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Good and bad

Monday, September 30, 2013

When I want to book a meeting with my doctor I have to use some computer program that requests a Bank-ID. I managed to get through at the end of august when I wanted to make an appointment for the start of october when my medication is finished...it was not possible to book that long in advance so I sent them a message and asked to be put on the list... and after that I have not been able to get in, the rpogram has crashed every time. This morning I tried agian – the program chrashed..then I tried to switch browser from Firefox to Safari and halleluja! it worked!

Then I learned that I had a time scheduled this morning! I came in at 9 and the appointment was at 10.40 so it was great. It said that it would not be the same doctor and that got me a little depressed as I wanted to brag about my good results – AND tell him that he had done som successful work with me as I he had helped me to get motivated to help myself... so I was thinking that I would ask for his address and write him a letter... but when I came to the health centre it was him! I was happy, he was impressed, he noted my bloddpressure to 128/82, even better than last week...

We agreed to cancel the gastric bypass – that makes me a little nervous because what if I fall again and gain all that weight back?... but I am happy for the decision!. Got my prescription for new medicin for the oedema, the doctor told me that there is a possibility if I lose more weight and keep exercising, that I will be able to let go of those pills...another good motivator!

That was the good thing...the bad thing was wehn I got to my dog carer and she told me that she had decided to commit suciside. I was really in a hurry but you can´t just say "oh well, okay..." so I sat and talked with her for a while. I can´t really describe the situation, she has aspberger and ADHD, she has battled a lot of anxiety problems and alcoholism - and she had a gastric bypass some years ago. She tells me that her anxiety is gone and that is why she finally thinks she will end it. She will explain it to her daugheter and wait until the doaughter has accepted it...it´s as you understand very weird and to be honest I get sort of bored. She has called the mental care, she will probably see a psychiatrist, she thinks it will take some time before she will get the acceptance she needs... I just listened and said sort of "ooookaaayy..." (I also said that my mother was not the most perfect mother, overweight, alcoholic and depressed but I would never ever have given her the permission to leave me...)

I don´t know if it is good or bad that I reconize a lot of whatnshe is talking about. What is hard is that I feel sort of indifferent, AND maybe a little irritated, I want to say "Hey, grow up, will you, use your brain and find a meaning!"

When I got out I had gotten a very expensive parking fine... grrr. I wanted to go in again and say "look what your pityparty brought on ME!" emoticon

Now I notice that it is very hard to handle this turmoil of feelings when I don´t have food as the emergency exit.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Meddy I see things differently from some of the other SP commenters. Why because I am a person, who left without my psych meds, tend to spiral down a depression tunnel that leads to thoughts and feelings of suicide. It is a dark place to be. This woman you listened to you blessed with attention. She needed to talk. Maybe by listening to her she will be able to come to the point of seeking and accepting help.

    There is such a huge societal stigma on expressing your suicidal thought to anyone. Meddy, you were brave and considerate and gave unconditional love by listening to her. Getting the parking fine seems like on the surface that the universe is not supporting your good deed. In actuality it is yet another step in your learning process. You passed an exam of universal unconditional love. Now you are learning another lesson with the fine. It will play out in time.

    You did the right thing!

    Listening is what she needed. Yes, she also needs more help. If you were a close friend or family member you could assist her in getting this help. She may commit suicide. That is NOT your fault.

    The thing to do now is say a prayer and ask her angels to help her in the best way for her soul path. Pray, send love and release. We can't fix other people.

    This woman maybe embarrassed by her talking to you today in the future. Don't bring anything up unless she does. If she tells you I am committing suicide now, in five minutes, tomorrow, etc something specific and you know her location call the police. Call her daughter. Then pray and release. You are not to blame.

    You did the right thing. As a woman who has suicidal thoughts and feelings I know what I am saying is true for me and others I have met with this issue. If this woman asks for help give it. Otherwise release her to her highest good.

    I will pray for you Meddy. I will pray that the universe brings you the prosperity to pay the fine with ease and additional blessings too. I will pray for the woman and light a healing candle.

    Much love,
    2243 days ago
    What an awkward situation to have been put in. We can't save others from themselves. She definitely needs professional help. I am glad your health is doing so well, and if you can avoid surgery - hooray! Keep motivating yourself with dwelling on your positives - lower lower BP weight loss, improved energy, etc. emoticon
    2243 days ago
    Wow, it must have been difficult to listen to that. How discouraging to hear about a life that seems to have no meaning. I hope her daughter can help her see things differently.

    I'm glad things went well with your doctor. You've been consistent with your healthy habits and it shows.
    2243 days ago
    I for one think I understand your feelings very well, Meddy. And you have a right to your own reactions.

    I think you may reconsider letting this person take care of your dog.

    I too have a hard time imagining that a daughter would ever 'accept' her mother's choice to commit suicide.
    2243 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/30/2013 4:57:41 PM
    Hold on to the good; let go of the bad. I understand, you can't "help" people that don't want to be helped.
    2243 days ago
    Well you know it is one thing if a person is very emotional and expressing a lot of feelings and wants something from you, I can cope with that. It is much more difficult to handle when someone is cold and not showing emotions and stating facts and whatever you say they just meet with... " this is what I decided and I don´t want any help with it" And it is not somebody you know that well, I strongly object to being a person that lacks compassion... but oh well...I spent an hour talking with this lady and it felt as if I was doing no good at all. I left because I felt that my efforts to say the right things had no impact at all.
    2243 days ago
    Your response to the dog care person is shocking to say the least. I am just stunned.
    2243 days ago
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