Must.. keep... trying!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I tell ya, this is getting to be re-gosh-darn-diculous! I can NOT stay motivated. I never ever, ever had the feeling of just WANTING TO EAT JUST TO EAT.. and yesterday at work I was like a tyrannosaurus rex at a buffet line! If it was there.. I ate it! must be getting depressed or something. Regardless, it made me stop and think.. Really.. it did, because I had never had a day where I stood there shoving food in my fat face like i was on the train tracks and the train just kept coming and coming and i'm like.. "nope.. can't move to live, need to shove food in my fat face"..
I hate making goals. I envy the goal oriented. Goals to me are a sign.. a sign saying.. Hey look at me, you'll never get me so stop trying!, and I've come to realize (through the help of my loving and supportive wife who deserves better) that it's really my outlook on ALL things that is making this harder for me... I have such a poor attitude and it's getting worse. I see GOALS as setting up to fail. When I should see it as Ok, I can, and will do this. Trying to self diagnose when this all started in the hopes of fixing it from continuing because I realize that exercise and nutrition WILL make me feel, better because of all the benefits that come along with a healthy life style.
I have been Smoke Free since January, and I'm super stoked about that. I am a habit person though. I need to find a way to make exercise a habit. I need to WANT to do it. I need to be addicted to it for my personality is highly compatible with addiction, be it for good or bad that's just what I realize about my self in these 34 years. I have done little exercises in the morning for the past 2 days..I am going to MAKE a goal.. to exercise or do SOMETHING involving breathing heavy each morning until Friday. so for he next two days. If I can achieve that.. I'll set another goal.. trying for the weekends, which is going to be hard because I party on the weekends. we'll see. i'm hopeful.. but realistically it's going to be hard.