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Tracked 2000 cal ...extra!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

It started with the chocolate dessert... or maybe it started when I against better judgement decided to eat the tortilla buffet I had fixed for the children. I did estimate and weigh and ended up wit a good calorie result for two tortillas with quorn, grated cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber corn and garlic sauce...since I had potato&leek soup for lunch it was within a healthy range for the day.

Then daughter asked if she and friend could make chocolate dessert - of course they could. After having those for dessert charming daughter says "We left one serving for you in the fridge too mum!"

The sane action for me is to immediately say:"Oh I don´t want one, you can share that between you" But... emoticon inspires me to wait and think about it...maybe I could have that chocolate dessert inside my calorie limit as well.

And you know what? I could. But what I could not was to eat something like that outside of the plan I made in the morning. Because if I when I have eaten that brain starts to freak out and tell me that all is lost and I might as well ...

Usually I stop tracking when it goes wrong. But reading friend Joy helped me decide to track my excesses...and whaddayaknow...2000 cal extra just like that! I was not full, I could have eaten 2000 more easily, there was just not anything left to graze on in the house. Well there was, some low quality chocolate candy, used for baking. But after eating half of that package I found myself feeling nauseated and suspecting I would end up with a migraine today if I did not stop... threw the leftover away this morning.

Spark People, dieticians, doctors...all those sources advices about balanced changes - there should be no forbidden foods and not too strict plans.... well they do not know how far I am in my disease! For me to think that I can have a chocolate dessert at home alone is like an alcoholic to think that she can have just one drink...

It is not the first time I have written this but I repeat it - when I gave up drinking I removed all red wine from my house (kept liqueurs but I had not touched that for years, and did not feel any urge to do so) After four years of sobriety I moved and shared house for a year - that woman had wine at home and drank sometimes with meals. No problem at all to me but it would have been if I had not had those four years of sobriety in my backbone.

Wit the same argument I might be able to resist a chocolate dessert in my fridge after four years of balanced eating...but not today.

It is insane how I keep fooling myself that I might be able to handle it "just this time"...hah!

It is always advised against making too big changes at the same time but I also have this motto "If you keep doing what you always have done, you will get the result you always have gotten"

I have tried to lose weight for forty years. The few times I have been successful for longer periods ( 1- 4 months) has been weightwatchers (4 months) soup menu (five weeks) trying to cut back without counting or weighing too much (for months) and weight group (9 months).

Causes to gain weight are: Love food, life is boring/stressful, evening habits.

That I love food I can´t do that much about, luckily I love healthy food as well as unhealthy I can probably satisfy my love of food with healthy restricted choices.

That life is boring/stressful is simply not true - it is an attitude I have sometimes, looking back I must say that my life so far has been more fun and balanced than most peoples, it is more my personality that gets so easily bored with things.

Evening habits...that will be hard to change. My energy and mood is low in the afternoon and I think I "deserve" to become a couchpotato in front of the teve. Yes, I have tried knitting and it works for a while. It is recommended not more then two hours of teve a day, I could probably live with that but would have to plan... and maybe record things one night and look at them the next, that would help but I can´t bring myself to start planning.

Today the girls wanted to bake a cake, part of it because they want to have it as snack on the bus. I think I will change their plan to muffins - they can make muffins and bring all of them, a cake would be too much, some of it would be left and although the little devil tells me "you can keep it and take it to work monday" ...pah! I know that sometime tonight I will eat it all...

It is weird, by now I KNOW how things work with me still I keep fooling myself and thinking that I can manage it "just this time..."
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Just like not drinking alcohol, not overeating is a one day at a time process. Eventually the unhealthy choices will be fewer and the balance will be there, it can be a very slow process.

    Keep going I am sure you will get where you want to be eventually. It took years to build bad habits, it will take years to build good ones. emoticon
    2518 days ago
    Overeating is a strong addiction. Maybe if you keep the foods out of the house like you did with the wine, you may not be as tempted. I pray you can find the strenght to succeed.
    2519 days ago
    the chocolate would have won me over!

    2519 days ago
    Don't give me too much credit! I'm right there with you still and have had those days when food is in the house for others and I overindulge. I repeat, keep tracking, it helps. I had company Fri evening that left early Sat morning. My brother, his wife and a friend; headed South. I bought cookies, dip, veggies and chips for the evening that we never ate. The friend brought fantastic peanut brittle, that I tried to be "polite" plus, I love peanut brittle. Well, didn't track it but probably added a thousand calories to my day! He's so proud of it; makes 350#'s during the holidays to give away and his wife sells it at craft fairs. He left me about 10 pounds of it!! So, OK I enjoyed it Friday night. Totally aware of what I was doing. Sat. morning I packed up all the snacks I bought and took half of what was left of the peanut brittle and took it all to my daughters where it won't do that much damage to their family of 5 that includes 3 active teenagers. The remaining peanut brittle has been packaged up for a friend that will enjoy it and I will see today. So, Friday was fun but back on track Saturday. That's how I roll. Nothing is forbidden but usually those things I can't control are eaten elsewhere. Even after all these years at goal; I still don't have control if they are in the house. That one evening won't result in a gain. Letting it continue and slipping into mindless eating would. As far as the evening eating; it's fine if you plan for it; that I won't give up but it's usually a bowl of berries, a greek yogurt or popcorn. Sometimes all 3 and as long as I count the calories I'm fine.
    2519 days ago
    I keep most sweets out of the house, and right now I am in the process of purging the house of sugar and candy after the holidays. Candy came as gifts, sugar I used for baking. Normally, the only sweets I have in the house are raw honey, maple syrup, and one bar of extra dark chocolate that I keep in the freezer. I can snack on a small piece of frozen chocolate when I crave chocolate; it takes longer to eat so I don't binge on it.

    You are right to treat it like an addiction. You've beaten alcohol and you can do this.

    2519 days ago
    Maybe I should say about that chocolate dessert - it is a mix you buy and blend with milk and put in the refridgerator for 30 minutes... and I have had those packages with the mix in mu cupboard all christmas with no accidents – because to go for that means that I have to prepare it and wait for at least 30 minutes before eating it - so the mix is sort of "safe" (not all times though) BUT when it is made and standing there to be consumed in a minute... like a snowballs chance in hell that I can handle that sanely!
    2519 days ago
    Well done, you, for tracking it anyway! I misbehaved yesterday too but today is a new day.

    Being able to enjoy all things in moderation can be tricky business and requires work on your mindset and relationship with food. You're right that it isn't as simple as just allowing yourself a little treat.
    2519 days ago
    Oh, you are so right, Meddy! It is easier - easy, but easy-ER - now that the kids are out of the house. But lurking around every corner are things like holidays... eating out... birthdays... invitations... Even cooking in the kitchen can have its problems, as I eat my way through the entire preparation phase. And healthy or not, if you eat enough of anything, it will end up "outside the plan."

    Do I have a solution? Nope. But if it's any consolation, I know just what you're talking about - and that chocolate would've called to me, too.
    2519 days ago
  • GINNJEN1974
    Just this time gets me all the time. I know I should not eat outside of my calorie range but yup over and over I get a graze mentality going and like you those calories stack up.

    Food soberity would be an interesting concept except we must eat. Not to sure how to get around that. If you figure it out please let me know.

    Great and honest blog.
    2519 days ago
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