63 Meeting again
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Saturday I had a serious thought about using wine again - then I knew I had to go to a meeting. It has been sloppy since I have my step study group and thought that was enough.
When I gave up drinking seven years ago I had not gotten to the point where consequences was starting to hit. I have never made a fool of myself as drunk (well as a teenager but never since) I have never missed work, I have never been told that I should watch my drink, the oppsite, people got very surprised when I said I had given up drink because I thought it was troublesome... therefore it is kind of easy to think that I can start again now that I have forgotten about the nagging anxiety over going in the wrong direction. The thing that have kept me from wanting to drink has been that I know that if I do, I can´t go to AA meetings and I have appreciated those so much to make me feel as a part of the world nd knowing that I am not alone... but now I just remembered the boring shares, the itching irritation when people keeps talking and talking about trivia... so it was time to get myself to a meeting which I did yesterday.
We also had our step study group of aa - step eight and I think it is hard. I am not fully willing to make a "make-up" list of all I need to make things up too... but it was good and then the lunch meeting was great. A newcome, a lady my age, you could never guess she had alcohol problems and she was in he "typical" state, confused and desperate.
I wish those newcomers should know how they help us "Oldtimers" We tell them but thinking of my own experience as a newcomer, I don´t think she understands it. My heart went out to her and I only wish she will stay long enough for the miracle to start working.
The meeting came to be about our view on God, Sweden is a very secular country and the presence of God in twelve step program is a problem for many newcomers. Listening how the others had come to trust a power greater than themselves was ... wonderful, very rewardning and made me so grateful that I had done the right thing and gotten myself to a meeting.