Friday, November 22, 2013
I'm not a blogger which is pretty evident from the lack of any entries. Today however was a wonderful day. I got on the scale this morning and was amazed to see 145.2 staring back at me. I literally screamed and suddenly heard my dad running downstairs to make sure I was okay. Was I okay?! I'm freakin' fantastic!
It's incredibly satisfying to see that my hard work is paying off. To give you a quick summary on my weight struggles, I graduated high school at 130 and graduated college at 160. Freshman 15? Try 30. I've been at 160 for the past year and a half, slowly giving up the hope that I could make a change.
It's very difficult to look yourself in the mirror and realize that you don't recognize the person staring back at you. I've felt like that everyday for the past 500+ days. What does that mean on a daily basis you might ask? Well, I avoid the mirror as I' m stepping into the shower. I face the wall when trying on clothes in dressing rooms, only turning to face the music when I'm fully clothed. I buy cardigans like other people buy milk because they're long-sleeved and loose- the perfect combination. I don't even think I remember what shorts look like. I engage in constant negative self-talk. CRAY.
It's a vicious cycle and I'm happy to report that I finally feel like I'm getting off the crazy train. Since recommitting to my journey these past 4 months, I've been hitting the gym at least 4x/week with an emphasis on the stairmill, spinning classes and adding in strength training DVDs at home. I haven't eaten out once. Sure, I've succumbed to some desserts but as they're my weakness, it's to be expected. My friends and family have definitely noticed which is a plus! At my current weight, even a 5lb loss is noticeable.
Sooooo, do I look in the mirror and LOVE what I see? No. Am I ready to walk out in a bikini and tell the world to screw itself because I'm beautiful flaws and all? No. But, do I take a little more time to enjoy the view when I'm about to jump into the shower or try on a size 6 (yayyyy!) dress in Target? You're darn right.
I'VE EARNED IT.
I encourage you all to do the same, whatever your size. I wasn’t able to do so 15lbs ago but certainly wish I had the courage too. Your self-worth shouldn’t be so entrenched with the number on the scale. It’s just a number. As long as you’re working towards making the number a healthy one for you, it’s enough. Loving yourself everyday in spite of the scale, that's enough.
20 to go!