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Back to square One.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

I have decided to try again - One more time, give it my very best shot and fight to get what I have strived for so many times - a Healthier and Happier Me.

Since my late 20's I have struggled with my weight - it has battered and bullied me, ruled my life, dictated my mood and lifestyle and generally ruined my life. I have missed so many family outings, nights out with friends, holidays - you name it and I have found a reason not to go or take part in it.

I have made excuses and sometimes downright lied to get out of things - all because I have been and am so ashamed of my size, and the effect the weight has on me. I dread sunny days, hot days - I have spent so many of them shut up in the house when everyone else is out enjoying the feeling of the warm sun on their skin, To me Summer days mean misery, sweating in cardigans that I wear to hide my fat, but which in truth only make it look worse.

All I want is to feel normal - to walk out of my flat without worrying how I look, or how hot it is outside - I want to bare my arms and feel the sea breezes cooling the suns rays - I want to walk on the beach without puffing and panting and gasping for breath, I just want to do normal things that everyone else take for granted, but which are impossible for me. But most of all I want to get rid of these feelings of resentment, I want to win this battle and stop being such a wimp. I have let my weight ruin so much of my life and I want it to stop - Now.

So, here I am back to square one. No more excuses - no more Lies. I am not going to let my weight ruin what years I have left - this time I will not allow the Bully to win - this is my time, I will enjoy this Summer, and every Summer the Lord allows me, this time I WILL WIN.

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