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The worrying game...what to do..what to do?

Saturday, November 24, 2012

I have heard that worrying and stress can add to weight gain, I can't say that's the only reason why I am overweight but hey if it adds to it...how do i stop it?

I am a hospice caregiver, I take care of people who are on their deathbeds and would like to pass in the comfort of their own home and I am there to make sure I take care of everything my patient needs in order to take that responsibility away from the family..that way they can just go back to being family for their loved one and not caregivers.I never realized how much of an impact that my job has on me and my stress level but it really does. I think about death allot!! and worry about my husband, my kids and if they are safe, I worry about my other job where I take care of a 94 year old that has no family, I worry about my relationship with my husband because I am such a control freak..I can go on and on about the things I worry about.

Just recently I had a mammogram done and found that the results were not in my favor and now I have to have an x-ray guided biopsy in order for them to extract some of the tissue from the mass and then tell me whether it is cancer or not.

I have already gone to my Doctor and requested medication to get me through my anxiety attacks, but how far can medication go to correct what is really going on with me.

Today I am at a crossroads, bills are piling up and my job is causing me to rethink if I should really be in the field anymore after 20 years, as for my patient that I take care of who is 94 and with no family I am faced with whether or not I should continue to take care of his every need..I do not know what to do I have four kids two of which are in diapers and a teenager who is driving me crazy and of course my middle child who I believe does not get enough of my attention.This by now is probably sounding like one big bitch session but these problems are so hard for me to figure out right now.

So I am forced to answer what is best for me, that is easy quit my job and stay at home avoid the huge daycare bill, pay attention to my middle son and kick my 18 year old out and of course work things out with my husband...but its not that simple, my patient depends on me, I am all he has, and he will not be on this earth much longer...my hospice patients give me a purpose in life they allow me to see something beautiful and that's watching them leave this earth for their soul to join the next ( what ever and where ever that is) as for my kids I have to admit I am done with my daughter and her disrespect the insults and her constant attacks on me..but she is my daughter and she is young and I can not turn my back on her now...I thought by blogging somehow I could come to a conclusion but well..I have not...I'm sick with worry but with a little more time I hope this works out..

For me by me..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FREEME1980
    You are a giving and caring person. It's so hard to not be last on the list when it comes to all those people who depend on you for care and attention.

    Stress will do horrible things as you are finding out. Go for a mile walk each night. Take your children with you especially the middle child who needs your attention. Tell him/her that you need them to help you.

    Sending prayers of strength. Take care of you!
    2777 days ago
    I don't have any answers to your questions. I just wanted to say I know how it feels to be where you are. It does and will get better :)
    2778 days ago
    Thank you for your comments while i work this out , its a great help! emoticon
    2778 days ago
    Look, life is rarely easy. You'll have to weigh the pros and cons of each thing. (For a disrespectful teen, the best you can do is have the self respect to STAY CALM. If you really can't ignore her, perhaps a CALM saying of something like : "I understand that you are angry, but I can't hear you when you yell/swear/call me names. I expect you to treat me civilly" If she doesn't, walk away.
    As for working on calm, I find 2 things helpfull:
    1) Drawing up a plan to deal with the problem, and taking ONE step in the dirrection
    2) walking to let off steam

    2779 days ago
    The answers aren't always simple. More often they are extremely complicated and it is difficult to see the way out of the deepest valleys in our lives. Today's highlighted blog has a great passage about this very idea. All I know is that struggle is a part of life and often the most difficult experiences are the most rewarding. The fact that you are reflecting on all of this rather than being on auto pilot says a lot about who you are and how you'll fare. It takes a special person to do the jobs you do, and I can't imagine the toll it takes. No matter what you decide, it sounds as if you have given a lot of yourself to a lot of people for a long time and that in itself is something to be proud of. Good luck.
    2779 days ago
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