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Holy Sabotage Batman!

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Saturday, March 15, 2014

I have definitely talked about this self sabotaging before, and here I am dealing with it again. In previous weight loss attempts, I started self sabotaging at the 40 pounds lost mark. This current weight loss journey (which I am determined to say it is my FINAL one btw) is a few days shy of 2 years and by far my most successful. I made it past the dreaded 40 pound mark... I know I self sabotaged as I approached Onederland. I took many extra months to get to Onederland because of my sabotaging. I hit the 180's in October of last year, and then the holidays paired up with self sabotage and I am just now undoing that damage and busting back into the 180's. The day that I saw the 180's during my official weigh in is the day that my eating went out of control. I know that is no coincidence. It isn't a conscious thing where I think "Hey, I'm doing absolutely fabulous! Why don't we eat until we are completely stuffed and keep doing that until we ruin everything?!" It is something that I realize I am doing after the fact, and it can get downright frustrating.

I know I have fears about getting to my weight loss goal. I know that there was a part of me that never thought I could do it, and that gets in my way sometimes too. I know some of the reasons I do what I do, but I haven't fully gotten a grip on it yet. It just seems like I am stacking the odds against me, I am an emotional, over eater by nature... that is plenty to deal with, but I have a self saboteur on top of it. I did some googling, and I actually found two fabulous articles dealing with the subject that have really opened my eyes quite a bit. I will post those links at the bottom of the blog. One thing I was learning is that your subconscious wants to take the path of least resistance. They went on to explain that if you have been used to always having a beer after work and watching 5 hours of tv, that is what your subconscious wants to do. They went on to explain that you can of course change that path, but you need to do it with consistency and habit forming.

Reading that, I realized that I have some of those habits formed already. I have consistently drank plenty of water for the last 2 years. I don't even think about it anymore, I just do it. I fill up my jug to take to work, and I am always drinking. For the past year I have walked Sparky on my days off and walked at work. It is an automatic response. It doesn't surprise me that the one habit that is the hardest for me to overcome has to do with food. I have had an unhealthy relationship with food my entire life... so to think that even 2 years on this journey could undo the other 20 years of battling with food is silly. It is going to take a lot more to "undo" the way I use food for more than just fuel.

I know that the 180's are a scary place for me. It is the smallest I have been in over 10 years. The lowest I got was 186 before I flipped out, and here I am barely in the 180's and already flipping out a little. I can give into the self saboteur, throw in the towel, go back to my old ways, and start packing on all the pounds I lost... or I can continue to educate myself, learn about myself and why I do the things I do, and continue to battle it... and battle it I will! No matter how "scary" it is to me to approach my goal weight, it is way scarier to think about being 272 pounds again. The affects it had on my health, my self esteem, my body (the physical exhaustion that comes with carrying so much extra weight), etc. are something that I can not bare to go back to. So I will consider it a blessing that drinking my water and taking daily walks are already a habit, and no longer something I have to work at.... And I will put my focus on my eating. Not just what I eat or how much I eat, but why I eat and how I can have a healthier relationship with food.

On a totally unrelated note, I have decided what I will be doing for my 14 day streak starting on the 18th... NANCYTUNBERG64 told me that her plan was to watch her sodium, and I thought that was an outstanding idea! I have ALWAYS been way over my sodium allotment, and it was something I couldn't be bothered to deal with. It was enough for me to deal with tracking my calories and all of that. So my 14 day streak will be to stay under 2300mg of sodium daily, and to cut down my diet soda to 1 can per day. Those were 2 things that I never thought I would work on, because I felt there were bigger fish to fry. But I am very curious to see how my body will react to not have to be swimming in a sea of sodium. I also think if I can cut the soda down to one a day, I could very well move on to having one every other day, and maybe get down to where it is a rare treat or something that doesn't interest me.

emoticon Edit: After much thought, I have decided to attempt to cut the diet soda habit cold turkey. Wish me luck. emoticon

Here are the articles that I found very helpful on the subject of self sabotage. If you have any information on the topic of self sabotage, overeating or emotional eating, please share it. :)



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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Nice Picture.

    2281 days ago
    Thnaks for sharing
    2551 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2556 days ago
  • no profile photo GRAMPIAN
    You're doing well. emoticon
    2569 days ago
  • no profile photo INCH_BY_INCH
    cutting out soda is a huge help. At least it has been for me. emoticon
    2575 days ago
    You can do this!
    2630 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5313541
    THANK YOU!! I do this same think, never even though of the phrase self-sabotage. This was really eye opening for me.
    2641 days ago
    Good luck - you can do it.
    2645 days ago
    2649 days ago
    2649 days ago
    Very encourging words - thank you - and I know you'll obtain your goal on cutting back on your soda.

    2653 days ago
    Hi. My name is Melissa and Bethshared your blog in hers. I do the same thing. I am interested in how your soda ban is going and interested in how your life is changing so I am subscribing to your blog. Be prepared to hear more from me1! I'm going to check out your recommended readings now and I thank you. I feel you!
    2654 days ago
    I know you will work your way out of the 180s and your fears. You can do it. Like you say self education is important. Plus you have already established healthy habits. I lost 40 pounds and then hit a plateau. I decided to try a gym boot camp and it helped.

    Good luck on the 14 day streak.
    2654 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14526850
    I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are going to reach goal weight and by the time you do, all those problem foods, drinks, etc. are no longer going to be problems. I know that you are going to be amazed at the difference going from a high sodium intake to low sodium will make to your weight loss. I may go over my sodium level two or maybe three times each week, and the following day I'm left in no doubt that my puffy, swollen legs, ankles, feet and hands are caused by too much salt the previous day.

    2654 days ago
  • BLISS2014
    emoticon You really spoke to the heart of the matter, and oh yes I'm there with you! Thank you for you both your candor and your links to other resources! Great stuff! You absolutely CAN AND WILL CONQUER the soda pop. I had to find something that I could replace it with temporarily. Then I made sure that I had access to the substitute at all times. That was me TAKING CARE OF ME. I don' t know why the substitute didn't become just another bad habit, but it didn't . ( I went from diet soda to ice tea, then finally to bottled water, with an occasional ice tea.) Now it just doesn't matter what I have, but I don't really care for soda any more, now it tastes bad to me and upsets my stomach. I am switching things up to get past my self- stuck point also. My target is carbs. This is just a straw that I am grasping "to be able to swim to shore". I don't know what my fear is, but I too, REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON GETTING THERE! There are enough of us responding to your wise words to start a whole TEAM of Sparkys Moving Past Sabotage! emoticon
    2654 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13365327
    Thank you for this. I once shared about "self-sabotage" and the only advice people could offer was for me to go to therapy. They thought it was utterly ridiculous.

    Thanks for letting me realize I'm not alone.
    2655 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    2655 days ago
  • 46SHADOW
    I keep picturing the elephant I'm riding. So helpful!
    2655 days ago
    Quitting soda was one of the best things i did it is hard but not as hard as giving up coffee was for me.
    2655 days ago
    2655 days ago
    2655 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. Self-sabotage is something I struggle with too.
    2655 days ago
  • DISNEY4537
    Thank you for sharing! Keep pushing! Cutting diet soda is a great idea! emoticon emoticon
    2655 days ago
    Thank you so much for sharing your story and links.
    2655 days ago
    Yes I have and continue to do the same thing. I can relate and appreciate your blog. Good luck with your soda. I have a soda about once a month now. I just can't do diet drinks so that one was important to me 2. emoticon
    2655 days ago
  • BECCA315
    WOW, this is something I can totally relate to. Every time I get close to the 200# mark, I start eating like crazy. I've been working on the same ten pounds for close to a year now. Makes me wonder why I do this...
    2655 days ago
    What a journey you have been on! Keep on keeping on! I am so proud of you. You have an amazing attitude that I need to adopt.
    2655 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13026971
    Keep pushing
    2655 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13738302
    Once again we are walking parallel paths Steph! Self-sabotage, check, emotional eating, check, need to give up diet soda again, check! emoticon
    2655 days ago
  • MOMMY445
    thank you for sharing,Stephanie! a great blog and terrific goals! you can do this!
    2655 days ago
    Wow, I had no idea self-sabotage was as real as it is, and to so many of us. I thought I was the only one.

    Thank you for sharing the links...can't wait to read and learn a little more! Best wishes to you...you're doing great!
    2655 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    All the best to you!
    2655 days ago
    Good luck cutting out the diet soda. I was a Coca Cola addict until January when I quit cold turkey. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought. I still get a craving for bubbles sometimes so I will drink a sugar free Red Bull. I know you can achieve your goal. Look what you have already accomplished. Also thanks for the links to the articles, very interesting. emoticon
    2655 days ago
    knowing is half the battle. I know you can do this. Look how far you've come.

    Thanks for the links!
    2655 days ago
  • LESLIE56
    emoticon and you will be Fabulous!
    2655 days ago
  • CICELY360
    good blog
    2655 days ago
    Thank you for sharing. Really helpful. emoticon
    2655 days ago
  • AJB121299
    2656 days ago
    i'm a horrible self-saboteur myself. it's awful! i have done some research so i plan to check out the links. i didn't even realize it was a thing til i was walking one day thinking about how i'm always sabotaging my efforts and getting no where. then it dawned on me. i'm getting better at it. i can recognize when it's coming and i hope to one day be able to stop it before it does too much damage. good luck with your journey!
    2656 days ago
    I have been having a horrible horrible time with self sabatoge - your blog and the articles included will be so helpful! Thank you for sharing them with all of us. Best of luck as you work on breaking this cycle!
    2656 days ago
    Great information in both of those articles. Pretty much what SP teaches from the beginning about trying to change everything at one time. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and those sites. emoticon
    2656 days ago
    2656 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2491696
    2656 days ago
    2656 days ago
    That's AWESOME to know that you're gonna work on sodium! I actually started watching mine in June of last year when I started again... it's AMAZING how much we eat without realizing it!! I went through OLD OLD food logs of the FIRST time I started, and my sodium was sometimes above 3k!! Now, I usually end the day with it between 1500-1800mg. I read food labels like crazy, and I won't buy something if the sodium count is too high for my liking. It is a HARD hard thing to do, but I've noticed that I'm way less bloated when I'm keeping a very close eye on it.
    As for the diet soda, I know that will be super hard too. BUT I also know that you are super strong, and you will kick that diet soda to the curb!!
    2656 days ago
    This was so helpful. Last year I lost about 30 lbs and got within sight of my mid-term goal and then got scared and started eating up a storm again, gaining back 15 lbs. It's taken a long time, but I'm back on track now and need to push through that scary "wow, this is actually working" fright and get to (and maintain) my long range goal. :)
    2656 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14017737
    Ah-ha! emoticon Self-sabotage! The enemy within. emoticon

    One of the hardest things for me is to get from head knowledge to heart knowledge...that difference between knowing what I need to do and what I "think" I deserve and am worthy of to the point where I truly believe in my heart and soul that I am worth all the time, effort and resources that I expend on getting to a "happy" weight.

    Great idea to cut back on sodium and diet soda. emoticon

    2656 days ago
  • no profile photo SUZYALLDAY
    emoticon emoticon
    2656 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14599859
    Great post! I appreciate everything you put into it, from title and awesome picture through your brave, self-aware reporting, straight on down to the thoughtful links. I empathize and send you good thoughts and encouragement on your journey.
    2656 days ago
    I need to read this today. I self-sabotage myself all the time. No more! Time to start creating healthy habits. Ironically I downloaded an app called Stand up this morning to remind me to get up and move every hour at work. I tend to forget to move.

    You can do the no more diet soda. I stopped drinking soda 8 months ago cold turkey also. Every so often I crave one but reach for my water instead. You got this!
    2656 days ago
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