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63 Meeting again

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Saturday I had a serious thought about using wine again - then I knew I had to go to a meeting. It has been sloppy since I have my step study group and thought that was enough.

When I gave up drinking seven years ago I had not gotten to the point where consequences was starting to hit. I have never made a fool of myself as drunk (well as a teenager but never since) I have never missed work, I have never been told that I should watch my drink, the oppsite, people got very surprised when I said I had given up drink because I thought it was troublesome... therefore it is kind of easy to think that I can start again now that I have forgotten about the nagging anxiety over going in the wrong direction. The thing that have kept me from wanting to drink has been that I know that if I do, I can´t go to AA meetings and I have appreciated those so much to make me feel as a part of the world nd knowing that I am not alone... but now I just remembered the boring shares, the itching irritation when people keeps talking and talking about trivia... so it was time to get myself to a meeting which I did yesterday.

We also had our step study group of aa - step eight and I think it is hard. I am not fully willing to make a "make-up" list of all I need to make things up too... but it was good and then the lunch meeting was great. A newcome, a lady my age, you could never guess she had alcohol problems and she was in he "typical" state, confused and desperate.

I wish those newcomers should know how they help us "Oldtimers" We tell them but thinking of my own experience as a newcomer, I don´t think she understands it. My heart went out to her and I only wish she will stay long enough for the miracle to start working.

The meeting came to be about our view on God, Sweden is a very secular country and the presence of God in twelve step program is a problem for many newcomers. Listening how the others had come to trust a power greater than themselves was ... wonderful, very rewardning and made me so grateful that I had done the right thing and gotten myself to a meeting.
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  • FUNGIRL81005
    Good for you on getting to the AA meeting. The newcomer showing you where you have been ..and how far you have come is great. Every day Every day....My family struggles with addiction. The last 5 years have been tough. I have learned that addiction is painful and something we all fight in one way or another. My younger brother was a top honors high school and now is an addict that is serving time for his addiction. My younger sister passed away 2 years ago from a heroin overdose. My heart goes out to you and I really do wish you complete recovery!!
    2627 days ago
    I'm glad you didn't drink and went to a meeting.

    Actually, even if you did drink you can still go to the meetings. The standard is "a willingness to stop drinking". Though most who do drink feel so bad they don't go to the meetings that can help them stop. So, it is always better to not take that first drink. For one thing having that first drink brings on a lot of stinking thinking that makes it very difficult to stop again.

    There are many people in the U.S. that also feel uncomfortable about 'God' in the meetings. That is probably true worldwide. Most who have a problem with God are encouraged to look to something else as a higher power, though I always found a problem in looking to people or nature as higher powers. I was pretty angry at God so it was pretty hard for me to deal with all the God speak at meetings, but I went anyway. Maybe if I had not been so against listening about God I would have gotton more out of the meetings. Or maybe I didn't get much out of the meetings because of all the really awful things I seen go on amongst persons in A.A. They proved over and over their alcoholic ways did NOT disappear due to coming to A.A., no matter usually how long they had been in A.A.

    I do go to A.A. periodically even after 36 years, but I still have problems about what I see go on there. Anything that would go on in a bar goes on at meetings here, and that has in the past included brawls, scams, attempted sexual assault on the early gal making coffee, taking out a hit on a wife, and having affairs with fellow A.A. partners even if they are married (to someone else). When I went to A.A. in the city (when I lived there for 7 years) I loved the meetings cause they really worked at working the program; but here they really tank.

    2627 days ago
    You have found what works for you! It is great to read about you learning and sharing your success with others..Keep up the good work!
    2627 days ago
    Congratulations on making the healthy choice and taking care of yourself and bless you for being there for the newcomers!
    2628 days ago
    Way to step it up and commit to sobriety. You should be proud of your resolve. Way to hang in there. emoticon
    2628 days ago
    Oh Meddy! Congratulations to you for getting yourself to that meeting! You are so blessed to have found your AA group. Such an inspirational organization. We have dealt with this issue in my family (over and over again!), and my sister is the happiest one of the bunch...sober the longest...and she is the one who chose AA. Thanks for bringing it to the forefront. Addiction sucks!

    2628 days ago
    Very powerful post, thanks for sharing. I wish you nothing but the best as you maintain your sobriety.
    2628 days ago
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