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Don´t want to be honest anymore...

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

So I have been on nutrition liquid for two days - not recommended by health authorities and usually ending with me rushing into a binge.

And as I fear critical comments I don´t want to tell what I am up to. It´s not that I am lying, it is more like I am not saying that much... emoticon

But if telling it like it is will help me to get where I want to go, I will armor myself about "concerned" comments and stick to what I am doing - risking of course the "I told you so" I will get if I fail. Which I have done most times I tried - I have succeeded with the kamikaze project of only nutrition drinks two times in my life - and both were when I was much younger than today. I did ten days both times, lost about ten kilos both times - of which I gained two back immedeately as I started to eat again but the other eight took me about a year to gain back.

Experience tells me that it is not a successful path to weight loss. On the other hand - what is? I have done almost every attempt there is except gastric bypass and stapling my mouth together and all have ended in nothing. Including healthy living.

I am thinking about what other experiences I have - hm, one is that my successful weight loss attempts, whatever strategy, usually succeeds best in autumn. My really healthy attempts (eating regurlarly and healthy and exercising more) as well as tries like the kamikaze soup project that have been started in sep-oct usually goes well for a while. With the healthy projects I usually fall off the wagon by december, it might be christmas but it is probably more a combination of me being worn out and a little bored because wieght loss is not as exciting anymore AND exposure to all that holiday food.

But if this is a crazy strategy for weight loss, it is a great way of making myself feel good about myself. I feel positive, I like myself, I feel unbeatable - and it feels wonderful not to hate myself for being a failure.... And yes if I fall off the wagon I will feel horrible, on the other hand I feel horrible most of the time when I can´t handle food.

I will go on for another day.

Yesterday was the first of circus camp - the eight kids produced brooms and played quiddich. Today they are going to build stilts - the kind that are strapped to the legs and makes them longer - and tomorrow they will sew pants to use with the stilts.

I will bake cinnamon buns today - not a very sound activity for a lady not eating - but I usually don´t have that much problem staying away from eating when I am in company.

I am also practising my wizard trick - there is one "sucker silk" - that I think goes very well but I am more unsure on a trick where a hankerchief changes color in my hand... I have to practise more!

I was busy when I came home from camp but later crashed in the sofa - and realised that one of my daily programs "Masterchef professionals" really triggers me. As does food commercials. I was very close to giving in and tried the McKenna tapping method. Then I looked at some programs that all was about very heavy people (in USA or GB) that had gastric opereations and then struggled to eat healthy. Also made some hula hoops for circus camp, they need practise hoops and I made three.

At the end of august we have a show at the theatre for a woman turning sixty - it is going to be an old-fashioned circus show, not too weird. At the same time I am starting to plan the show for my 60th birthday - it will be more decadent and vulgar, more with the "cabaret" (the film/musical) attitude, the scent of a berliner nightclub during the thirties.... everybody else is very enthusiastic about a group called "Tiger Lily" I have to look into them... yesterday we looked at the dutch clown jango edwards on youtube - I strongly recommend him if you want to know what makes me laugh.

I also started to get the three weave with pois yesterday - I want to learn to do it with mini-hoops but it seems easier to learn with pois. There is a leader at the camp who is very good with poi, she showed me emoticon

Heavy rain clouds alters with sun. I should go for the morning walk before the clouds take over!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think you should do what feels right to you.No judgement from me just best wishes for success .
    2682 days ago
    You might want to check out The Simple Diet. It has a combination of meal replacements, fruits and vegetables, and frozen meals... kind of like a do-it-yourself version of the commercial food plans.
    2682 days ago
    With your honesty, you are being accountable and that is a good step to take. I think you are further ahead than you think. Keep trying until you fnd what works best for you.
    2682 days ago
    Having an unhealthy relationship/ addiction to food is the hardest to overcome because unlike other addictions, we can't completely abstain from food. It seems like your honesty has done you well in the past and I think the more honest we are about what the real issues are, the better.
    It sounds like you have some really great activity going on in your life so focus on that and not on what the scale says and how much weight you've lost or gained or how you have gone about losing the weight. I think the more we obsess about the weight itself, the more we don't get to the root of the problems themselves.
    Enjoy your week.
    2682 days ago
    Why are we so down on ourselves that we let weight become the measuring stick? I wish I loved me for me and you too. Thanks for letting your hair down. I wish you the best
    2682 days ago
    You know yourself best, and you know what works for you and what doesn't. You are the one that gets to decide what path to take and there should be no judgement for that. We are just here to cheer you on with the decisions you make. Glad you are honest!
    emoticon emoticon
    2682 days ago
  • RWIN777
    Honesty is always the best policy I think because you are being true to yourself. I have read all the comments on here and it sounds like alot of people support you no matter what road you take to weight loss and self esteem. I agree with them. Everybody trys a million and one routes to find the best one for them, whatever that turns out to be! For me, i count the calories because its the only way I know to keep me accountable for what i put in my mouth on a daily basis. I havent heard of the method you are trying but I dont think it would be so hard to do on a short term basis. I would think it would help de-toxify your body. However, for me, i like to eat too much to give up the food alltogether. So...to each his own, we all have to do it our way so we will in the future know what works for us.
    I find it helps to keep a journal..........seriously, it helps so much. Then when your concidering trying something again that you've done before, you can go back and read, how the diet or routine, made you feel physically and on a physilogical and emotional level also. And....was it really working? Was it boring and did it cause you to seek other methods. There is always a reason why you move on to a different method....its good to ask questions. As i get older I cant remember how i felt then, so i journal everything. It really really helps in making decisions for the future. By the way the stomach stapeling is not all its cracked up to be....for everyone. Ive had it and gained every pound back. I missed eating my favorites. I could no longer eat some foods like beef, it was like my stomach went beserk. Mentally i was not ready for that big of a change so little by little i ate what i wanted until my stomach adapted to what i wanted to eat. And gained the pounds back. I still cannot eat beef! my sister had the same surgery and had to have it reversed because she was so malnutritioned and could not eat anything without throwing up, but she nearly died during the reversal surgery. Some have success. Some have a better story.
    2682 days ago
    Meddy I love your honesty. It's really touching to me. And refreshing.
    I'm glad I came to read your blog post.
    Also because of the link to dr. Fuhrman that was posted in reply, because I just read his book and didn't know he was on youtube. I can't say if he's right or not (yet) but I did something similar called Fit for Life and know that I really liked that. There may be a similarity between not having to thinnk aobut what to eat when you only drink nutrition liquids and not having to think about what to eat when all you decided to have is vegetables or fruit. (Which is what Fuhrman advises, more or less). Both ways are very SIMPLE and one needn't wonder 'shall I have this or shall I not' - the answer is very simple because there's only one thing you can have (well maybe just one group of foods, still) both with the liquids and with the Eat to Live principles. You could see the foods Eat to Live 'prescribes' as liquids!

    And you're pretty amazing baking cinnamon gooedies while not eating!

    (Editing to add that I'm probably not doing justice to Eat to live by saying 'all you can have is vegetables and fruits'... But it is indeed a very simple way of eating and I'm wondering if maybe some time you might like to check it out).

    What ever you do I hope you will NOT hate yourself and NOT feel horrible. No one deserves to. No matter WHAT you eat!
    2682 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/7/2012 11:28:13 AM
    emoticon It is NEVER Easy to be Honest, but this should be a Safe Place for all of us.
    emoticon Plus, here we have a "Delete" Button for the Unhelpful or Judgemental Comments!! That would come in handy at Work, too!!!
    2682 days ago
    Hey there, I do not think any one of us is in a possition to judge anyone else.
    I have domne the liquit stuff too and itc worked when i was younger
    these day i actually LIKE to eat. emoticon
    I think you are actually doing great, woohoo and honest to boot.
    Keep it up emoticon emoticon
    2682 days ago
    The truth always sets us free! Proud of you for doing what you did here. I like many others have absolutely no room to be judging anybody. We've all walked a mile in these shoes.
    And I most certainly won't tell you "I told you so" You already know that in evaluating your "method of weightloss."
    e tells me that it is not a successful path to weight loss. On the other hand - what is? Unquote
    I can help you with this if you are sincere in the asking.
    I have been here so many times and it's been a complete circle of the same consequences every time! So I got out of the vicious cycle of yo yo weightloss!
    No more "dieting" for me! No more elimination or deprivation No more counting calories no more frustrations of plateauing

    The 3 Steps To Ingredible Health and Weightloss links

    Part 1
    Part 2
    Part 3
    Part 4

    I Eat To Live! G-BOMBS girl G-BOMBS!

    Use Secret Weapons
    Dr. Fuhrman recommends eating “BOM’s” to really kick your body’s fat-burning mechanisms into high gear. BOM’s are Berries, Onions and Mushrooms. These foods are anti-angiogenic. Why is this important? Because anti-angiogenic foods can starve fat cells by cutting off the blood supply to your fat. How? The growth of new capillary blood vessels is called angiogenesis. Research shows that cancer cells, for example, are known to hijack angiogenesis and keep it permanently switched on to ensure that it has a dedicated, uninterrupted blood supply so it can grow. But, by eating foods that can block the process of angiogenesis, you can starve these cancer cells. Dr. Fuhrman maintains you can also block the blood supply to fat cells by eating anti-angiogenic foods. The more of these foods you eat, the more weight you lose.

    For more on anti-angiogeneis, click here.

    Step 3: Detox With Skinny Shakes

    To flush fat from your body, you’ll need to release the toxins that are keeping you swollen with fat and fluid. To repair cellular damage from processed foods, make a Skinny Shake of pomegranate juice, strawberries and lemon. Pomegranates are anti-angiogenic and can reduce inflammation. Strawberries are anti-angiogenic and protect against oxidative stress. And lemon juice has vitamin C, natural antibacterial properties, can aid digestion, and helps reduce stress.

    Skinny Shake

    1 cup of ice
    4 oz of pomegranate juice
    1 cup frozen strawberries
    Squeeze of lemon

    Add all ingredients to a blender and enjoy. Add water to reach your desired consistency.

    Watch your spark mail I'm going to send you the remainder of this.
    2682 days ago
    I have been down that path and done a lot of crazy, unhealthy things over the years. The only thing that works for me is counting calories and writing it down, every day. Even on the unhealthy days; then since being on SP too tracking my fitness minutes and making sure I keep moving. Again, every day. I am blessed that I did not seriously damage my health along the way. My best friend had gastric bypass and spent a lot of time being sick and regained all the weight too. She died in her 50's from cancer; evidently kept well hidden by her obesity until it spread beyond stopping.

    You've answered your own questions as you struggle on this journey. No judgement here; things didn't click for me until I became a grandmother and started focusing on health and fitness instead of weight. The weight loss is a bonus.

    As you know: If you always do what you've always done; you'll always get what you always got.

    Be well. Hugs. emoticon
    2682 days ago
    Thanks for your post, I always appreciate your honesty.
    2682 days ago
  • MOGAL1946
    We each have to find & do a routine that works for us! Sounds like you have a very busy and interesting lifestyle and are very talented too. Have a great day emoticon
    2683 days ago
    You know yourself best, we all know ourselves best, there will be no judgement here.....

    We all of us have to figure out how best to live our lives day by day....and we all develop wisdom about ourselves.

    I will always be interested in what you have to say, I find you an interesting person.

    BTW, I have almost finished rereading Ehrenreich's Bait and Sitch and then I am going to download Bright Sided and start that. Good contrast to the "Positive Psychology for Dummies" I am currently reading.

    2683 days ago
    Wouldn't dream of judging you! Think most of us are on the same rocky road of success and failure, loss and gain. The important thing is to keep trying and learning from our mistakes.

    I watched the same programme as Stonecot and there seemed to be a lot of anti-ageing and health benefits beyond weight loss. I would be very interested to know how you get on Stonecot - please let me know.

    Perhaps you could try that with your drinks Meddypeddy - use them for the 2 fasting days each week. That might stop the metabolism slowing starvation mode that these drink based diets are said to create if you are alternating them with solid food. Just an idea.

    Whatever you do I wish you success. emoticon
    2683 days ago
    you know you best, i would never judge what path you take for weight loss, what works for one does not work for others! As long as we keep trying that is what is important! I can not even begin to tell you how often, I have tried something just to put it back on! I am hoping this time the changes I am making are going to stick! Any help I can be I will, I am always around to listen to you vent! We are in this together!

    emoticon emoticon
    2683 days ago
    You are the expert on you. You know a great deal about your body and mind. You even know the downside of what you are doing. Best wishes with the undertaking. I can tell you that I tried and tried and tried and tried to lose weight and failed for decades. I tried healthy diets and drastic measures all without success. But finally it came together for me and I've been at goal weight for 3 years. It still isn't easy, but it is worth it. So my best advice is just don't give up, and it appears you don't need that advice. So, again, best wishes for the results you want. -Marsha
    2683 days ago
    didn't understand by "not eating" you meant you were drinking:-) that is different. but you might try looking at smoothies, or as ldrichel has been calling them, protein shakes - the difference being that they taste good and can be included in a regular diet (rather than solely - though they are good to start a "cleanse" type of thing).

    did you see we had fresh-baked cinnamon rolls yesterday? i ate... 3 of them...oops! but still managed to stay within calories (avoided other bread, etc), so it didn't seem to do harm. this rainy weather is traditional kanelbulle baking weather, innit? the sun is just coming out after what seemed like a fall storm - maybe it is heading your way now emoticon
    2683 days ago
    I did the Cambridge diet for six months and lost four stones, without any side effects so you should be fine. Unfortunately it didn't teach me how to maintain, and over the next year it went back on. Like you I find it difficult to stick to any calorie plan. I decided to try intermittent fasting, after watching a program about it, two days a week on 400 calories, eaten at one meal, followed by five days normal eating. This is a permenant pattern. Today is my first 'fast' day, mushroom omelette, followed by fresh strawberries for lunch, green tea all day! I'll let you know how it goes, but the presenter lost 16lbs in five weeks! I'd settle for that!
    2683 days ago
    This team is about support and not being judgmental. I want you to be happy and healthy, you are my friend and my sparkfamily. So the only comment I will make is this, I will always be here if you need me and that being a LIME entitles you to Unlimited emoticon
    2683 days ago
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