Ambition Drive Knowledge Faith and Belief
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
These 5 simple but needed words when running after a goal. It is like a switch clicks when you have all 5 working for you. I have attempted to get to my goal weight many times. High School, After my first child, my second, my third, after her death, after my forth child, after the divorce after the selling of the house, after surgery to get my tubes tied, after a new job, after a break up, before the wedding and now. There are times I had 1 or 2 maybe even 3 of the words going for me but never all. There was always doubt or no drive or no faith. Never have I felt I had things together before now. I feel like I am finally getting things in control not only with my eating but my life. I have never been happier. I have a god in my life, an amazing husband and wonderful kids. I finally KNOW I can and will get to goal. I have no doubt in fact. I am 10 pound from first goal 163 this is the weight I was when I got in my car accident in 2010. That accident was a curse and a blessing all together. That is when my husband and I got back together but because of the accident I wasn't able to keep up the exercise like I had and gained the weight back. Don't get me wrong I have had opportunities since to lose weight but I couldn't get the 5 words together thought all the chaos and stress of life with commuting back and forth from Auburn to Bellevue for 2 years The stress of my husband's family The wedding The moving in after the wedding the transition of all of us under one roof always STRESS STRESS STRESS which equaled CHOCOLATE or CANDY or anything to help me cope. I was coping with life with food. I no longer have to COPE. I can tell you how freeing that is. Don't get me wrong I have stress. Hello 4 kids with 2 being teenagers in High School! That says it all (: I have learned different ways to cope instead of food. I run(: when things get really stressful the shoes go on. I put the miles on my feet. I push myself and challenge myself and I don't give up I tell myself just this much longer then I will walk when I feel the ach in my legs as I am running a lot of times I end up running way past that 30 sec to walk or the sign ahead or that great song on the play list. That is when my drive kicks in. (: My eating is still a challenge. I did great on vacation and actually lost 2 pounds but I was running and walking at least 10 miles a day and went hiking as well. YEP ME the FAT GIRL. The family member that couldn't ever go on a hike because I just KNEW I couldn't do it. Guess what I did it. I climbed over and under huge rocks. The hiking was challenging for sure. We went to Red Rock. Breath taking must be its second name because WOW I loved it there and I can't wait to get back there. I cant wait to do more hiking here in Washington in fact. I have never been a hiker because .....I was the fat girl that couldn't do it but I am no longer her. She is gone. Not physically I still have pounds to lose but mentally she is doesn't have a hold on me telling me I am fat already might as well eat that cookie or the 6 cookie. Its okay I wont gain too much. The girl that looked in the mirror and said I am ugly and fat she shut up because I told her she was a liar I was beautiful that GOD made me and that I deserver to be happy and healthy. I was no longer going to listen to the voice of the fat girl that said you will always be shamu the whale. Funny thing is I wasn't that big as a child I mean I was in 12 or 14 when I was in 4th grade but look around that is normal now. and I was still a child yet I had my step dad and brother teasing me kids on the bus kids at school and family always commenting on how I was bigger. No wonder she stuck around so long to keep me down. Everyone I loved and respected told me I was fat too why wouldn't I listen? She still tries to speak at times. when I try things on and they don't look good...your still fat look at that...NOPE I am just still working at it and it takes time and I will get to goal is what I tell myself now. I have faith and belief that I will get to 155 and maybe even lower if I want. I don't really know what my true goal is because I feel like I won't know until I feel comfortable with my body. It isn't going to be about the number anymore it is about how I feel and look. Another freeing and relieving feeling. It maybe that I hit 160 even and I love the look or the feel. I don't have to be a certain number anymore. That chain is gone and I left the ball on the road on my run. I turned 37 on Monday in fact. That was the day we went to red rock and the 5 words clicked. I had thought oh no almost 40 and now bring it on because I will be healthier in my late 30's into my 40's and so on. I am empowered with believing in myself and loving myself for me.
Life is breath taking....time to take things in