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De-boarding the ShouldaCouldaWoulda Train

Thursday, July 04, 2013

I was formerly on SparkPeople as MusicalFuse. When life stopped sidetracking me, (or rather, when I stopped letting life sidetrack me) I finally logged back online to my old account. I found myself embarrassed by what I was confronted with and desperately in need of a new beginning after my little 846 day hiatus. Lol. I was so mortified by the fact that I regained 38 of the 121 pounds I had lost and one glance at my old page made this humiliation fresh. Too emotionally distraught to delete my "After" pictures, set my ticker back, and profess my so-called failure, I made the account I am posting this under now.

I decided to compare my two accounts. Lately it has come to my attention that reluctance is something we are supposed to pay attention to. My reluctance was born of fear. But seeing as F.E.A.R. stands for Face Everything And Recover (or False Evidence Appearing Real for fellow twelve-steppers), I decided to delve into my old account and see what I accomplished in three years.

The first account I made on 8/3/09. Here were the stats:

-Level 7/5,293 Points
-24 Friends
-13 Goodies
-2 Blog Entries
-29 Teams
-296 Page Views
-44 Message Board Posts
-25 Trophies
-14,185 Fitness Minutes

Underneath the name FatAshNoMore, I have somewhat comparable stats:

-Level 5/2,231 Points
-55 Friends
-12 Goodies
-3 Blog Entries
-20 Teams
-414 Page Views
-37 Message Board Posts
-11 Trophies
-645 Fitness Minutes

I know that these are all just numbers, but they can give me some perspective. I have had this account for THREE WEEKS. In many ways, I have been far more productive in the last 21 days than I ever was in the 1,095 days I was on SparkPeople the first time around. The most phenomenal difference is the fact that this time I can truly see the website for what it is- a community. (And I have my BA in Sociology with a Health minor. LOL, if that's not somewhat ironic then I don't know what is.) So what's my point?

I no longer feel the need to stamp "Eff-Up" on my forehead. I am giving myself permission to de-board the ShouldaCouldaWoulda train.

Happy Fourth! I'm about to go meet my boyfriend's extended family for the first time and offend them by declining their food. ;)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are awesome and I am so proud of you for making a fresh start! Wow! You lost 120 pounds before! That is amazing! The fact you have been so successful in the past is just proof that you can do it again! Wow! My dh says "never should on yourself" (like "never sh-- on yourself" ) and it is kind of gross but it sticks with me when I accidentally bring out that awful, dirty 6 letter s-word. emoticon I look forward to cheering you on as you make it to your goal once again! emoticon
    2858 days ago
    I understand where you're coming from with the shoulda woulda coulda!

    (and I hope that you were able to offend in the nicest way possible... It can happen!)
    2858 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9394210
    2870 days ago
    I, too am on as a different person; however, this is the second time I've had to re-start. I've accomplished more and seen myself grow for the best. Sometimes it takes a few times of falling down before you keep going.
    2870 days ago
    Congrats on coming back and refusing to look backwards anymore! That is going to be the most helpful thing! Getting involved in the Spark Community is such a motivator and inspiration. It really helps talking to others, gaining new friendships, and learning new tips and ideas. I'm so glad that you posted this blog and came back for a second go- round. You can do this!

    2870 days ago
  • LORIF18
    I'm glad you made the new account! You are a new you. You deserve a fresh start. You are no longer the girl that didn't know how to reach your goals. This time, you know what you are doing and know that you CAN do it. I wish I would have created a new account for myself when I started over this time.

    2871 days ago
    I really enjoyed your blog today. I signed onto my old account after a year and my biggest thing was that all my friends lost weight and I gained my weight back. I cancelled my old account and started a fresh one.

    I think for you this means you are certainly ready to do this!

    I hope you enjoy meeting the extended family and decline the food! Good for you for already having that mindset! I am glad you don't feel like you have to eat all the food to please them!

    Have fun! emoticon
    2871 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12765175
    Dont look back, keep going!
    I lost 60ish lbs in 2006 & it slowly came back till i was the same as when i started 6 years ago. it was more damaging to look back than to push forward.now i am 20lbs heavier than what i was but, i can do way more fitness wise, am stronger & actually LOOK thinner!

    2871 days ago
    yay i am not alone. I went through the same thing though I wish I had lost the amount of weight you did lol. I got involved with a relationship and everything stopped from there and now I am trying to get back on track .
    Happy 4th , enjoy your thursday emoticon
    2871 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12521540
    I am with you. This is my fourth go-round with SP. I joined in 2007 as Beauty711, when from 340 to 240 in six months- while semi being interactive. 6 years later, I came back as Diva711 at 355. I have lost 36 pounds in two months, but I have gained a new perspective on the community and resources we have on SP. Ironically, I have a certification in Athletic training and many license in the beauty industry. But enjoy your holiday. You are doing great. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2871 days ago
    I enjoyed reading this blog. It's awesome to make a fresh start and stop kicking your own ass for dropping the ball.
    Like I did too:)
    Loved your last comment about offending by declining food. I did that recently too. It's amazing how ticked off some people can actually get over it...even though I know it was kind of a joke you posted. emoticon
    2871 days ago
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