Stressors = binge eating.
Friday, October 04, 2013
I binge ate last night.
Whenever I'm stressed or overwhelmed I turn to food and binge eat. Last night it was a combo of a few little things that made me have the 'food meltdown'....
Up until the beginning of this month my company has allowed me to take my work truck home every night, which is awesome because I live just under an hour from the office. However, due to policies and yada yada's we aren't allowed to take them home anymore unless we live 100km's from our job site. I live 120, so no dice. Instead of my usual 45 minute commute in the morning it is now 1.5hrs. And, since I now get home an hour (sometimes more) later than before the grocery store is closed (I live in a small town and we have one grocery store that closes at 8pm) so now I have to shop at the grocery store that the office is at. This grocery store turns out to be pretty terrible, there is very little selection of anything and it is literally half the size of the one I'm used to, and the prices are a lot more! So, for the time that I'm working (11 shifts on, 4 off) whenever I need some grub I'll have to go to here. Stress-er #1. Stress-er #2, I didn't pack enough food, or rather I was in a bottomless pit mood and my lunch that I packed yesterday was not fulfilling enough and I was having some pretty serious hunger pangs while shopping last night.
Stress-er #3, a silly one, but I was in a crappy mood when I got home last night, my internet was very slow and then my ipad died when I was going to track my food. So, I just said 'screw it! I'm way under on my calories allotted, I won't track tonight!' This led to me eating a lot bigger portions that I would have and eating more because I could. When I don't track my mind thinks 'I can get away with this, there's no evidence, sucker!' In the past I would never hold myself accountable for my eating and I really had no excuse for it besides that I just didn't want to. I guess I was in denial about having to do it, or having to actually watch my portions and calories.
Last night was a confirmation that I binge eat when I'm overwhelmed, and that I really do need to track my food. I've had 26 years of eating until I was uncomfortable, grazing on whatever I want without thinking about it, and having the fear of 'if I don't eat that then what if it was my last opportunity to eat that and now I will never be able to again!' I recognize all these things and know that it will take some time to work out the kinks in these behaviors and beliefs, but in time I will get it. Today I am going to track what I ate last night and put it in the past. What's that saying.. 'Fall down 7 times, get up 8.' ? I need to realize that thinking this has to be perfect in order to work is a cop out, and I am not perfect. It wasn't overnight that I perfected my current habits and it's certainly not going to happen overnight that they are reverted.
Sometimes a bad day can be really insightful, it's all in the perspective!