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The key is to fake it

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I realized this today: i have nobody. I have no friends (or at least people I hang with regularly). Nobody calls me to go have a glass of wine. Nobody calls me to have play dates. Nobody calls me to go hang at the bar. Wait. Nobody calls me.

Why? This is what I ask myself.

My answer? I'm a realist. I'm not going to sugar coat everything. I have the right to disagree, it's called a great debate but it doesn't mean I feel less about someone when we debate.

But apparently everyone around me seems to think if you debate, or have a difference of opinion, you're argumentative and bitter and unhappy and must be unfriended.

Have we as adults become so self centered, we don't see outside the box of what makes us unique? Have we become so selfish that if someone disagrees with us they are banished from our world? Yes. And No.

Clearly I have things I need to work on as a person to be a better friend, get new friends, and think outside my box.

One thing I've learned from our baseball parents? Fake it. They all sit around sucking up to each other and they are held on a pedistal. Maybe I should start faking it to be wanted.........
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    Sometimes I get myself all worked up with these same thoughts. I sometimes think that I don't have any - what I consider to be - friends. Some times I fret because I think that I am the only one who calls - for drinks, play dates, meals, just hanging out. The few women I do interact with outside of working don't call me, I feel like I'm always the instigator.
    Other times I just plow on, and do the calling and inviting myself, and people genuinely seem to respond to that.
    I have , as it sounds to me you are, "abrasive" friends. I like to be around people who will challenge me, and make me think. I am not a person who shakes things up myself, but I can appreciate those who are. emoticon
    2809 days ago
    Be yourself!!! If you have to accept people for the way they are then the same goes for them as far as you are concerned. I am very particular about my friends. I do like to socialize with those I feel I am more alike with, but I don't exclude those that are different from me. I have only so much energy and time to give to family and friends. Money too. Relationships take investment. The fewer friends I have the more they have of me, and better quality at that.
    2820 days ago
    WOUBBIE: SO TRUE. I never bring up politics or religion. Lately it seems like everything is a big argument just because I don't agree with people all the time. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut and let say whatever they want. Today, we were in a meeting at work talking about UPSs and this one worker thought I was arguing with her. I understand where she's coming from and her need. I get the big picture, but I was trying to explain to her that doesn't fix the big picture of the generator not feeding her current UPS power (mind you the electrician is agreeing with me the WHOLE time). She left her office, went on her computer, defriended me from facebook and blocked me! Just because I didn't bow down to what she was saying. WOW! She's being a big baby and yet I feel bad about it!

    It just gets frustrating always agreeing and when I don't, then I'm the bag guy!
    2820 days ago
    If I'm burying my true beliefs a lot just to keep the peace I quickly find myself wondering what the heck I'm hanging around with these folks for anyway. Life's too short to waste my precious free time with them.

    I almost never bring up politics or religion, for instance, but if they do and they differ vastly from me I usually just write them off. To me it means we probably don't share fundamental values in common, and that makes relationships a real drain on energy. I won't change their opinions and they won't change mine, so what's the point?
    2820 days ago
  • GLC2009
    i don't really have local friends i can hang out with either, except my neighbor--her and i get along well and i've had her over for dinner a couple times and drinks a couple times. we have horses in common and i think she's funny.
    i do have long distance friends, so once or twice a year i get visits from them. i have a business that runs 24/7 and lots of animals, so, i don't get away much to visit them. i am always grateful when they choose to visit me.
    as far as having friends who like to debate, i wouldn't like that. but alot of people do.
    if you want friends, i'm sure you can find like minded people--either those who see the world like you do, or those who enjoy a good debate emoticon
    i don't think you want phony friends like the described baseball parents, so, don't change into a faker. one real friend is worth more than 10 phony friends.
    i like the motto 'fake it til you make it', for some things, but, not faking your personality.

    2820 days ago
    AKHEIDI: I have a filter and I definitely know when to use my filter, but sometimes I just can't bring myself to agree with some people ALL THE TIME! I swear it's all the time lately. I don't like conflict and I don't like to argue. I love everyone's opinions. Alot of times i change my opinion on something because I was educated differently through a discussion.

    I, too, am so dang busy! I'm gone from my house 16 hours a day on most days. No wonder people quit calling me to do things. In fairness, I haven't been good about calling people first. That's another thing I will work on.
    2820 days ago
    I don't fake it but I know when to keep my mouth shut. If someone is annoying, obnoxious etc. I just leave- I have friends I want to spend time with and I don't really "need" anymore-my time is limited as it is. I have acquaintances and friends- they're different. I don't suck up to anyone- I'm just me. I am kind, I am considerate, I don't have to be everyone's friend, but I do have filters- just because I'm thinking something doesn't mean I'll say it- I know a lot of people that need to learn that lesson! I'd have a drink with you emoticon
    2820 days ago
    Time to shine: THANK YOU for the kinds words and re-assurance I'm not going crazy. I see this behavior all the time. I am the person who will go out of their way to help anyone. I hold doors, pick turtles off the road so they don't get run over, I organize events for my kids, volunteer, etc.

    But lately it seems if you don't look 100% happy all the time and agree with everyone, then you're the bad guy. i just don't get it!
    2820 days ago
    Closetlibrarian: I absolutely agree with that assessment and thank you for your recommendation.

    Andrewmom: THANK YOU! I go out of my way for the people that are closest to me. I would do anything for them and know they would do anything for me, but it seems like if I don't have the same opinion as someone else, I am the bad guy. Where's the logic in that? It's ok to disagree. It's ok to have a different opinion.

    Here's another example. At work, two people think I'm mad at them because I really haven't talked to them lately. I'm swamped with work and get in trouble when I do talk to them. Also, i have NOTHING to say right now. There's nothing go on in my life and if they wanted me to know about their lives, they would tell me. but because I'm working and quiet, I have an attitude problem? WHAT? So interesting how people see things through their own eyes and don't bother seeing things through someone else's eyes. They don't know that I got some bad test results. They don't know that I have to come up with $2000. They don't know my husband's hours got cut. I haven't shared this and that's ok. I don't really have to share it, but for them to just assume I have an attitude problem or I'm upset with them is ridiculous.
    2820 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13894524
    I am the same way. I have very few friends that I see regularly. I will always be myself and if they don't like it oh well. The friends that I do see often are the same why. They have their opinions and I have mine, we love it. I could not imagine a boring dinner where everyone agreed on everything. Sorry you feel like you are the only one like this, because you are not. emoticon
    2820 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12880311
    I think it depends on the caliber of friend and the content of the argument. One of my dearest friends, for example, (whom I've known for 28 years) is deeply religious. I am not religious a all. We can discuss and disagree on theology without resorting to ad hominem attacks. We love and respect each other, so have agreed to disagree. Having said that, there are certainly instances wherein it's better just to keep your counsel. Maybe take a look at how diplomatically you're approaching your argument.
    2820 days ago
    Be yourself!!!! I have the same problem but it is just because I am me and alot of people just do not like me for some unknown reason. Just be you and they don't want to hang with you obviously they don't appreciate you for you. But that is just my opinion....
    2820 days ago
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