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Friday, September 07, 2012

I have joined a BLC challenge which will go on for twelve weeks and require a lot of commitment. This morning I have spend a lot of time reading through rules, adding friends of the team I am in and posting stuff... I surely hope it will not take this time in the future, I have commited time for the challenges from the team but all the spark obligations, posting and stuff might overwhelm me...

Yesterday was a catastrophe... well, until about four o clock it was a good day, aca meaaeting during lunch (good) at work (good) and biking with dog (good) Came home and found a letter from tax office that had been delivered to my old adress a month ago... and yesterday it reached me! First thing I did was to find a form to change my company addess who obviously had not been done at the tax office!

The letter was a demand to leave an income declaration for my company otherwise I would be fined 5000 skr (742 usd) I crashed and went suicidal in a couple of seconds. Called the tax office, full blown hysterical, waited in telephone for sixteen minutes, explained to the customer service person while sobbing... you know I did this with my accountant in july I do not understand why it has not been registred and I did not earn any money in my company last year - I have left my private income declaration in time... I still don´t know if this can be fixed without that heavy fine but the suicidal mood has passed. It is scary how hard it hits me when I get the feeling that I have failed badly - all my fault..should have checked, should have known, why do I always do this... all those negative feelings just crashes down on me and it really takes a long time before I can reason myself out from it.

And I ate. Tracking it afterwards showed that it was not too bad after all, thanks to not having a lot of crap food in my house I was restricted to french toast with cheese, and it could have been worse.

My 60th birthday party is in danger - if there will be a fine I will not be able to give that party - that is planned to be very cheap considering what others do but still - there has to be some extra costs and I feel too crushed for the moment to WANT to give a party as I don´t want to meet people as I feel like a person that has nothing to contribute... all silly and will probably pass in a week or so.

And all this sparking makes me late for today...which doesnt make my self esteem better.

Spent two hours yesterday talking with friend who has just finished her chemo - aches in skeleton, going on morphine, the little hair that is returning is whte (she is 45) no eyebrows or eyelashes (or hair in unmentionable places) death anxiety and very weak - and I was very happy because she repeated that I am such a support for her, I say exactly the right things to encourage her and give her strength... and this was making me feel grateful to be able to help and for being a cancer survivor ( as far as I know...)
and I wish I could hang on to that feeling when these econimical blows hits me... but it is hard to remember how blessed I am when all that shame and failure emotions strikes.

Sun is wonderful, I have lots of work, daughter is coming this weekend, two shows at the theatre - then we only have two left hooray!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    MEddy - the first week getting set up in BLC takes a little more time. I usually set aside an huor a day fofr 203 dyas to get my plans in place. Can I help you out? PLease know I am here if you need help!

    HUgs friend, Jann

    Hope the fines ( whatever those are) and your mood imporve for you to have a small party, at least onewith your daghter.!
    2627 days ago
    Big Hugs. You need it today.
    2629 days ago
    What a roller coaster ride!

    I also react badly to things like mail from the government. I got a package the other day and it scared me until I opened it and found it was material to apply for Canada pension.

    I am sure you will straighten this out.

    2629 days ago
    2630 days ago
  • GINNJEN1974
    Now that is a busy schedule. You seem to have found some positive still and that is great among all that chaos.
    2630 days ago
    Hang in there, you will get through this. Thank goodness you only have healty foods at home. emoticon
    2630 days ago
    I love your last sentence; focus on that!

    The rest, doesn't sound to me like your error. The mail taking a month to get to you and other circumstances; there is enough blame here to spread around. Unfortunately the outcome rests at your doorstep! You will sludge through this, it's part of life and in spite of your feelings; you do that well! Those that don't run into struggles; usually are just not doing much!

    I really hope this works out OK for you and you don't get fined. Regardless, tackle it one day at a time. Be well, and don't give up on that birthday party!
    2630 days ago
    hang in there, meddy - in the big scheme of things, you *are* doing great and you will continue to do so. the angst that comes with the skattemyndigheter letter is unavoidable, you aren't alone, it's what happens. but you know you did 'your* best, and with any luck (mercy? compassion) the dang bureaucrat will give you a break. if not, you will recover, because you know how to fight your way back. your friend is lucky to have you to provide support.

    the real winning part of this blog? despite the fears, you find what you did right, what felt good, what is happening that is positive. concentrate on that, enjoy the sun, you will get through this and the angst will fade.
    2630 days ago
    I hope you can have that party, sounds like it will be a treat with all that you have going on!!
    2630 days ago
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