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77 good news, bad feelings?

Monday, June 24, 2013

So today is my official weigh in day. I have left the 2's and found my way back into onederland (as I've heard it called). Weight loss for the month was 8 lbs. Yippee! That feels good. Total down 24.8 - ALMOST 25!!! Which feels good too!

I was not 100% successful with my goals - logging in daily - missed 2 days
blogging daily - I know I didn't - not sure how many I missed maybe 5?
8,000 steps a day? Missed about 4 or 5 days on that one.

I need to keep better track of keeping track! I post my goals on my tracker under other things I track - and then - I don't track them. I do in my head - but I forget to go in and check those boxes daily. Part of me is like - ugh, one MORE thing to do. I don't wanna. Then there is that little voice that says if it was important enough to set the goal how will you know if you met it or not if you don't track it? Then there is that little louder voice that says because I KNOW! Sooooooo - this month I am going to be more vigilant about tracking my goals. So there loud voice!

On another note - while trying to make up for my less than wonderful eating choices Saturday I walked on my treadmill - 3 miles at 4 with a 2 incline. Sunday, my knee was really hurting. Sooooo, at 11am I took off my fitbit and went to the beach with a friend.

It was really hot in town (90+ and humid) so the beach was a perfect place to be - nice cool breeze off the water. We staked out our spot on the shore and both read our books for a couple hours. No talking, not many people - just me and the characters in the book. It was a welcome get away! Afterwards we sat and talked for an hour and then headed home. Put Mr Fitbit back on - but my steps for the day were not even close to 10,000. Felt a little bad that I didn't meet my goal for the day, but my knee appreciated the rest.

So it's hot. 90's again today. Humid again - but there is a slight, slight breeze once in a while. I hate to walk when it is hot. I sweat. I get flushed. I sweat more. But I pushed myself to get out there.

Started walking, knee said "owie! I liked the beach better!". Voice in my head agreed. But the little voice in my heart won the battle ... I looked for wildflowers - but there weren't many. A few scattered daisies - big ones, tiny ones, yellow ones....

I kept walking... geez, maybe this is what hell is like. Then I spied these purple flowers - a whole field of them - with buzzing bees..... Nah, can't be hell. I'm sure there are no wildflowers there.

Then I looked for my prince charming where the bull frogs hang out... but even the frogs were hiding from the heat. No prince for me today, but there were these prickly things.....

I kept walking - over a half mile in.... Yippee! Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I walked past the little stream

Keep going, through the cattails, the swampy area, across back to the paved path ---- and then I spied them ---- three deer. Two adults and a spotted fawn. They were too quick for me to get my phone/camera out of my pocket, but brought a smile to my face.

OK, so once again the walked trumped eating in the lunchroom, even if it was hotter than Hades.

But my knee is complaining a bit again. So not going to do any fast walking tonight. It will be a slow pace for me today. I hate that. I am so impatient. I want to walk fast! Positive thing - even a slow walk will produce sweat tonight!

Here's the honesty part - today I am just not feeling it. Funny, but you would think with weighing in and having a good result for the month I would be ready to take on a mountain today! Instead, I have that eeeeh I don't care attitude.

I do care. Inside I know I care. In my heart I care - but my head says - nah, take it easy, eat what you want. Healthy eating sucks. Order pizza tonight. Don't grill - it's too hot. Put your feet up, don't walk, it's too hot. Today is a self inflicted struggle!!!

I know this will pass. So, negative talk in my head get movin already, it's time for you to go! I really want to be healthier. I want to be able to walk without knee pain. I want to look better in my bathing suit on the beach. I do like some healthy food (still fighting that one). So, working hard to quiet that loud voice and listen to the whisper in my heart but damn it's a chore today!!! Someone light the sparklers so I can find my way in the dark, ok?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sometimes if you give yourself a new challenge it helps to keep you focused. Could you focus on making favorite "bad" foods in a healthy way? Revamping recipes? Something like that? It seems you've already been challenging yourself well with the exercise.
    2917 days ago
  • FISHER011
    Congrats on the weight loss & for being in onederland! emoticon
    2917 days ago
    emoticon emoticon on coming to ONEderland! Doesn't it feel great?

    The other 'missed' goals still show progress. Soon you will have it all together.

    2917 days ago

    I am so glad to be on this journey with you .. beside you .. reading about the changes going on in your head.. Knowing those same thoughts are in someone else's head makes me feel not so crazy :) knowing how brave and hard it is to overcome those thoughts.. Knowing you are going places and I am going to be here with you to celebrate.. Congrats on ONDERLAND !!! But really Congrats on talking yourself into doing things that you know are better choices for you . for not ordering pizza... or taking care of you .. If you don't do it .. nobody else will...

    love ,
    2918 days ago
    Great weight loss and welcome back to Onederland.
    2918 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13654686
    Man - did you catch the week I had last week? Was it contagious? I'll try not to sneeze in your direction next time - I promise!

    I hurt my knee and it has been a slow heal. Just when I think I am doing good - I go up stairs and it complains. The best thing I have done is bought a knee brace. I could wear it when I go out and about - but it really alters the way you walk and I find I strain other things to compensate - not much fun there.

    Instead - I make sure to wear it each night - and I am amazed at how much of a difference it has made. Right now - I need to kick my attitude problem (I'm giving new meaning to dragging . . .) and get downstairs and start doing some exercises to strengthen the muscles around my knee - to make it stronger.

    Hope you feel better soon - and CONGRATULATIONS on all you have achieved - that is AWESOME!

    2918 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13838073
    You are AMAZING, Barb! Eight pounds in a month...GREAT JOB. But most impressive...YOU ARE CHANGING YOUR SELF!!! That's a near impossibility for most people! And you ARE DOING IT!! Everyday, you grow. Every day you listen the sane voice and so successfully tell the crazy one to bug off!
    I can't imagine doing this without your example and inspiration, Lady! So grateful to know you and have you walk this road with me! What a gift you are, Barb!! What a gift!

    love love love
    2918 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1610124
    Congrats on the weight lost. The pictures are all so pretty. What a lovely walk.
    2918 days ago
    You may not feel it, but you DO it! emoticon
    2918 days ago
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