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A tough couple of days

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Dear sparkies,

this is the written version of a blog I have been wanting to write for weeks now...

It seems that even with the best of intentions, I tend to get locked up in a gloomy mood that negatively overshadows my soul, my psyche and my body leaving me like a piece of rag.

And I drag the rag from morning to night. It does not matter how much work or how little there is, how long ago the last good time or vacation, how well I eat, train and sleep. It's just there-the gloom-and I feel awfull when it happens. I feel powerless to remove it, change it, shake it. No amount of belly dance shimmy will do the trick!

In the past, I used to shake the gloom away by shopping for things I didn't need, ate food to comfort myself fealing guilty about it afterwards or chasing meaningless relationships just to be left heart broken.

Today, there is progress, I did not fall into my usual traps or very little if I did.

Also, I have a new understanding of the gloom. Rather, I am taking new steps in understanding myself when in the gloom. The most important question about it has become: How? Am I ready to take an honest look at myself, am I opened and willing to change?

Do I need to change? Yes, I need to change my attitude in a way that I have more compassion when I feel off. How I view the situation is paramount because the situation just is neither bad or good. The truth is that I pressure myself to be always on top and it is very hard to tolerate the times when I am not.

I would also add that it is an illusion to believe that I have full control over the situation. I may choose my course of action but I truly believe that the Heavens play a great role as well. I can surrender what I cannot control to the Divine and ask for the Grace and Guidance I need.

I am gratefull I walked through the storm once again and that I can now share my experience with all of you.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    One of the things that helped me out of the 'funk' I used to be in (or my darker days) was the practice of reading positive affirmations as soon as I woke up - it just kind of set the tone for the day. It didn't happen overnight - and with the help of discovering other issues (through counselling) - it continues to be part of my ritual and will be for the rest of my life.
    3235 days ago
    There is a great sense of peace that comes over you when you finally understand that there is only so much you can do or change. When you surrender what you can not do or change, you free yourself up to live in the moment. Enjoy every moment of the ride just by surrendering to being present for it, because you never know when you have to get off of this train!
    Love and Light, my dear one.
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    3241 days ago
    Big hugs to you sweetie. I, too, suffer from depression at times. Detaching, surrendering and counting my blessings really helps me as well. “You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair” ~ Chinese Proverbs quotes

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    3242 days ago
    That is great! knowing there is a problem is the first step to healing. having been able to change even a tiny part of the behavior is a great battel won....

    Congratulations to you! the rest will come slowly but surely.
    3242 days ago
    i totally understand you .
    you are doing great lettig out your emeotionas and admitting the need ti cahnege and takings steps towards it
    Good lucj
    we rea here 4 u :)
    3242 days ago
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