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Lone Ranger

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Another half kilo down this week emoticon and without any last-chance-workout...

Today I am going to a choir workshop 45 minute drive from home. It was advertised as a workshop with many styles - gospel and more, I saw it in the paper and thought it might be a nice occupation on a saturday.

Then I asked my dog watcher if she liked to join, she is becoming a friend. But that is not why I asked her, I asked her because she has growing problems with anxiety, has started to abuse alcohol and her worst time are weekends when she does not have the dogs and other appointments to care for. And I know she likes music so I thought she might like to accompanie me.

This gives me just a little stress ad I realised that I have since long the habit of doing these things alone. It started in gymnasium - at 16-17 years of age when I was going out to disco, clubs or other fun stuff at weekends. The "normal" normal thing to do was to go with a friend - come together and leave together. This created some stress as it happened that one of us met somebody and wanted to stay on longer, while the other wanted to go home. I have spent many hours waiting from friends who wanted to flirt a little more before we left – as I have spent many hours stressing because I know my friend wanted to leave but I talked her int staying on.

So at one point I decided to go alone and meet the friends at the disco/club whatever. I knew they would be there, we lived in a small town and it was about the same poeple every time. I remember that the first time was horrible. I came alone, nobody had arrived yet and I sat alone at a table for a while. I felt stupid and thought that everybody was looking (which they probably were not) After som time others came too and it worked out well. And after some moths of it I never even reflected, it was natural to come alone and go home alone and very convienient to come and leav as I pleased...

So it is kind of natural for me to attend things alone - I trst that I will meet nice people at the activity and have fun. And I mostly do, it happens that others are so stuck with their own friends that they don´t seem inteterested in getting to know new people but that is rare.

So having this friend along stresses me as we go in my car. It means that I will be apprehensive about her mood, is she okay, does she want to go home? And what if I find it boring, I must stay the whole time if she wants to.

This is the kind of stress I carry. It is silly and I need to practise to let go of it and be responsible for myself and my needs. I think it might be extra hard because I did it out of pity and it is my suggestion - I will now feel responsble if it is a bad and boring workshop and I will be extra sensitive to her mood all the time.

Typical codependancy, this I will work with because it is fun and practical to have company when good things happen.

And I need to start knitting again...:
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1) Good on the loss!
    2) Very difficult (thinks me) to retain awareness / sensitivity (i.e., your friend's feelings, your own needs, etc) and not develop stress.
    3) Now EYE want a knitted bicycle, lol!
    2291 days ago
    In the 80's I started going out to eat alone, and some guy came up to my table and said, "How can you stand to go out to eat alone?" I said, "Why not? I like my company." LOL. And, all these years I have gone almost anywhere alone, except to bars. Because in this area, if a woman goes into a bar or club alone, men think she wants a little company, if you know what I mean. And, I certainly have enough trouble with the one I got.
    2296 days ago
    I wish I could give you some helpful advice, but I'm a happy loner who'd rather go just about anywhere by herself... ;)

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!! on your weight loss, Meddy!
    2296 days ago
    I"VE been accused of creating my own anxiety by OVERTHINKING things! Maybe, but it keeps me out of trouble. Smiles. emoticon
    2297 days ago
    Let us know how it turns out! I often find my worst fears are not realized, but I've already anticipated disaster and put myself through such stress.
    2297 days ago
    She will be spending time with you, so even if the meeting is bad - she will still enjoy.

    2297 days ago
  • CAMAEL100
    I agree about the leaving for home part. I too like to be able to come and go as I chose. But sometimes it is nice to share. But I think you have to remember you have no control over her mood so don't fret over that one. No one has the power to make some one else happy. That has to come from withing themselves. I think it comes from a feeling of failure if we fail to make the people around us feel good. I keep trying to let go of that one and reminding myself that it is them not me. Or else I would be in a state continuously!
    2297 days ago
    I think I would agree on what time to leave with the friend in the car on the way over there, so it's clear beforehand. And then just stick to it. I hope there may be flirting involved but you won't need to do it all night the way teens do! lol
    2297 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/24/2013 3:54:53 AM
    Nice bike!!
    2297 days ago
  • 1SALMON1
    It is easier and often more fun for me to do things and go places alone. And I too feel conflict (which is something I avoid at all costs) when I sense or suspect that the people I am with want something different than I want, & I have to comply or assert myself- both are hard in different ways and for different reasons. But it's worth the discomfort when the other people turn into friends. I hope your thoughtfulness of this other person brings a happy Saturday to both of you.
    2297 days ago
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