The Hot Dog Saga
Friday, May 31, 2013
A letter I wrote to Ben this morning.
It happened. I’m officially insane.
I woke up craving a hot dog for breakfast. Hot, juicy – with plenty of ketchup and mustard.
“YES!” said my hormonally-charged-pregnant-br
“No, that’s silly.” Said my normal me. “You don’t have time to sit down and eat a hot dog. Just make your regular bagel and you’ll be fine.”
That’s when I decided that it was a great time to treat the cat with her flea and tick medicine. Heh. That went well. I managed to squeeze a 3rd of the dropper onto her neck before she streaked out of the kitchen like a demon. (She lurked behind the couch for the rest of the morning – only showing herself to give me death looks.)
I got out to the car and on the road when that whole hot dog idea hit me again. And it wasn’t like I was thinking about a regular old hot dog that you take bursting with black streaks off the grill on memorial day or the Fourth of July – this was Plato’s universal hot dog from the meta-verse of ideals. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
The normal me thought the situation might amuse my mom – so I left her message, laughing about how I might have to stop at 7/11 for a hot dog before heading into work. As soon as I said it, pregnant-me began to take over. “You’ve got time. You could a hotdog.”
“No. This is stupid. You have a bagel.”
“butiwannafreaking HOT DOG.”
“Okay maybe. If we have time.”
“OOOohhh…I’m insane, I’minsanei’msinsanei’minsane” I chanted to myself as I sped past my regular exit in-route to a WAWA.
Would you believe it….after all that…THEY DIDN’T HAVE ANY HOT DOGS!!!”
Because no one in their right mind wants a hot dog for breakfast. Stupid, freaking, NON-convenience store. If I had had more time, I would have gone all pregnant-lady on them and requested one. But I didn’t have time – so I’m trying to imagine the taste of hot dog every time I bite into my bagel.
I love you. You’re in for a wild ride the next couple of months – you are a brave man and I don’t envy you. But I do love you a lot.
Have a good day.