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Thursday, June 20, 2013

I did it again..I am such a super slacker and I mean I am good at it. I hit the scale at 291 as of yesterday which offically makes me the largest I have ever been. I feel every bit of it. I could have met this disappointment with more self-loathing but instead I prayed about it and got some perspective. truth is for me its about getting to the place of acceptance and contentment; I need to be okay with loving me no matter what my size. I haven't ever done that. See, me loving myself has always been contingent on whether or not I met my weight goal. I could never see the future me being a happy fat person 'she' is always skinny and everyone loves 'her' for it. Im not saying the future me isn't smaller size however, I am saying that, A: I will always no matter what size I am, strive to be fit and healthy and B: I am making it a priority to love myself regardless of the numbers on the scale because that is mandatory.
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    I really understand your feelings. I remember a time about 20 years ago after RE-gaining a 100 plus pounds. I was feeling pretty low about it I and made a similar comment, "I must accept who I am" despite of my size or any other self-perceived flaw in my person. I HAD to accept myself to be happy.

    Being heavy is not easy in more ways than one and one of those ways happens to be in our mind. Personal peace starts with acceptance. I lived 20 more years of acceptance in a fat body before I got motivated to lose weight again.

    This time it took a revelation of the negative example I had set for my (now grown) children, who incidentally followed in my fat footsteps. OMG!, I thought, what have I done? By not being mature enough to take control of my weight, easy or hard, I had led my children to believe it was their destiny to be fat . . . that we had 'special' issues, we were just big boned, had a poor metabolism, etc. I was also beginning to become lethargic, experiencing pain in my hips and just feeling bad all the time. So, once again I set my sail and embarked on another attempt to take control of my weight --- happily, I did it!

    This time, I pray, will be different than all those weight loss efforts of the past. This time I PLAN to MAINTAIN! I do not want to do this again!!!!

    I hope your take on my 'abbreviated' story is that acceptance is important and necessary no matter what size you are--you are a beautiful creation! To be the best you can be is to love yourself first! After that, you can work on the rest. That doesn't mean perfection, but it means forgiving yourself when you just can't get it right.

    I also know that self improvement and the rewards of getting your weight under control is also very gratifying. Even more than before, now that I have lost the weight, I feel more like the real me than ever. I have regrets and still struggle with control issues and self acceptance, but am SO happy I am where I am now.

    I am rootin' for ya!
    2913 days ago
    Oh I know I struggle with not loving myself first, like feeling I'm such a horrible loser for all the awful things that have happened. It's so hard to remember I have a better future ahead as a Child of the Most High and the blessings we're to look forward to.

    2913 days ago
    emoticon girl... emoticon
    2913 days ago
    That's a great revelation to begin with! emoticon
    2916 days ago
  • 3016DEBRA
    I agree - healthy & fit is the ultimate goal + loving yourself in spite of other peoples opinions & the number on the scale. Stay positive & you can achieve anything! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2916 days ago
    You are right. Actually I think it's a circle, someone who is caught in negative emotions and self-loathing can't spend the time and energy to look after themselves and therefore achieve the goals that will make them love themselves enough to treat themselves right.
    Start with loving yourself and maybe the rest will follow. Good luck!
    2917 days ago
    Good attitude
    2917 days ago
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