So I have been on nutrition liquid for two days - not recommended by health authorities and usually ending with me rushing into a binge.
And as I fear critical comments I don´t want to tell what I am up to. It´s not that I am lying, it is more like I am not saying that much...
But if telling it like it is will help me to get where I want to go, I will armor myself about "concerned" comments and stick to what I am doing - risking of course the "I told you so" I will get if I fail. Which I have done most times I tried - I have succeeded with the kamikaze project of only nutrition drinks two times in my life - and both were when I was much younger than today. I did ten days both times, lost about ten kilos both times - of which I gained two back immedeately as I started to eat again but the other eight took me about a year to gain back.
Experience tells me that it is not a successful path to weight loss. On the other hand - what is? I have done almost every attempt there is except gastric bypass and stapling my mouth together and all have ended in nothing. Including healthy living.
I am thinking about what other experiences I have - hm, one is that my successful weight loss attempts, whatever strategy, usually succeeds best in autumn. My really healthy attempts (eating regurlarly and healthy and exercising more) as well as tries like the kamikaze soup project that have been started in sep-oct usually goes well for a while. With the healthy projects I usually fall off the wagon by december, it might be christmas but it is probably more a combination of me being worn out and a little bored because wieght loss is not as exciting anymore AND exposure to all that holiday food.
But if this is a crazy strategy for weight loss, it is a great way of making myself feel good about myself. I feel positive, I like myself, I feel unbeatable - and it feels wonderful not to hate myself for being a failure.... And yes if I fall off the wagon I will feel horrible, on the other hand I feel horrible most of the time when I can´t handle food.
I will go on for another day.
Yesterday was the first of circus camp - the eight kids produced brooms and played quiddich. Today they are going to build stilts - the kind that are strapped to the legs and makes them longer - and tomorrow they will sew pants to use with the stilts.
I will bake cinnamon buns today - not a very sound activity for a lady not eating - but I usually don´t have that much problem staying away from eating when I am in company.
I am also practising my wizard trick - there is one "sucker silk" - that I think goes very well but I am more unsure on a trick where a hankerchief changes color in my hand... I have to practise more!
I was busy when I came home from camp but later crashed in the sofa - and realised that one of my daily programs "Masterchef professionals" really triggers me. As does food commercials. I was very close to giving in and tried the McKenna tapping method. Then I looked at some programs that all was about very heavy people (in USA or GB) that had gastric opereations and then struggled to eat healthy. Also made some hula hoops for circus camp, they need practise hoops and I made three.
At the end of august we have a show at the theatre for a woman turning sixty - it is going to be an old-fashioned circus show, not too weird. At the same time I am starting to plan the show for my 60th birthday - it will be more decadent and vulgar, more with the "cabaret" (the film/musical) attitude, the scent of a berliner nightclub during the thirties.... everybody else is very enthusiastic about a group called "Tiger Lily" I have to look into them... yesterday we looked at the dutch clown jango edwards on youtube - I strongly recommend him if you want to know what makes me laugh.
I also started to get the three weave with pois yesterday - I want to learn to do it with mini-hoops but it seems easier to learn with pois. There is a leader at the camp who is very good with poi, she showed me
Heavy rain clouds alters with sun. I should go for the morning walk before the clouds take over!