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Who Knew Laundry Could Be EMOTIONAL?!?!?!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I'm pretty sure that today is the first day that I have ever cried over laundry.

It has been a long slow road with my weight loss. It has taken me a long time to lose the 45lbs I have lost so far. Certainly well below the 2lbs a week standard. I've struggled. I've failed. I've succeeded. But I haven't given up- so I know I'm still winning.

As a mother its almost required that you sit down and go through your children's clothing every few months. Donating the too small dresses. Pulling out the jeans with ripped knees and deciding how many pairs of "play jeans" are really needed.

But my clothes were all mixed in. As I was separating our clothes I realized how many XL shirts and how many size 18 pants are still in my closet. I don't wear most of it. But I didn't want to throw it out. What if I don't lose any more weight? What if I get pregnant? Each item of clothing was a small battle. "But this shirt..." and "I might wear this to..."

I realized it was so hard because I'm scared. People think that this whole journey is just eating less cookies, and sure, a large part of it is. Yet, so much of it has been emotional too. I feel like I have taken timid little baby steps. I went down to the YMCA and got a membership to help motivate me. But as I sat on the floor with my laundry baskets surrounding me I realized it was time to choose.

I don't want to donate the clothes because they give me an easy way out. If I regain the weight nothing would happen. The number would go up on the scale. I would go to the back of the closet and start wearing the old clothes again. Nothing else would happen. If I throw the clothes out and gain weight I have to go back to the store. I have to look for plus sizes again. I have to dig into my purse and shell out money because I regained the weight.

I worked hard to fit into those size 12 jeans. So I'm going to keep the 14's for comfort. But the rest has to go. I'm moving forward. I don't want to go back. I'm scared out of my mind. But I have to believe that it will get easier. I can do it!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Reading this, I was reminded of my own battle with this. I am frugal....I mean really frugal, and I was really afraid to clear out too much stuff from the closet but finally figured I had to move forward and having one size to fall back on if I gained some wt was enough of a possible crutch....No...I wouldn't go back there! No I have even gotten rid of those next size up things...I can't rely on that easy out.

    Congrats on coming so very far!
    2555 days ago
    Great job on letting it go. I guess it's like part of ourselves that we somehow want to lose but really feel like we're losing a part of ourselves. But you realized during this process that you've gained a newer, healthiers and slimmer you and you don't want to revisit that ole girl anymore. So keep striving and keep those items you kept as a reminder that this is NOT ever going to be me again. You can do it!!!
    2561 days ago
    Thanks for all the encouragement. Most of all those clothes I used to wear are in the trash or in bags to go to the thrift store in the morning. I decided to keep two pair of pants and a sweater. But the rest of it is just giving me an excuse to be lazy and be stagnant. I need to push if I want to reach 145lbs. I think this is the hardest part. Growing happier with my appearance and forgetting why I want to lose weight. To be healthier. To be a good influence. To have another child. I didn't do it just to have an hour glass figure again AS NICE AS IT IS!!! :-) Gotta keep my goals in mind.
    2562 days ago
    Frustration runs ramped until that point is understood -- a healthy lifestyle is more than losing weight. It was more than food but a headset that brought us to this point. Be brave and be strong. There's a lot of discussion about the holding on to 'fat' clothing, and I understand what you are saying but it depends on you. I have kept my fat clothing only now they are boxed up with a date on them...there will be a point on this journey when I will get rid of them but now I use them as incentive. When I don't think I can do any more I look at them and remind myself just how far I have come. Do what works for you. emoticon
    2562 days ago
    emoticon I just recently gave away a bunch of nice size 16 and 18 clothes to a good friend of mine. She was glad to have them and I was glad to be rid of them. Now the 14's are loosening up, too! Great blog. emoticon
    2562 days ago
    Good job. Once the weight is gone, it's GONE. NO going back . . . right!?! Hurray for you and your 45 lbs. kicked to the curb to be swept away like so much garbage! hUGS
    2562 days ago
    Good choice. Be positive that you'll be back on the road to weight loss the first time you have to put those 14s back on. I'm excited to be back in 12s and I've finally gotten rid of my 16s and 14s and actually bought 3 pair of 10s for summer because that is where I plan to be. Good luck and keep up the good work, weight loss needs to be slow and sure.
    2562 days ago
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    WOW! I think you hit the nail on the head! SO many of us have those many sizes in our closets, I know I do :O You have done an AMAZING job emoticon emoticon Keep up the GREAT work and think about all the room you have in your closet for smaller clothes : )
    2562 days ago
    Yes, the weight loss journey is quite emotional, but realize the where you came from with that 45-pound weight loss! You're amazing! Don't be scare about gaining the weight back! Don't live in fear! Keep pushing forward! You can do it! You have done it! So, keep doing it, because you're worth the continual effort you put forth!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2562 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4382497
    emoticon on your weight loss thus far.
    Wishing you continued success towards your goals. emoticon
    2562 days ago
    Congratulations on losing 45 pounds. I am glad you decided to donate or give away the size 18 clothes. You should keep one pair of pants, so when you are down on yourself about not losing or sticking to your eating plan, you can put them on and see how far you have come.

    I agree, keeping all the clothes you use to wear is a safety net. But also, by letting go of those old clothes, you make room for your new clothes, your healthy eating lifestyle and when you do put on a few pounds, you work on it instead of conveniently reaching in the back of the closet for a larger size.
    2562 days ago
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