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Frustrating workout

Monday, August 12, 2013

The current Kaia FIT session’s theme is “Free to Be Me,” which has an emphasis on letting go of limitations and focusing on playtime for grown-ups. I love this idea, in theory.

The first week, we practiced handstands. I love this because, even though I can’t kick up to a handstand or do a free-standing one yet, I can walk up the wall and begin to move my hands closer to the wall. I didn’t think I’d be able to do this at my size, but once I let go of my doubt, I found I could do more than I assumed. So, handstands = good time! Even with my elbow tendonitis that refuses to go away!

The second week was cartwheels. I’ve never done a cartwheel in my entire life. I remember playing outside when I was a kid and trying to do cartwheels, but not being able to get it down. I was a big kid and I developed early, so once I hit 8 years old (and puberty), I just stopped doing things like that because I felt like I looked out of place. So, I was intimidated to even try doing cartwheels. I tried following the directions and using a karate pad on the floor to place my hands and hop over from foot to foot. I could tell I wasn’t doing it correctly. I couldn’t wait for that class to be over.

The next week was bridge-ups, like in a yoga class. My elbow screamed at me the entire time, but I tried anyway. I couldn’t get all the way off the ground, but I could get my shoulders up a bit. Even that was hard!

This week is somersaults. I haven’t done these since I was a kid. And I do remember being able to do them. But I also remember getting heavier and it would hurt more to do them the bigger I got. There’s a lot of pressure on your head and neck, from what I remember.

The workout started with cartwheels, hooray. And everyone in front of me, by now, can do cartwheels flawlessly and all day long. Ugh. I still had to use the pad on the floor, which made me feel inferior. Then, the coach set up a big gymnastics mat that we could tumble on to for somersaults. The goal was to basically just tumble over and stand up right away. Of course, every girl in front of me could do it easily. I freaked myself out a bit and the coach could tell, so she offered to get an exercise ball for me to help with it. I got on the ball for a second, leaned back, caught my reflection in the mirror, and said, F*&$ it! It was awful. I skipped my turn and ran through the next station that was set up. I skipped every one after that, too.

I’d rather do a thousand push-ups than have to do that again. I know that’s not the attitude to have, and I tried really hard to get out of my negative mindset this morning. It was tough. I wanted to quit and leave, but I stuck it out. But in my stubbornness, I refused to modify the bear crawls, push-ups, donkey kicks, and plank rotations. My stiff and swollen elbow is now telling me how irresponsible that was.

I don’t like feeling like I can’t do something, and I feel this way pretty often. I’m well aware of my size and my physical limitations, so when I’m faced with a workout like this, I feel like those things are highlighted. I’m not sure how to get over this obstacle, but I need to figure it out. In the meantime, I’ll keep showing up and getting the best workout I can get for me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I like doing cartwheels and back bridges (not sure if I can do them now). Can't do a headstand, but I never really tried. I really dislikes somersaults and flips (they freak me out), I always have, even as a kid.

    I am so proud of you for trying new things. Good job!
    2856 days ago
    Just as a fun fact FYI: I coached gymnastics and could still never do a cartwheel. Even WHILE I was coaching and teaching others how to do them. As for the tennis elbow, start taking care of that so it doesn't get worse! You don't wanna end up having surgery on it. Anyway, keep plugging along. It will get better.
    2862 days ago
    emoticon that sounds tough emotionally and physically! I really empathize!

    I am impressed you didn't quit. I am sorry your elbow is sore.

    I don't know what I would've done in that situation.

    I probably would've really wanted to quit...it would have been so hard. You are very determined. But you shouldn't have to do something that's not right for you. We all have limits, past injuries, things our bodies just don't do now. Maybe in the future yes or maybe not. I think we shouldn't be afraid to express that.

    It's what's right for you. What will you do in the future?

    2863 days ago
    I hate that feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh.

    Good for you, H, for finishing the rest of the workout.
    Definitely a few march-y steps in the right direction - that is an accomplishment in itself.

    2863 days ago
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    That sounds awful. If it makes you feel any better, I can't do any of that stuff either. Except the bridges. Which I could also do when I was 270 pounds. Weird, I know.

    When I was a kid, I was always overweight and the most unathletic child you've ever seen. I never learned to do cartwheels or somersaults or anything like that. Now at 28- despite being of average weight- I lack the confidence and coordination for things like that.
    2863 days ago
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