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95 The inner child

Friday, August 24, 2012

I had planned to do a short one today - just telling you I have changed my internet provider and I installed the new equipment yesterday and it is SO much faster! I can do my sparking in half the time! emoticon

But yesterday was also the weekly Aca meeting and it gave a lot of thoughts. On my way there I was thinking about my "lean" life and how it is very important to me to find routines and actions that helps me to be the person I want to be. I was hoping for my former dog daycare lady to be there because I realised that she has helped me very much. She has aspberger and adhd and walking alongside with her and learning how she has to organise her life to make it work for her has made it very clear to me that I also have a lot of needs in the aspect of how my days should be planned.

She was not there but I kept thinking as I listened to the shares - and when I listened to a woman I suddenly had this revelation. She shared about painful stuff - how she felt as her now old father neglected her and how she felt when her decision to get a dog for company and motivator to get outside was questioned - and it was all about the inner child suffering. In my life this happens when I get rejected or when I feel as nobody cares about me or when I get critized in a destructive way - the pain is not because of the "real" situation because those are mostly kind of trivial. The pain is because it walks right into my inner childs neglected memories. This means that I - as the grown-up person I am today - should accept the pain, feel it, take necessary action to take care of myself - and let go and move on. Too often I have thought that these things were "real" - something for today - and I have started to act with blamethrowing, defense, aggressivity, withdrawal or whatever. I have also fled into bingeing. I do not mean I should suppress the feelings, I mean that I should recognicse them as equvivalent to scratching an old crust of wound, I was not hurt today it only reminded me of the old traumas. I can acknowledge it, feel it - and let go.

My task today is to focus on my life action today - when to exercise, how to place my shoes, how to declutter my home, how to eat what routines to work with THAT is my daily challenge and should be my top priority.

And I am allowed to interpret reality this way. I do not have to feel guilty or defensive because other people have other processes to work with.

My other notification was that I felt a little ashamed and "wrong" to share about this. I feel as if I am being against other people that focus on emotions and put their mental condition first. My revelation tells me that my focus should be on when I make my bed, how I brush my teeth, how my daily schedule should be to make me as compassionate, efficient and loving as I can be. Doing what I am supposed to do will give me the mental condition I deserve... I donĀ“t know if this is understandable but it sure is a relevation to me! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SILLYHP1953
    Major insight...for you and for me. I knew that intellectually but when you explained it I understood it emotionally. I miss my old ACOA meetings (same thing as your ACA) but it's too much driving at night since I moved out of that town.
    2434 days ago
    I am all for routines . Hope you find what works for you.
    2642 days ago
    Nice blog, Meddy. I liked "how I place my shoes" very Zen-like. Not in the past, not in the future, just right now. Thank you.

    And congratulations on your new computer. You're going to be so much more efficient now. good for you.

    A big revelation for me not too long ago is to take care of my physical needs first, before getting busy "doing", especially for other people. As simple as using the bathroom as soon as necessary. It's really honoring the vehicle that we live in. It time for me to do the same with emotional needs, too!

    2642 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/24/2012 3:38:06 PM
    I deal with this everyday. I'm pretty emotional and tend to get my feelings hurt pretty easily. I have and still do realize that some of them are hurtful and some are helpful. It's the separation (realizing they should be separate and viewed differently) that I sometimes find difficulity doing. It's a work in progress. Thanks for sharing.
    2643 days ago
    Ah, more food for thoughts Meddy! Today, my daily life is in a good place; but I live far from my family of origin and only occasionally see my siblings. I feel my family here are all in a much healthier place. I have worked on that inner child and she is me; we're having a good time.
    But, the occasional family visits still stress me out! They are not just from yesterdays; my boundaries are still not respected and my needs are discounted. The expectation is that I do what others want me to do. They do not like that I have changed (translation, no longer live as the lost child, invisible). I am not willing to close the door on these family links as it would mean also closing the door and losing people I truly love. But, I will limit my time and the circumstances we share together.
    Good blog! Hugs!

    2643 days ago
  • JOHAL52
    THANK YOU for this blog! My inner child thanks you too. I have such similar responses; it feels good to read that someone else is coming through it.
    2643 days ago
    plenty of insight here - you are working in the right direction!
    2643 days ago
    I think you are on the right track.

    I try to honor my inner child, but do not wallow in what that child sufffered and is till suffering--I think our inner children suffer forever--but go on and live my life as, guess what, an adult! It is indeed a bit of a relevation!

    2643 days ago
    I am so glad you shared these thoughts today as I have been in this neglected "inner child" place, too, forgetting that I have to process and then move on. The act of listening to my child, addressing what feelings come up, is actually acknowledging and taking care of her. What I sometimes forget is that those are yesterday's wounds, and they simply need a new bandage and a kiss. It's important that I move on with what makes my life work today, and all that "noise", if I let the wounds fester, get in the way of the actions I need to take to make my life work.

    Thanks for the reminder. I understand myself better this morning.
    2643 days ago
    emoticon You can do this...we have choices and what we choose makes our moods..choose to be happy. I grew up with ADHD and still have it at age 61 but circumstances that happened in my life made me realize that I can plan and organize and make my life better by the making those choices even in the way I feel. If I choose to be happy..I state it over and over that I'm happy and put on a smile and when I smile at someone and they smile back then it does make me happy. I also don't spend the time on anyone or anything that doesn't bring me happiness. People who are negative bring me down so I avoid them....just lessson's learned in life...and also I lean on God and meditate on His Word. Hugs.
    2643 days ago
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