Who Knew Laundry Could Be EMOTIONAL?!?!?!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I'm pretty sure that today is the first day that I have ever cried over laundry.
It has been a long slow road with my weight loss. It has taken me a long time to lose the 45lbs I have lost so far. Certainly well below the 2lbs a week standard. I've struggled. I've failed. I've succeeded. But I haven't given up- so I know I'm still winning.
As a mother its almost required that you sit down and go through your children's clothing every few months. Donating the too small dresses. Pulling out the jeans with ripped knees and deciding how many pairs of "play jeans" are really needed.
But my clothes were all mixed in. As I was separating our clothes I realized how many XL shirts and how many size 18 pants are still in my closet. I don't wear most of it. But I didn't want to throw it out. What if I don't lose any more weight? What if I get pregnant? Each item of clothing was a small battle. "But this shirt..." and "I might wear this to..."
I realized it was so hard because I'm scared. People think that this whole journey is just eating less cookies, and sure, a large part of it is. Yet, so much of it has been emotional too. I feel like I have taken timid little baby steps. I went down to the YMCA and got a membership to help motivate me. But as I sat on the floor with my laundry baskets surrounding me I realized it was time to choose.
I don't want to donate the clothes because they give me an easy way out. If I regain the weight nothing would happen. The number would go up on the scale. I would go to the back of the closet and start wearing the old clothes again. Nothing else would happen. If I throw the clothes out and gain weight I have to go back to the store. I have to look for plus sizes again. I have to dig into my purse and shell out money because I regained the weight.
I worked hard to fit into those size 12 jeans. So I'm going to keep the 14's for comfort. But the rest has to go. I'm moving forward. I don't want to go back. I'm scared out of my mind. But I have to believe that it will get easier. I can do it!