Had a Rough Weekend
Monday, October 21, 2013
My hubby is currently in Texas, and the rest of us are moving back there in a couple of months. He has been visiting for a long weekend.
Because he isn't here all the time, he isn't totally familiar with my food and fitness routines.
On Friday, I had to work at my second job in the evening. On those days, I usually eat a late lunch around 2 in the afternoon, and then I eat dinner when I get home between 9:30 and 10. He didn't know this and in an effort to be sweet, he fixed dinner for me at 5:00 so I could eat before I headed to work but I was still full from my late lunch. He really got his feelings hurt that I wouldn't eat, even though I promised I would eat when I arrived home later. He got over it, but I find it very stressful when he gets his feelings hurt like that (he can be very sensitive). Also, it was upsetting to me that he wouldn't understand that I was listening to my body and not eating when I'm not hungry.
Then Saturday night he fixed dinner. Steak, green beans, mashed potatoes. He knew I wasn't going to eat the potatoes, but he usually makes really good green beans so I heaped a pile onto my plate. I took one bite and said "Why are these green beans sweet?" He said, "I put sugar in them to make them taste good." UGH. "Honey, I can't eat that, I don't eat sugar." He said "well it was just a little" and then "you really aren't going to eat them?" Really, I'm not going to eat them just to make you happy. I. DON'T. EAT. SUGAR.
I tried to explain how even a small amount of sugar is a trigger and could put me back on a cycle of carb cravings. Every once in a while I do plan for something sweet but really, I find that I am much happier without it.
I think he is feeling insecure as I approach the 100 pounds lost point (9 pounds away).
On top of all that, we are very close to the point of putting my dog Lucy to sleep. I love her so very much, and I know she is suffering. We are giving her as much pain medicine as she can tolerate to try to make her comfortable, but she can no longer walk or stand and the pain medicine isn't always enough. It is so hard to know if it is time or if she can hang on with us a little longer. I also know that despite my own grief, I will have to comfort my children who don't remember life without Lucy.
Last night i was feeling particularly down about Lucy so I decided to go for a short run. I only went out for 15 minutes, but that really helped. I am also proud of myself for using exercise instead of food as comfort.
I cooked dinner last night and will be doing so tonight, so that will really help me keep my carbs under control around my hubby. I know that I have strength now to keep on the right path even when the going gets rough.