Dealing with worry
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Antoher wet blanket over my life has been my dealings with the tax authorities that started last summer, It has been days and weeks with nothing and I have started to calm down and then - WHAM! another inquiry or message that has stirred all my panic and despair, thrown me into suicidal mode and overall gave me a hopeless future...
In the middle of april - after months of nothing - I got a letter with "suggestions" for a verdict - none in my favor. Threw me into despair and crying and a lot of stress. My face excema got worse, bingeing got worse... I had until tenth of may to answer and when I wrote my arguments I had that hopeless feeling that nobody would listen - and then in some sudden insight I realised "Ok then I will get their decision, I will somehow find the money to pay it as I have always done and I will go on with my life.
Yesterday I got that feared envelope - decided not to open it as I was going to rehearsal and did not want to be a hysterical wreck - but it was in the back of my mind and red spots occured under my eye... had forgotten about it last night, remembered this morning, took a deep breath and opened it.... and if you think this is a sunshine story you are wrong - they had not bothered at all about my arguments, yes! I am BITTER! and they have decided that I should pay a lot of money.
But the thing is tha my worry disappears at once. I realise that the money I got for the lecture last week (that was supposed to be a contribution to the ne heating I have to install in my houwe) together with scraping my accounts, will make me able to pay them. And I will pay them and move on. I will not bother to try to appeal, I will just be very very clever when I make my declaration for 2012 (this was 2011) and make sure everything is 100 procent correct.
It is all very unfair and I hereby declare that my solidarity with the state is for the moment nonexistent - if I am given the chance to hide some money for them I will - because they really punished me for nothing this time!
And now I am going to a performance with the theatre...todelooo!