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STRUGGLING Big Time: 1400 Calorie December Check In #2

Friday, December 14, 2012

I have lost my mojo and my marbles!! I did not plan on checking in until the end of my night Saturday, but I am hoping that owning up to this NOW will prevent this from happening for a 3rd day in a row. I really need to be in a good state of mind tomorrow because I am spending the day at the Casino with my uncle for his birthday, we are going to a concert. We will be eating dinner there but if I make smart choices I will be fine. But judging how today and yesterday went, I just have been EATING EVERYTHING.

I am going to journal for myself in a little bit to go into more detail, I do not want to ramble on here for pages and pages about why I feel I am out of control, but I will let you all in on some quick tidbits.

emoticon: I continuously struggle with self sabotage and being scared of actually reaching my goals. I have been working on this.

emoticon: I tend to be an emotional eater, I am not a big eater when I am happy, but when I am down in the dumps food is my comfort. I have been working on this, but I do not always win against the binge monster emoticon , and these last 2 days have been proof of that.

emoticon: This is a stupid excuse, and embarrassing to admit, but the weight simply has not been coming off since I started this 1400 calorie December. Not budging in the least. So while I was proud of sticking to my goals, I was upset that I wasn't seeing any rewards. My brother even went on to say maybe I should up calories a little bit. But I am stubborn and I wanted to continue to prove to myself I could do it.

emoticon: This is even more embarrassing to admit out loud, and it irritates me that I did that. But yesterday when I went over my 1400 calorie mark, something went off in my brain that hasn't happened in a VERY long time. I said to myself "you already blew it, might as well eat whatever you want." I have plenty of motivational quotes to the tune of "if you break one dish, do you go back and break the rest of the set?", on and on and with the similar meaning. I have been SO good about not doing this, until these past 2 days.

This is getting long and wordy, which is what I was trying to avoid. I will save the rest for my journaling. I refuse to just chalk this up to two bad days and move on. Don't get me wrong, I will not beat myself up for this, I am only human, but I want to UNDERSTAND what is happening and then I will be able to put it behind me and move forward. I know this weight stuff is going to be something I will battle with for the rest of my life, and in order to keep winning this battle I need to understand why I do certain things. I am a work in progress and I will keep working.

I also wanted to post this to be accountable to my Spark Friends. I have had a LOT of people be super sweet to me and congratulate me. A lot of people see 60 pounds lost and see before and after pics, but I wanted to remind everyone that it is not always emoticon's and emoticon's and that I struggle from time to time. I knew my month of December was not going to be spotless with this 1400 calorie December, but I also didn't expect to go so far off the deep end. I will just emoticon

1400 Calorie December:
9th: 1393 emoticon
10th: 1395 emoticon
11th: 1389 emoticon
12th: 3,000+ emoticon emoticon
13th: 3,000+ emoticon emoticon

Previous Update was 1-8, all under 1400. emoticon

Next check in might end up sooner than expected if I feel I need the accountability! I hope all my Spark Friends are having a better week than I am! emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon emoticon
    3110 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3111 days ago
    You are doing good! You screwed up and your owning it and finding solutions and delving deeper into the reasoning behind it!. It doesn't matter how long you stay where your at...OKAY?!?! It matters that you keep looking forward even if you are just standing in the same spot. Dont go back! Dont turn around!
    As far as you not losing, I would maybe lower the carbs if you think your getting more than you were, or just up your walking a tad bit. Or add a 30 second jog/sprint here and there while your walking. I'm gonna weigh on monday......I hope its good...ish!
    3112 days ago
    You have got this. Just remember how far you have come. And we are here for you! emoticon
    3112 days ago
  • JUDY106
    I know how you feel. I have not been doing the normal on my calorie count . I always stay at the lower end of the count and this month I have been at the higher end. I been at this for six months and never went to the higher end of the calorie count. I don't know why things has changed for me too. I am trying to get back to the lower end every day. I hope you do better than me. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    Tomorrow this a new day. Thank the Lord !!

    3113 days ago
    I just feel for you so much! I can feel your frustration and your sadness through my computer screen and I don't know what to say other than keep going.

    You have come so far; you know that. You can look at all of your progress pictures you want but you still need to feel mentally secure, too. Feeling like you are in control and satisfied with what you are doing is as equally important as being satisfied with how you are changing physically (in my book). Like we keep saying, the mental part is the hardest part. If you aren't feeling strong mentally, it's hard to keep going.

    I know it's hard to see but you had 11 good days and 2 bad days. Those 11 days are definitely the majority and those 2 days are just, well, 2 days. I wish we could look at the 11 instead of focusing on the 2 but it's hard. I feel like I used to do that with my grades in school as well. It's hard to focus on all the positives when you see one or two negatives.

    Is TOM here or coming soon? I know that can mess with me big time.

    You are loved and you are supported. Keep going, lady!
    3114 days ago
    We all have bad days. I sometimes get the same mind set. Especially if I didn't think the day was that bad, then I track everything and it was worse than expected. You can do it. Give your body time to get used to the new calorie range. Everything takes time. Also do what feels healthy to you. Could be a sign that it is to low of a range, but who knows better than you listening to your own body.
    3114 days ago
    I think 1400 is too low for you. Your body is in starvation mode and holding every calorie. Also feeling so deprived can sabotage you. Ease up plan your meals. Stay in
    a better range. And think about why you want this. You are worth it.

    3114 days ago
    We still love you. We know that you can do this. I have had a bad 4 weeks intermittently. Hopefully, I am back on track. The scale was VERY kind to me this morning.
    3114 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12525212
    emoticon You can do this! I know its hard to regain control when you feel you are slipping, I struggle with it all the time. Have faith YOU ARE STRONG!
    3114 days ago
    emoticon Getting to the bottom of what your triggers are will help you overcome them. I hope your journaling helps you to find the answers.
    3114 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12088077
    Hey girl- it happens! I'm not trying to trivialise what you are going through, but often the novelty of trying something new will wear off, and your "inner kid" will start bossing you around. How are you feeling on a 1400 day? Are you satisfied? Are you tired? Are you feeling empowered for the day ahead? Do you get headaches or muscle cramps? before you up your calories, you can have a look there with how you are feeling when you eat 1400 and see if you genuinely need to up them. You mentioned that you didn't lose last week and aren't seeing results this week- that is normal! You made a change in your life and sometimes it takes time to see that on the scale. What are your measurements telling you? Are you stalling there too? and here's the last question: How much water are you drinking? Water helps flush the toxins out when your body uses it's fat resources for energy. If that's lagging try a week with 10 or more glasses (about 2.5-3 liters) and see what happens.

    Looking at food analytically is the best way I've tried to beat the emotional eating monster. It's not love, it's food. It's not acceptance, it's nourishment.

    Are you typically an introverted person? For me, as an introvert, I notice that too much outside stimulation (too many parties/gatherings etc) even with people I love, will drain me too quickly, and I'll binge. But really what I need is an evening to myself to putter around the house and de-stimulate. I mention this only because you've been so busy and maybe you're like me :)

    Sorry this has gotten so wordy! BIG HUGS
    3114 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13287288
    P.S. One more thing- since you are looking for accountability to yourself, and long term changes, here's a tip I have learned- and you really have to do it earnestly before you try saying it won't work:

    This only takes maybe 10 minutes- sign off Spark and get a piece of paper

    On the piece of paper, draw a vertical line down the middle

    on the left side, I want you to write down any behaviors, thoughts ideas that have kept you from your goal these past 2 days (like if you kept junk food in the house, if you didn't track your food, if you didn't plan ahead, if you choose unhealthy foods)

    Then at the bottom of that side write: I forgive myself, but I will do better.

    On the Left side, On the top write 3 goals in large letters. and then under it write all the things you will do in the future to combat the things on the left side (like keeping junk out of the house, planning your meals ahead, drinking 8 glasses of water a day....)

    and then at the bottom write I CAN AND WILL DO THIS.

    Please try this, and put it in a spot you can see it at least once daily (it can be your underwear drawer, or in your purse.

    Good luck!

    3114 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13287288
    Ok, breathe! This happens to me too, I eat 1 bite of a trigger food and then go tumbling fast down that bad hill! Yikes!

    Best thing to do is to start from right now, we can't change the past, but we can admit that we engaged in behaviors we don't wish to repeat, and then do better.

    Now here's a few things that may help you:
    1. Before you go out to dinner, eat something at home! Eat something like a Fiber one 90 calorie bar, some carrot sticks, yogurt-, an apple, anything filling that way you can order something lighter on the menu and eat half and take the other half home.

    It really works- if I am not super hungry, it's easier for me to pass up high caloroe dishes, and easier not to overindulge.

    You can do this! Just because you "slipped" (AND WE HAVE ALL SLIPPED, AND STRUGGLES- THAT'S WHY WE ARE ON SPARK) doesn't mean you need to stay on the ground, get back up hold your head up high and keep walking confidently in the direction of your goal!

    3114 days ago
  • KWEENIE777
    emoticon emoticon
    3114 days ago
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