Showering Lilies accountability blog week 5

Well it week 5, and I have been bobbing around 240 lbs for the last couple weeks. I am not even trying to lose weight or watch what I eat. I log everything to the best estimate of what I have eaten and I hate the number at the end of every day. You would think it would make me have a light bulb moment, but no, it just makes me want to not log my food anymore. I want to lose weight and I want to look super sexy and feel good about myself, but apparently the desire to eat a ton of junky food is way more overpowering. I have officially canceled my gym membership because we just weren't using it, and I have a ton of work out DVDs at home I can do and spring is here and I can do more activities outside. Having said all that, there is as you can see nothing stopping me from getting up and working out! So why don't I......I just don't know, I would rather just sit in my chair and computer surf allllll dayyyyyy. I know I have a huge problem with this, and I am not even being productive, just window shopping basically. My house is clean, my kids are fed, my new job is going well, but I lack the fire I had going into this challenge to work on me. I want it back, and I know all it takes is for me to get up and do some exercise and log my minutes and watch my calories for a few days and feel good about doing good. I hate feeling deprived, and even though when I do good on calories I can still eat what ever I want, just a little of it, I just can't get the whole thought of how much I want the whole pie and not just a piece. I am not being healthy and I am going to regret it if I don't get it under control. I technically have 4 weeks left of this challenge, and I know if I step up and do what I am supposed to I will reach my goal, So with that I will only have a little cake tonight and get my workout in, and log my fitness and do it again and again each day. ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!