Monday, February 04, 2013
Today was a day of disappointments, not only did my team lose the Superbowl but i let myself lose the battle of motivation. I had told myself last night that I would workout no matter what that it was time to get back on track with all of that. But when push came to shove like the niners I couldnt deliver. I know tomorrow I will but I cant help but deal with emotions that come with not doing it tonight. I think the stress and grief I have been dealing with is just bringing me down so much. To back track a little as to why im dealing with grief right now I need to talk about my grandmother. My grandma was the best, she was such a strong woman, and just so absolutely wonderful. She was so loving and caring and had a way of making each grandchild feel so special. My grandmother battled a long time with a blood condition and underwent for the last couple of years different shots and treatments for her illness. Then the middle of last year she was told that a mass in her lungs was starting to grow, after biospy and surgery they let us know that it was cancerous and the road of chemo and radiation was in the plans. Last thursday my grandma lost the battle to cancer. I feel that with the warning we were giving that I was more prepared for the grieving process than when my father passed away unexpecatedly. So although im dealing with my feeling in a healthy way I know that the grief im feeling right now is making me very stressed and on edge. Im taking that out on my hubby and that is causing me to be disappointed again in myself, my husband is a wonderful man and deserves for me to be nicer and less short with him... im hoping in the days to come I will do much better with that. Anyways that is kinda where Im at right now.
I hope that everyone had a wonderful weekend and for everyone that has a grandma please make a note to give then a call tomorrow just to say a quick hi and i love you!