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Gotta Start Somewhere

Monday, December 03, 2012

Well, here we go. I decided not to "weight" till January first - because that would just be another month that I have put off what I need to do. I was sitting on the couch about to order Chinese food for about the 500th time - and I just teared up. I sit and think about all the aspects of my life that are influenced by my weight.

When I go out dancing - I get so winded and at times become so red faced I feel like I am going to either pass out or have a heart attack. The thought of a heart attack is so at the fore-front of my mind that when bartenders ask me how I am doing - I usually make some comment about "well they haven't had to call the ambulance yet." OR when I go attempt exercise I tell friends "if I am not back in 30 minutes - call 911." I know in my mind - and the reality is that although I say it in a very joking manner - I think about the possibility literally every time I make these comments.
My father died at 45 of heart failure due to his body going in to shock after his sugar dropped /due to diabetes related complications. My aunt died at 35 from a heart attack. My grandfather late 40's of heart failure. My mother has had heart issues that were only recently fixed after heart surgery - so yes, I may make ambulance jokes but I am very aware that I am not in a healthy place with my heart-. And the fact that I am obese really just makes the thought of heart issues that much more of a reality and a part of my daily life.

When booking a flight - I worry about the seating and make sure I get an "extra large" seat, when I go out with friends - I worry about the food I order and think OMG I can't get the nachos because how cliche is it for a fat girl eating nachos? When I had my nieces and nephews over the summer - I would chase them around and then just be so out of breathe -
When I interview for singing gigs - I cringe when people book me for auditions - because I have lost so many lead singer gigs because I didn't have the right "image" or AKA the right waist measurements - My weight has dictated what I can and can't do for so many years.

I avoid relationships, I avoid activities with friends, I couldn't sky dive with my sister last year, I retake photos from my good angle, I could go on - but I just know I just really want to make a change.

It's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy and finding balance. I am for the most part comfortable in my own skin but recently realizing that I am becoming more and more unstructured and with that comes some other personality traits that I am not happy with.

So I am going to put forth a real, contentiousness effort. I am going to give myself a set number of days to determine if I can make healthier choices and create healthier habits -
Also I am going to keep a blog for added motivation. So that I have someone to answer to - you - my friends. I guess its a way to keep myself in check? That added benefit of accountability and full disclosure. I also hope that if something I am doing isn't the best way - that you will make suggestions.. advice and maybe better solutions to this problem.

So day one starts now.
Going to setup my blog so - anyone can comment on this..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Don't worry about perfection. Make as many healthy as possible. Truly commit to yourself and you can achieve the life you dream of!

    We're here to support you and cheer you on!
    2969 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6939912
    I love to connect with someone at the very beginning of their journey and watch them as they SUCCEED in hitting their goals. You shall be one of those people! I would suggest you don't give yourself a certaining number of days to see if you can make healthier choices or not... sounds like you're expecting a failure. Just DO! Everyday is a new day and every day is an opportunity to make a healthy choice. Just don't give up! Just focus on TODAY... tomorrow will take care of itself.
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    2970 days ago
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    2971 days ago
    You have come to the right place for you journey! You already have a game plan! You can do this! Just remember one day at a time!
    2971 days ago
    You CAN do this, and you've come to the right place. I look forward to reading your blog posts, and you are welcome to mine. Just take one day at a time.

    "Home is where your story begins." ~ Lowell Herrero

    I love that quote. It's a story... your story, and you get to write it, but it all begins at home. Fill it with positive people, nutritious food, exercise videos... whatever works. Make lifestyle changes, new habits, and you will succeed.

    "It's only a day." Pierrette Kavanaugh

    I love that quote, too. It originated with a coworker of mine on a day that I was feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed. When I thought about what she said, I thought: I can through this. Anyone can get through one day. So on days when you feel it's too hard, just remember to get through the day. Tomorrow should be better, especially if you did your best.

    I also love spark coach. It's really helpful. You made a good decision in joining sparkpeople. It's awesome!

    Claude emoticon
    2971 days ago
    You've made the hardest decision already! All you have to do is put it into action. 3 years ago, I wouldn't believe someone if they told me it's possible for you to lose 200 pounds, but today it is my reality!

    I understand your concerns about the heart problems. My dad and my grandmother both had fatal massive heart attacks at a very early age. It scared the crap out of me, so I decided that enough was enough. I had to get healthy if not for any other reason than the fact that I wanted to live.

    I wish you well on your journey!
    2971 days ago
  • EUEK098
    That's your motivation right there, get started. Cut back on your portions, and start researching on the types of foods you'd like to eat and exercise options.
    2971 days ago

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    2971 days ago
    good for you!! Take small steps and you can do it. We are here if you need us.
    2972 days ago
  • JO28352
    Sounds like you're on the right track. You can do this!! emoticon
    2972 days ago
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