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A Foray into the Mystical World of Underwear

Friday, March 22, 2013

I remember back when I was younger and Queen Victoria's actual underwear--her very own private bloomers---reportedly went on sale. Now I was young and I wore little gossamer things so I could smirk at the late Queen who has since become so beloved to me.

I have been buying my underwear in the Fat Lady's Stores for over twenty years. Underwear that does not look much different from Victorias. But lately all of those sizes--11's, 12's, 10's have been lolling around on my flesh. Will they stay up? I have not worn a skirt in a while because I am afraid that my underpants will migrate down my legs.

Then I had an idea: buy new underwear. I'm frugal so it seemed like an earthshattering idea. I went to a Large Department Store and headed for the Fat Ladies Department. But the only underwear they had was in sizes that fall down to my knees.

Feeling like a hostile spy, I covertly and stealthily walked a few yards and entered--"Ladie's Underwear". I purchased 3 pairs of underpants in a size 8. I looked surreptitious as I did so, feeling as if I had violated a terrain where I had no passport.

This morning I awake. I contemplate putting on the new underwear and I am reluctant. I can see the seams ripping and rending as I try to pull them up my thighs. I can imagine them just POPPING off and, missile like, landing across the room.

I wear them without event. At night I get undressed. I am persuaded that deep elastic marks will be cut into my legs and stomach. They come off smoothly and easily and there are no marks on my stomach or thighs aside from the usual scattering of cat scratches which I always sport.

Lesson learned: I don't always need to buy the largest size around and I can wear a size 8 underpant (not to be confused with a size 8 dress) without destroying it!

Victory! And may I hope to approach a size 7 one of these years!!

PS: After wearing underwear that fits, I may have to invest in some more. It's a pleasure to wear underclothing that I don't need to tug upwards all the time! And yes! They are in colors! It's marvelous to see how much pleasure this small victory has provided me.
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