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jokes and motivational quotes

Sunday, October 21, 2012

For one of my team this week my blog is to be A FAVORITE QUOTE”. I AM SUSPOSED TO Post one (or more) of your favorite quotes. Tell us what it (they) means to you and how each has helped you stay on track, move forward and/or make positive changes in your life. Well my life motto is not that goal inspiring but it is what I live by from Gale Sayers the football player. God is first, my family and friend are second and I am third. But this motto is not the great FOR SOMEONE WITH SELF ESTEEM PROBLEM. SO I AM TRYING ON SOME NEW QUOTE.
1. The belief in your dreams is a belief in your life. WELL NOT BAD
2. Failure is a stepping stone on the stream of great success. This one sounds like me
3. Your fears are like bullies, they tend to back down when you confront them can relate to this one too
4. Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. I like this one
5. Aim for the moon, that way, even if you miss you'll still be amongst the stars! - W. Clement Stone – I really like this one
6. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”
- Robert F. Kennedy
7. Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
--Woody Allen
8. My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging.” ~ Hank Aaron
9. Live boldly and bloom to your fullest potential by taking small but fearless daily actions in the direction of your dream
10. Your life counts – and make it count. You are unique. There is no one like you on this planet. Never has been and never will be.
The winner I am still not sure but this was a good exercise and I will keep looking.
A husband was making a breakfast of fried eggs for his wife. Suddenly his wife burst into the kitchen.

"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful.

CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The husband stared at her.

"What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The wife calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
How to Address Inmates
A pastor just fresh from Bible College, was invited to speak at a chapel service in a prison.
He was very excited but being his very first time, he was very nervous as well. He thought hard how to introduce his message. On the day he arrived at the prison, he was greeted by a large group of prisoners waiting to hear him. As the young pastor walked and stood behind the pulpit, he said, ‘Good morning. It’s so good to see you here!’
pieces of advice for women regarding men:
1. Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do when your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door behind him.
3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander. Its too small to be out on it's own.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyways.
6. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
7. The definition of a bachelor is a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are do-it-yourself types.
9. The best way to get a man to do something is to say he's too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what kind of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remeber, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes. It means that you laugh at him.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great quotes. Some of them really touched home.
    2724 days ago
  • no profile photo CD557571
    You know I'm a quote person too. I love how you said the quote and then added a personal comment. Just keep "swinging". I like that one. One of my favorites is Ghandi's "You must've the change you wish to see in the world". It motivates me to take action when I start thinking something is someone else's job.
    2724 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8667808
    I heard a teacher tell a student in one of our homeless youth programs "You have to think of your dreams as realities that just haven't happened yet." That's kind of like number 9. I love number 8 also. Not bad.
    Thanks for the jokes!
    2724 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5707126
    Wonderful quotes! I hope that you can find one that helps you to bloom and grow in this garden called life! emoticon
    2724 days ago
    Thanks for a lot of motivational quotes to get me thinking and some hilarious jokes to start my day laughing. Especially like the egg and driving one. emoticon
    2724 days ago
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