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Relationships with members of my family can be/are huge triggers for me- Part 1

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I know that it is not altogether uncommon to have difficulty getting along with family, especially parents and most especially when spending a great deal of time with them. I love my Mom and Dad dearly. However, being with them quite often triggers an unwanted emotional response based on my past history with them. This inevitably leads to an emotional upheaval, throwing my typical daily patterns out of whack (i.e.; eating, sleeping, etc.).

I moved down to Southeast Florida in August, 2002 for health reasons, and ended up staying down there until December, 2007. My health improved greatly down there, for a variety of reasons that I will not go into. I saw my parents (who are divorced and have been apart for several decades) about a half dozen times or so in my time spent there. I was sad about that, thinking that my move would mean I would only see them a handful of times before they passed. Fate had other plans in line for me (whatever the heck that means... heard it somewhere once and thought it sounded good, but I'm still not sure what it means).

I moved back to Buffalo in 2007 for a job. I was laid off in March, 2007, and was forced to take a job that was paying 1/3 less than the previous one I had. Eventually, the lost income caught up with me, and I was forced to look elsewhere for my employment. I was quite fortunate that a good friend of mine was able to find me a job with the same benefits that I had at the job I had lost. The job was also an enormous opportunity, as I had not practiced law full time for about 5 years.

Alas, the job did not work out, and I ended up finding another job (which I will not go into now).

My health began to deteriorate in 2009. Chronic migraine headaches and chronic pain in the right part of my cervical spine, which radiated down my arm and caused numbness and tingling in my hand and fingers. This began to escalate to a point that, a year and a half later, I was not able to work at all.

I ended up moving back in with Mom a short time before my neck surgery in March, 2011.

This extremely long introduction to my "problem" is to provide a context for the following statement: I never got along as well with my parents as when I lived 1,500 miles away from them.

(I will write part 2 later)...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEBIGENE
    Sometime distance is just what it takes to make things work. ... for all involved !!! It does not have to effect the love we have for each other but the distance will effect what we can do for and with them.

    Consider as much as possible about all things concerned before making decisions that effect the heart as the heart can play havoc on the mind !!!

    You are a wise person, stay positive !!!
    2822 days ago
  • FISHER011
    Being a parent, I can see both sides-not that that has helped me to make peace with all of my family. And it's true what you say that we get along better when 1000's of miles apart!
    My daughter can't live with me & I can't live with my Mom & vica-versa.
    You have gone through so much & you express everything so wisely. You have given me inspiration when coping with my parent. I can't do anything about my relationship with my father, he's gone. But you have given me a clear outlook on how to relate to Mom.
    With everything you share I learn more about giving & forgiving.
    Keep on Keeping on my friend!
    emoticon
    2823 days ago
  • TRAVELGRRL
    My daughter and I do better from 1600 miles away as well. What can you do? You can choose your friends, not your family.
    2823 days ago
  • LESLIELENORE
    I get along better with my mom from a distance, but she is having health problems, so I will be moving back in with my parents to help her. I am quite confllicted about this.
    2823 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Absence makes the hart grow fonder...or more tolerating...
    2823 days ago
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