster of emotions that comes with this experience. Upon experiencing those mild pains yesterday I lost my head and spent the better part of an hour blubbering about things that are beyond my control. Then I followed it up by yelling at DH for not knowing how to comfort me. All in all I guess that really is going pretty normal.
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    2323 days ago
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    2327 days ago
    2331 days ago
    oh my i hear all the pain in your message - I know how you feel I had a number of miscarriages and many of the doctors will not treat you like it is serious and when it is too late turn around and say why did you not tell me. Dont stop telling them what you feel and get a better doctor if you need to as this one does not seem to help much
    2331 days ago
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