1,000's pounds lighter!!
Friday, August 23, 2013
I FEEL thousands of pounds lighter today. It has kicked in I am no longer a owner of my manufactured home that I bought my kids and I after my divorce. 7 years and a month ago I purchase a manufactured home. This home made me feel safe for a long time. I didn't like living there the last few years though. I actually hated it this last 2 years with gun shots all of a sudden being heard and sketchy people walking around our area. I no longer felt safe, but the house was MINE. My stability and way to provide for my kids on my own. I wasn't happy but I was doing it on my own. After my divorce I became very independent partly because I think that is what most people do but also because I had always had to do everything on my own before there was just a person there to ask and nag at to just help! Never a change result from that person and all it did was make me feel bitter and angry. Once we were divorced I didn't have him undermining with the kids. I didn't have him making bigger messes I was in change! ME ONLY!!!! We divorced Sept 30 2005 and I will say I was sad but never felt better. We were toxic unhealthy and so very unhappy. My first marriage made me the woman I am today and I have never been happier. Selling MY home though is big. It was ONLY MINE. I was in control I made all decisions and what I said went! Now I don't have a house of my own. I have moved into the condo with my husband of 2 months now. We have been together almost 4 years but it is his condo still in my head. I know we married and I live there now but it isn't mine. I feel like I have lost my independence, at least a big part of it. But that isn't all bad. I am now ONE with my best friend. I now have someone to help hold up both ends. I NO LONGER have to spread my arms out and me SHERA and do it all. I have ALWAYS been the bread winner even in my first marriage. I am no longer the bread winner. I am the peanut butter. I make things smooth. My job of 6 years is picking up and leaving in just weeks. I will no longer have a job. I will have money from unemployment but not a JOB. So many changes that have happened in the last 2 months and that are going to be happen in the next several weeks. I am excited and scared all together. It is hard letting go of the past. I feel with the weight loss this is it. This is when I get to a healthy weight and I say there. I now have support from my best friend and stability for me not just my kids. I feel greatness is going to pouring over us these next few months and I know that GOD has amazing things for my family. I believe that I will be the woman I want to be! The woman I have dreamed to be not just physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I feel that I am going to be whole again. I have struggled through the years and feel like I don't have to fight any longer. So a 1,000's of pound lighter is what I feel right now. I have never been more thankful for life! I am not just losing weight I am finding ME!!