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Looking at my emotions and my food addiction.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

I had such an interesting day yesterday. I started the day off on a very good note, I went to a meeting for people struggling with food and their weight. The meeting was nice, the stories similar to my own. I gained renewed focus knowing weekends are always a struggle for me to make healthy food choices.
I went to pick up a family member to stay the night at my house. This person has some issues mentally. The day started up beat and was fine until this person got upset and blew up on all the members in our family living in our house. I was very upset. Angry, to the point I wanted to punch. hit, or kick. I was resentful because this person denied having taken something very important to me, they were insulted that I accused them of doing this. I was insulted that the person would take something obviously not theirs then lie to me about it and insist I was in the wrong. I felt so angry my gut reaction was to go to my room, close the door and go to my stash of candy bars. I held back. I chose to go for my nightly walk/jog with 2 of my family members who were there to support me in my weight loss. I came home, the situation had settled for the moment. Like I said this person has mental health issues and was up and down until 2am arguing and yelling at everyone.
This morning I woke up and still felt annoyed and irritated. A trusted family member confronted her again this time she returned the item too me with just a "Here take it!"
My point is, my food addiction is directly related to my feelings. I eat to comfort myself from sadness, anger, frustration, and anxiety. I eat to make myself feel better. Last night I made a huge step in looking at my feelings. I knew why I was mad, I knew eating a candy bar wouldn't help me, but would only make me feel better for a while but ultimately I would feel guilty about it later. Last night was a first step in accepting my feelings not eating them away. I hope I can continue this, I hope this is the beginning of a healthy life style change.
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