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Ready for a Restart?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My foot isn't healed.
I don't think it ever will be.

My weight likes to fluctuate the same 30 pounds.
It's better than gaining 100.

So what do I do now?

Best thing I can think to do is start over. Again.

I wish I could stop feeling like a failure, but it's better than giving up completely.

Will be weighing in on Monday (going away this weekend).
Will begin measuring everything once again.

The first 2 weeks are just logging what I'm doing. Then reassess and start cutting back.
And start adding in some exercise, even if it's just yoga for now.
I miss ST.
I miss feeling strong.
I already have plans to join the gym again once my paychecks kick in so I can get my muscles back.
It's the least I can do.
I don't like being squishy.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So sorry you foot is not better. No great words of wisdom here either. Just know you have a support system here and and vent anytime. Take care do what of can, and enjoy your weekend away!

    3003 days ago
    You sound INCREDIBLY frustrated.... beyond frustrated. It's good to regroup. Don't focus on what you can't do, but what you can do. What positive things are you doing... not just physically, but mentally. Give yourself a mental pep talk everyday. Every time the negative thoughts come at you, give yourself that mental pep talk. Instead of saying, "I'm fat" say "I'm strong and I'm beautiful." Because you are strong and you are beautiful and you are smart. Regroup. You can do this.
    3003 days ago
    "really I'm just pissed and sad and feeling really depressed. I'm having to accept the fact that I may now have to live the rest of my life as a disabled person. "
    * emoticon emoticon
    3003 days ago
    My PF lasted 18 months at it's worst and still bothers me from time to time. It is not unusual...but it doesn't mean it will be there forever. And restarts can be great. I have made nearly 40 lbs of progress since October 9th (essentially got rid of my backslide and feel BETTER about myself then I did last time I was this weight). You can do it Esther. You have the support and you know how...
    3004 days ago
  • ERIN1128
    Hang in there sweetie! I'm so sorry you're feeling down, but we're all here for you.
    3004 days ago
    Keep up the fight girl! I know it sucks, I have no words of wisdom you don't already know. I trust you're doing all you can with docs and switching if you feel they're failing you. Focus on the exercise you CAN do and not what you can't. That's the only thing helping me through my injury. Doesn't make it any mentally easier.
    3004 days ago
    I wish I could say that I'm happy about any of this...but really I'm just pissed and sad and feeling really depressed. I'm having to accept the fact that I may now have to live the rest of my life as a disabled person. And I don't know whether or not this would have happened if I hadn't tried so hard and pushed myself so hard to live healthy and exercise. I went from dreams of a half marathon to wishing I could just walk down my hall in the morning without wanting to just give up and crawl. I wish I wasn't sad. I wish I could find a way to push past it...but lately I'm just doing it begrudgingly. Because I'm fat. And I don't want to be fat. And I'll probably always be fat, but if I try then I can say it's not my fault that I'm fat.
    3004 days ago
  • SUGIRL06
    I'm sorry for all the things you miss doing but I am glad you are still fighting! I have been considering measuring and counting calories again. Despite eating Paleo almost all of the time now, I don't see any improvements in my body. I went up in jeans sizes. Boo! But then, I'm supposed to fuel when I'm lifting (which I'm doing now) so what to do? Good luck with your new plan! And you can do wonders with yoga - it will make you strong, it can burn calories, and it will hopefully give your foot a break!!
    3004 days ago
  • CDCSMITH2013
    It sounds like a good plan. Start in slow, get back as much as you can. Every step you make in a positive direction, counts as a win.
    3004 days ago
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