Choices - Feeding Emotional Stress
Friday, January 03, 2014
After 54 days of eating healthy and staying within my calorie range, last night I binged on granola. I don't normally write confessional type blogs, but this whole binge thing was kind of interesting and I just need to reflect on it a bit.
Lately I haven't had a lot of stress in my life. But all of a sudden yesterday there were a couple of things that cropped up that could be potentially a bit of ongoing stress until they can be resolved. One is with getting my father's estate settled and the other is with my son's new business. The funny thing is -is that I know neither of these problems is really unresolvable. And neither one of them is something I can do anything to take care of. In other words they are both out of my control.
But as I crawled into bed and started to relax I just felt a huge urge to eat. At first I ate a small serving of hummus and whole wheat crackers and a cutie. Nice and healthy. Then I drank a full glass of water. And then I waited. All of my internal dialogue was all churned up. What I really wanted was something to much on. chew chew chew. I thought about carrots and a pickle, but I knew that if the hummus hadn't satisfied my craving, neither would the veggies.
So I got up and grabbed a box of granola. I don't even normally have granola in the house, but it has all the whole grains that I have been switching over to eating and eating is what I did. For 15 minutes I munched and munched. I could hear myself saying, you are going to be so angry at yourself in the morning for this. But that didn't stop me. So as I was eating and while I was stopping myself from finishing off the box - I slowly changed the dialogue. I let go of the self hate judgment and told myself - OK - get it back under control and know that it was just a poor choice. Instead of dealing with what was really bothering me, I was feeding my feelings of being stressed.
So now the challenge for me is to realize before I start the binge that what is really happening is that I am feeding the emotional stress. In the past I have been able to conquer this sort of binge attack before it gets out of control. It takes a lot of awareness at moments like this to recognize what is happening and then to have the self control to stop it before the eating starts. Well, I have been successful to stop this before and I know I will be successful again - Last night was just another chance to live and learn what works and doesn't work.