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Bad Day Bad Choices

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Hubby and I got in an argument last night...in which he ended up ignoring me, as usual. I got pissed off and stormed out of the house at 3 am and went straight for the gas station to buy some cigs. I was doing good and hadnt smoked since Feb 12 but every time I try to quit he always has to do something to upset me and then cigs are the first place I turn to calm my nerves. So I ended up smoking two of them but I still didnt feel good enough to go back home.

I sat in my van in an empty parking lot staring at the pouring rain for 2 hours contemplating what I should do with myself. At 5 am I decided to go through the drive through and get myself a "treat". Anyway, I "deserved" it. I bought 2 egg mcmuffins and scuffed them down within a couple of minutes. But no that wasnt enough. Then I went across the parking lot and bought myself a pack of timbits (small donuts) and ate them all one after the other. After I had finished enjoying/punishing myself I felt that I was ready to go back.

I passed out on the couch around 5:30 and had to be up to take the kids to their activities at 8. After returning back home again I went back to bed and slept for most of the day, meanwhile still not speaking to my husband. Upon waking up all I wanted to eat was chocolate. So I searched the house and found some of the kids easter chocolate and had some of that until dinner.

We were invites to a friends house for dinner and although I felt like crap and didnt want to go, I dragged myself up and went. We had salad and chicken and rice...not too bad, except that I filled my plate up with the serving size I would have normally eaten a few months ago and ate until I was stuffed. Even though I already felt uncomfortable I didnt refuse when I was served dessert; brownies and vanilla ice cream.

I was feeling so crappy today that I didnt want to log anything or even continue on spark. I had done so good so far and now I had just messed everything up because of an argument. And in the end, its not like Im punishing him....I am the only one being punished in this. I ended up eating almost 3000 calories today. And now I see just how much I was used to eating before I started this change.

I am writing this blog in hopes of looking at it tomorrow and learning from my mistakes. I don't want to feel like this again. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Sigh...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD13420615
    As somebody I respect once said "What you allow, is what will continue".
    You will get through this and grow stronger.
    Hang in there. Tomorrow will be a new day.
    Dave emoticon
    3028 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12568371
    emoticon emoticon emoticon :::nods::: kinda our *old* patterns to use sickerettes & food for comfort, anger, rebellion, mad, sad, glad.... takes practice to change that! so get up, dust off and more practice! the crash, bang & booms will get to be fewer, less often and less bad if you keep practicing!

    and once we do a crash bang boom, our bodies & tummies & brains start doing the yippee skippee dancing & whooping for more... you might have to tell them to knock it off... and *release* the sickerettes and extra foods again...

    and explore new2u, good4u things to do instead that help you, pamper you, make you feel better... (instead of hurt you, cuz u are as precious and as important as your kidlets and it's ok to take care of yourself... after they crash, how do you help them feel better? do that for you sweetie, you're worth it too :)

    but emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3028 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/3/2013 12:47:53 PM
    It is frustrating to have a bad day and eat too much! I can relate. Sorry about the smoking. I know how hard that habit is to quit!! It took me many years to finally stop. You can look back at this bad day and learn from it. Don't let someone else ruin your day!! Leave the room before the argument or just tell them you want to talk about it later when you have both cooled down. I have said things when I was mad that I regretted later. I don't like to be pushed in a corner. I fight back. Thankfully you learned from this bad day and you can now move on with your healthy lifestyle. One misstep is just that. One! Hope you have a better day today! Maybe some exercise would help work off the frustration!! emoticon Angie
    3029 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8830405
    Being able to see the difference between then and now is a big deal and a beneficial lesson. I t was one day. No biggie. As long as you get back to it.
    3029 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13339155
    Right on PYNETREE! We can't control what other people say or do, BUT we can control OUR reactions to them!

    Remember the other person isn't punished because WE binge, lose sleep, starting a habit that we are trying to break, etc. NOPE not at all. Other person feels physically good, got enough sleep and still smoke free. Who lost out on that choice to act out?

    Speaking from experience, been there done that...no more. I found I can only be responsible for me and if someone else doesn't do right...well they will have to deal with that. I have a plan of action, and it doesn't include acting out against myself when someone makes me bad.

    Hang in there, Thanks for for HONESTY and posting this situation. I admire you for doing it. This is a good reminder for me. This too shall pass.....NEXT.

    Have a better day today emoticon
    3029 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/3/2013 8:58:03 AM
    Everyone has days like this. And have caved in, filled up on crap, and the only one punished is YOU !
    So now remember the feeling! The sick way you feel, the failure...and you won't be as likely to go there again.

    You are stronger than this...look how well you are doing! Now get out there and SPARKle! You are a Winner. emoticon
    3029 days ago
    ~just being aware of 'comfortable', full' and stuffed is huge.
    ~ recognizing the difference between what you used to eat and how you have been eating recently also huge.
    ~adding to your coping strategy toolbox- definitely something for your to do list
    ~fighting with you partner- no reason to scrap all the progress you have made

    pick yourself up, learn from what happened and emoticon
    3029 days ago
    Every day is a new beginning. Work with that. You can do it!
    3029 days ago
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