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Maintenance sucks sometimes!

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Sunday, July 21, 2013

I've been maintaining a healthy weight range for a while now. My "goal weight" is 137, and using the Maintenance team's guidelines of +/- 3%, I've been successful. I don't always feel that way though.

Weekends are still challenging. I know I overeat, either at gatherings or just hanging w/my family or even a sugar binge one of the weekend days. I also drink more alcohol (beer or wine), which is just liquid calories. My weight has always gone up, even if it's just a pound or two. I get mad at myself about that, but I also try to forgive myself and move on. I don't dwell too long on it, and get back on track on Monday, or even strive to do better at the next meal. I just wish I had more willpower so never had to feel bad about myself! But then again, it's all a part of being human, no one's perfect, so I need to let it go and move on.

Any weight gain is also discouraging. I beat myself up about it, but then I will still continue to eat junk or snack for the day. The number hangs in my head like a hidden sin, but it's not enough motivation to make me eat better on the weekend. I get so happy when I hit 137 during the week, I feel like I really look good. But even though it's not noticeable, if/when I hit 139/141, I think I start to look fat and feel bad about myself. How crazy is that? A few pounds make me feel bad about myself? I would like to learn to let this go and base my feelings of self-worth on God's love and other less vain attributes.

So, by all outward appearances, I'm a successful maintainer. But inwardly, I often feel like a failure and discouraged. It reminds me appearances are deceiving, and when I look at another woman and wish I had what she has, I have to remember there are things she has going on in her life or head that cause her unhappiness, too. We are all the same in that regard.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Very Well Said!!
    I, too, berate myself for 1-2 pounds, instead of just being comfortable with who God made me to be!
    I have to remember, I am MORE than a number on a scale!!

    emoticon For making yourself real in this blog!
    Blessings, Anita
    2490 days ago
    CONGRATULATIONS on your maintenance success! I have to remember that the reason that I am strict with my nutrition for 80-85% of the time is so that I have the freedom to go off course on the other 15% of the time. Even then, I try to practice moderation. I like that buffer zone for the unforseen occurances that life throws my way. Too many processed carbs or too much sugar and that scale is gonna climb. I know this and don't beat myself up, but use that as a warning that it's time to reign things in again.
    2895 days ago
    Congrats to you for maintaining. You are not alone in your stinky thinking. I think that is what they call it. When you figure out how to stop it please let us all know.
    2904 days ago
    Congrats once again on making it to your goal. You're doing a great job by keeping your weight in check even when maintaining.
    2904 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13777595
    I have found the weight loss journey to be less taxing than he weight maintenance, but I also have fund that I have to continue to do the same things @ maintenance that I did to get there.
    2905 days ago
    Everybody struggles with those ups and downs. It might help to step away from the scale a little bit and only weigh in once a week. I'm been maintaining for a while now and I just use how my clothes fit and not worry about what the scale says so much.

    One of my wisest friends told me to never compare my insides to somebody else's outsides. People always seem to look good from the outside since you can't see the turmoil that's going on inside. They probably feel worse than we do.
    2909 days ago
  • -AMANDA79-
    Feel like I could've written this one! It is so silly to get hung up over such a tiny gain, but I guess it keeps us from letting it get any bigger.
    2910 days ago
  • SUNSHINE20113
    How very true!! I struggle with the same things!! Thanks for sharing such an honest blog. Maintaining can get exhausting sometimes.
    2911 days ago
    I'm coming late to this discussion, but Rosewand said exactly what I feel. If I thought I'd have to eat 'perfect' for the rest of my life I'd chuck this whole weight thing right now!! Food is an important "social occasion" at times for most of us! As long as it balances out in the end (by staying within 3 pounds of my goal weight - I know some people say 5 but for me 3 is more realistic - ie not too hard to lose!) its ok. I prefer to say on the lower side of my goal weight but that doesn't always happen.

    For me the clincher is if my skinny jeans fit comfortably!! The important thing is FEELING GOOD about yourself. Its time to convince your mind that you are FINE as long as you get back down to a good weight during the week. I doubt very seriously you are truly gaining on the weekend - you are probably consuming more carbs and sodium so experiencing water retention. Then you go back to healthy eating during the week and it goes away. Its all good!! emoticon
    2911 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12377244
    I relate to letting the scale control my self-esteem. I need to remember, above all else, that I am a daughter of the King!
    2912 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13357087
    Thank you for sharing your struggle. Maintenance is hard! I have to be aware of what I am doing every day, even if that awareness is that I'm eating too much. I am extremely grateful for the maintenance team because I know I am not alone.
    2912 days ago
    Thank you for talking so honestly about your struggles with maintenance!! I am not in Maintenance yet, but I will be soon and I know I will struggle with the same issues you do. You tell me I'm not alone and that I can do it!

    Thanks so much!!
    2913 days ago
    I have just joined the Team, having reached my goal weight of 137.

    I am so glad to read about the perspectives of other Maintainers; you comments/advice are great for a new maintainer in terms of what to expect, and what challenges I may be facing.

    So nice to have support/advice for continuing a healthy lifestyle at a healthy weight!
    2913 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    Your BMI range would allow you to weigh as much as 149. Maybe that would less of a struggle?

    The cosmetic ideal is just that- just decoration. It is pleasant but it is not central. We owe ourselves respect for our essence. I believe our problems with our self-image are pointers to this truth. emoticon
    2913 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11169568
    Great job keeping in range! We all fight those mental battles, keep it up!
    2913 days ago
    Great blog. This is what most of us experience as "maintenance": the constant need for vigilance and correcting small weight gains right away before they balloon out of control
    2913 days ago
    Wow! You are inspiration to me. I am a maintainer too! You are so right that we always want what we do not have and we if we had it, would we be happier. Linda from bean town emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2913 days ago
    It's so nice to read about someone else experiencing the same head games. I think this is the hardest part of this whole thing and I just keep trying to figure it out!
    2913 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13824544
    Maintenance is so very hard. Keep pushing.
    2913 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1047846
    You are so right ! Maintaining is the harder part of this journey, there will always be slips. But we have to avoid beating ourselves up. After all, look how much you've accomplished !
    2913 days ago
    gosh, you are singing my song here too! we all have those ups and downs for sure. It's good to look them straight on though and constantly get back under control.
    we can do this.
    Have a terrific day.
    2913 days ago
    I am the same way. If I am on the down side of my range I feel happier..and when I am up a few pounds I keep looking at the mirror and feeling fat. You are doing a great job of maintaining in your own way..even if you would like to change some of your patterns of eating. As time goes on you might be able to figure out tools to help you.
    It is nice to realize that everyone here says maintenance is work and understands your feelings.

    2913 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your maintenance struggles. I can relate. On one hand I celebrate every day that a whole lot of weight is gone, but I also stress that I'm not eating 100% the way I want to and usually I am a few pounds over what I want to be. How to address the issue -- can't just let it go or I'd gain -- without getting obsessed and detracting from my life. That is a great topic for extended discussion. As a strong group of maintainers we can figure this out!! -Marsha
    2913 days ago
    Amen. Maintenance is hard work, but it's great to have such an active, informed, and loyal support group with SP, and especially on the maintenance team.
    2913 days ago
    Maintaining isn't fun--it is HARD. Good luck--keep working and do give yourself a break!
    2913 days ago
    I like what Rosewand has to say about planning to eat more in the weekend. I'm not at maintenance yet but I expect it will be hard.
    It will be a lot harder if I beat myself up or criticize myself. I am planning to manage with the 5:2 diet, eating very lightly for one day to maintain, or two non consecutive days if I gain. I like the idea of being able to eat what I like to eat, although not everything I see, lol.
    But I am not sure how long I could persevere with a harsh internal critic on board. Usually the part of us that is being mean to us does have our best interests at heart, but the way it is communicated is not helpful. I deal with my critical part by thanking her for her concern, asking what her message is, and reassuring her that I will take care of that from now on. Maybe trying an internal dialogue with that critical self will work for you too? I do hope so!
    I saw a quote just the other day on Sparpeople, if you don't love yourself at your current weight, you won't love yourself when you are your goal weight. So true, I think.
    emoticon on your successful weight loss.
    Keep up the great work on the maintenance!
    2913 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/1/2013 6:49:42 AM
    Oh, yeah. I fret about losing too much when I get down near 160, and fret about gaining too much when i get up near 163. That's just as nuts, for my range, as your fretting.

    But the comparison? My sister found one of the SP motivational quotes a while back. It said something like, we feel inadequate because we compare our behind the scenes to other peoples' highlight reels. I see that in your blog; you're comparing your inside feelings that aren't visible from your appearance to some other women's appearance. Chances are, your appearance holds up well next to theirs and you wouldn't want their inside feelings and struggles.
    2913 days ago
    Been there. I know how you feel.
    2913 days ago
    Thanks for saying what so many of us feel! The job is not done when we get to our goal weight...we've still got lots of work to do and lots of lessons to learn. We're in this together... emoticon
    2914 days ago
    Maintenance sucks and maintenance is also incredible joy! For all of us. :D I've been using weight graphing (weightgrapher.com) to keep my emotions less in the forefront and my analytical side satisfied.
    2914 days ago
  • _LINDA
    Unfortunately weekends are the bane of most of us. Its actually the time we need to work the hardest and be the most vigilant about our lifestyle choices. Take alcohol. You know the calories and the fact it loosens your inhibitions and makes it easier to reach for the junk. Could you try eliminating that? Replace with flavored water if plain water is just too boring? Just that one little change may help you out.
    Losing on the week days and gaining on the weekends is very much like a yo yo diet, in miniature. Its hard on us mentally and physically to cope with that see sawing scale. I believe Sparks has a weekend Survival team, it might be worth your while to search it out.
    All the best with this challenging problem!!
    emoticon emoticon

    2914 days ago
    It's always been easier for me to loose weight than to keep it off.

    I am also between 137 and 140 depending on the day and feel SO much better about myself when I see 137. I also tend to overdue it on the weekends.

    I have worked very hard on that negativity! Checking in with the At Goal and Maintenance team each day keeps me focused on the positive. I have learned to focus on my accomplishments and let it go when I have a bad day or two or three...

    You are right, no one is perfect, let it go and move on.

    Thank you for sharing how you feel about maintenance and congratulations on all you have accomplished!

    2914 days ago
    Oh I KNOW what you're talking about!!! I'm struggling with maintenance too, as I think most of us do. Everyone says maintenance is harder than losing the weight and personally, for me that is so true. You're doing great. Maybe those feelings about ourselves are actually very GOOD. They help to keep us always striving to stay on track, eat healthy foods and continue on with our workouts. If we had no conscience about our 'mistakes' I think we'd just pile on the weight again. Congrats to you for your weight loss and for keeping it off. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2914 days ago
    Maintenance I think is harder than weight loss. You feel I lost the weight I can have this or that. I can partake a little bit more. It is a head game. I think outside influences don't help. Oh, you lost the weight try this. You're too skinny anyway, have a piece. It is also frightening. When we were fatter, no one would know if we had put on weight or didn't lose any weight. Well ,now they will. It is more noticeable. It definitely puts more pressure on you. You also think Can I do this and maintain this weight for life?

    Cut yourself some slack. I saw this on the activity feed one day and it really stuck with me. I watch my calories to live, I don't live to watch my calories.
    2914 days ago
    Thats so very true!! Good reminder and motivator!! emoticon emoticon
    2914 days ago
    I think you are being way. way too hard on yourself.
    Even in maintenance, it is so unrealistic to expect
    to be perfect or even near perfect. Maintenance
    is a balancing act. emoticon

    I always eat more on the weekends. I plan to eat
    more. As long as my calories average my
    maintenance levels, I am fine. Occasionally,
    I eat even more and just cut back over the next
    week or so.

    Part of being in maintenance is being able to
    enjoy our foods, to delight in eating and we
    often do that on the weekend with friends and
    family. Plan for it and enjoy! You are amazingly
    successful. Self compassion is the key to long
    term maintenance not self control. emoticon
    2924 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/21/2013 3:55:21 PM
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